DS has no idea what to do when he leaves school

[pinkflop]

DS 15 is in Year 11. We've been discussing his options for when he leaves school for the last few months but there is absolutely nothing he's interested in doing.

His school doesn't have a 6th form but we have a large college near us plus 3 other smaller colleges a bit further away so he has a huge amount of options.

He definitely doesn't want to do A Levels which is fine by us, but there's nothing else he's even remotely interested in.

We've talked about apprenticeships but he needs to have some idea of what he wants to do.

He's struggled at school over the last couple of years and seems to have given up. He was predicted 6,7,8's but has dropped to 4,5,6's. He has no motivation and can't see the point of trying as he has no goal.

I just don't know what to do to try and help him find a direction and I'm worried for his future. Don't know what I want from this thread really, just feeling really sad for him.

I think year 11 can be really demotivating for people who dont have a clear path.

I would probably explain not everyone knows what they want to do, and its ok to try a few things out, because its not forever. Just pick something unteresting and see where it leads next.

Does he have a subject he enjoys most?
The T levels look good and have work placements in them.

Have you tried any of the numerous quizes that are available to see what he might be best suited for. Doing these might give him some ideas he has never thought of. Just a couple of websites
www.prospects.ac.uk/planner
nationalcareers.service.gov.uk/skills-assessment
There are lots of others

Why does he enjoy?

My DS struggled academically due to dyslexia but loved outdoors and animals. I'm l academic and it took a while for me to get my head round him taking a more vocational path. He may not end up taking this further as a career but it does give him a chance to finally excel at something and great lived experience

Thanks for your reply @AntlerRose.

When we first started looking he was interested in the construction T Level. But I think that was due to his father working in construction. He's backed away from that now.

Honestly, we've been through the main college prospectus (Exeter) several times and looked at every option but there's just nothing that even remotely interests him.

He doesn't have any hobbies or interests apart from playing football and going on the PlayStation, but he does enjoy cooking so we looked at the cookery courses but he's dismissed those.

We've been to 2 college open days so he's seen what both the Construction T Level and the cookery courses are all about.

He doesn't like any subjects at school. He's quite good at German but hates it.

We really don't want him to leave school with nothing sorted, and I'm not sure you're even allowed to leave school without being signed up to something!

It's such a shame as he is bright and could do well but I fear he's just going to end up in a dead end job or flitting from one thing to another, never really finding his place. Which might sound dramatic as he's only 15 but it's how I feel right now!

Thanks @Unicorn1919 I will take a look at those. I'm considering speaking to his careers advisor at school to see if he can help.

@whitramp he loves football and plays for a local team. He has a disability that keeps him from doing as well as the others which is why he won't consider any of the sports courses.

He doesn't have any real hobbies like reading or drawing, or interests in things like anime or music.

What about exploring food science, if he's previously been interested in cookery? It's a huge industry but not always well known, lots of different jobs from R & D, marketing, sales etc so lots of progression available. Apprenticeships start at Level 3 and go to degree, or there are degrees available from Unis like Nottingham, Harper adams, NTU, Sheffield Hallam, and probably others!

I think half the problem is he doesn't truly know what opportunities are out there. Does he have any strengths? Any subject he is particularly good at? A role linked to that could be good.

If I followed my own advice when I was younger I'd be a graphic designer or copywriter. Ironically I thought there wasn't money in that, when actually it's the foundation of all marketing.

An apprenticeship would be a good idea - look at the government apprenticeships website to start.

He's at the age where he can try something and then switch to something else.

Focus on an area linked to his strengths and interests.

If he doesn't know then I would encourage him to just focus on keeping his options open - so focus on working as hard as possible for GCSEs as that will benefit him WHATEVER he wants to do.

Tell him to completely stop thinking about afterwards, if it is like my area presumably he can apply late anyway? Tell him you will support him with anythng that is not a) lying in bed and b) illegal so he can have a wonderful time over summer and decide once he has his results.

Tell him thousands and thousands of kids are this way but he could get really decent grades which will be with him for life. Then just help him with his GCSEs and cross your fingers his results are OK.

There is FAR too much pressure on young people to have a plan - it is completely normal at 15 not to know. I have watched mine go past this age and they are maturing all the time.

Have a look at Princes Trust - they have programs that can help with confidence and identifying skills and opportunities

My friend's son was like this. She just said to him that he had to go to college to do something so just to pick the course that he liked the look of the most. He doesn't enjoy it. But he didn't enjoy school either. It's a means to an end - in his case, he will try and get a job at 18, possibly in a supermarket or an office somewhere, and she hopes that he will fall into some sort of career path (whether that's retail management one day if he starts in the supermarket or possibly progressing within an office environment). But having a btec (or equivalent) in anything is something to put on a CV and shows, if nothing else, the ability to stick to something. And the hope would be, I guess, that he actually does enjoy whatever he ends up doing at college. (This boy's dad was similar by all accounts at the same age. He has made a pretty good career but it just started by his taking a random job at 18 and progressing within that to where he is now).

