DS has no idea what to do when he leaves school

[pinkflop]

DS 15 is in Year 11. We've been discussing his options for when he leaves school for the last few months but there is absolutely nothing he's interested in doing.

His school doesn't have a 6th form but we have a large college near us plus 3 other smaller colleges a bit further away so he has a huge amount of options.

He definitely doesn't want to do A Levels which is fine by us, but there's nothing else he's even remotely interested in.

We've talked about apprenticeships but he needs to have some idea of what he wants to do.

He's struggled at school over the last couple of years and seems to have given up. He was predicted 6,7,8's but has dropped to 4,5,6's. He has no motivation and can't see the point of trying as he has no goal.

I just don't know what to do to try and help him find a direction and I'm worried for his future. Don't know what I want from this thread really, just feeling really sad for him.

@Feysriana a couple of his friends are going to college to do a public services before joining up to the army and police. He's got no interest in that.

My dd left school at 16 and had no idea what she wanted to do. She went to the local college and signed up for a low level social studies course. She muddled through it but over the course of that year decided on her path forward and is now happily settled doing a vocational course which should lead to a job. I would be encouraging him to look at a time filler course for now rather than try to find a career path, there is plenty of time for that.

He will leave school in June, that just happens.

College starts in September. In my area the college is still accepting new students through September and there is a whole flurry of applications after GCSEs as kids change their minds/get unexpected (both better and worse) results.

Could you ask your college what would happen to him if he made a late application? Because then you can buy him more time.

The only thing he has briefly talked about is a City and Guilds in electrical installation. But again I think he's just plucking things out of the air.

We have said that even if he picks something now it doesn't have to be forever.

Thanks @Needmorelego (great username, I'm a fellow AFOL!)

I genuinely thought he'd have to be doing some form of education.

What about a sports journalist? Covering football. It won't happen overnight but if he loves football, he could approach local newspapers about becoming an apprentice cub reporter or consider a journalism course ?

What are his preferences?
indoors or outdoors
with people or alone
practical skills or verbal skills or written
details or bigger picture
at a computer or moving around
problem solving or just doing

It's OK to not know what comes next. Sorry to stereotype but a huge percentage of boys at GCSE don't know; they tend to mature later. I agree with PP that, at this age, it's all about doing enough to get you to the next stage; qualifications are a gateway. All he needs to do is do his best to keep his options open.
Can you get him into some Work Experience (may be tricky at this age) or shadowing. Can you call in favours from friends and family.
Think again about football and sports. It's not all about performance - every team has a huge array of support staff eg physio, journalism, events management, catering, ground staff, etc, etc. Would the thought of one of those inspire him?

If he's interested in gaming, what about something to do with game development or programming or something similar?

Sorry to hear that OP. Totally empathise. I could have written that post myself to be honest. DS1 has just started his mocks, having done f*ck all revision and his grades have also dropped since he started secondary. He has no interest in anything.

I would like to get him into our local 6th form as there are a couple of subjects that do sound interesting to him (film studies and criminology), but if he doesn't get decent grades for his mocks that's out. Have looked into T-levels but there isn't anything available locally that he is interested in.

He won't get into the 6th form at the school he is currently at (and its not right for him anyway as its all the very standard A-level subjects) I don't think he is ready for