Ok I've seen your update. Music for example, has hundreds of different roles within it. Marketing, producing, events, sound engineer etc. Look for apprenticeships within the industry.

We really don't want him to leave school with nothing sorted It is not about you - this pressure will be making it worse

and I'm not sure you're even allowed to leave school without being signed up to something! Of course you are - many young people decide later. How can anyone not be 'allowed' to leave school? School ends when it ends.

I think what you may want to consider is dialling it down - the more you make this a massive deal, the harder it is for him to choose. Tell him it doesn't matter, any good option is a good option, it can be worked out later.

You are potentially damaging his GCSE grades by obsessing about what is after them! Get him through his GCSEs first.

Ok first off, whatever he decides at 15 or 16 won't set him off on a path for life. You and he really need to believe that. There are always opportunities and alternative ways of doing things in your 20's and 30's. It sounds like it might be the enormity of the decision that overwhelming him atm. It isn't a big decision really, just anything to get through the next couple of year will do.

In addition to the career quizzes can he think about rather than specific jobs, the environment he'd be comfortable in (outdoors, office based, one location or moving around etc).

@carefulcalculator the reason I'm on here is so he doesn't know how worried we are. I don't really appreciate your tone to be honest. We're not putting pressure on him. And I meant that I believe you have to continue in some form of education until your 18 by law therefore I assume he will have no choice but to sign up to something.

It's such a shame as he is bright and could do well but I fear he's just going to end up in a dead end job or flitting from one thing to another, never really finding his place. Which might sound dramatic as he's only 15 but it's how I feel right now! This vibe you will be giving to him is incredibly demotivating and negative.

Try saying to him - you're a bright lad, you are just as good as anyone else, I am confident you will work this out in time. Your job right now is focus on your GCSEs and do as well as you can, I will always support you with the next step and we can work that out in summer.

Poor kid is porbably just - naturally - a bit overwhelmed at the end of school and a mum who is panicking.

But he does have a choice not to sign up to anything.

I am sorry about the tone (will try to sound softer) but you sound like you are not helping him.

@carefulcalculator see above. He doesn't know how concerned his father and I are. We are encouraging him and helping as much as we can with his GCSE's. He gets no pressure from us as we know it has the opposite effect of helping.

So he can leave school without being signed up to a course or an apprenticeship and just try and get a job?

4s 5s and 6s are still good results, so tell him not to be disheartened. My dc is 6th form now, but they were 50/50 undecided between 6th Form or Tech College. They have no idea what they want to do still, so just chose their favourite / best subjects to influence A level choices. Things start to fall into place eventually. How is your ds's mental health?

We have spoken about how I was when I left school, I started college doing media studies, theatre studies and sociology and dropped out within the first term as it wasn't for me. Then I got an office job and went on to work on accounts.

His father wanted to be on the RAF but failed the sight tested and just fell into training to be a building surveyor by chance.

He doesn't come from a background where we're pushing him to do A Levels and go on to university. We just want him to be happy.

Tell him that loads of adults don’t have a clue what to do with their lives, either. The secret is this: just pick something and try to make it work. Don’t sit around waiting to discover a passion for something, because the truth is most people never do (and of those who do have a passion, most can’t make a living from it).

If school is hard for him I’d suggest something non-academic but with a good career path - if he was my son I’d talk him into plumbing, or electrician training, unless he’s good with computers in which case maybe coding. (Cybersecurity jobs pay great and is a growth area.)

So just narrow it down. Pick a trade.

(Another great option for the directionless is the military - fantastic training. But I’m not sure I’d want my son to sign up. 😬)

@pinkflop yes he can just get a job. These are the government rules for England.
The third option says work a minimum of 20 hours a week while in "part time education or training" but really no one checks up on that bit or cares if you start a college course and drop out.
I think the only thing about working at under 18 is if he lost the job (say the company closed down) he wouldn't be able to claim job seekers allowance. I might be wrong about that.
But maybe the football interest could be something to look into. For example After School Childcare groups are often sports related - would he be interested in working with children in a sports way?

Just seen your updates.
I think maybe it's helpful to frame it as what to do next rather than assuming choices made at 16 will automatically impact on the rest of his life.
I agree with you that it's best to try and get some sort of "next stage" plan sooner rather than later - certainly locally the more popular courses are booked up sooner but I also have friends whose children literally decided in August after GCSE results what to start studying the following week. Sixth form colleges seem much more relaxed about time frames than schools.
But what he chooses to do for the next 2 years won't necessarily set him on a particular path (or turn him away from it). I also have friends whose children decided against A levels and uni after GCSEs who, have now decided following a btec or equivalent, to go to uni. I know another who has actually done a year of a course she thought she would be passionate about, hated it and has done a complete 180 and is now doing A levels (albeit a year behind her peers but happier that she gave the other course a shot).
I think in my day, students' choices and progress felt a lot more linear and people often worked backwards from "I'd like this career" to "so I need to do X or Y" etc whereas nowadays there is more flexibility and choice.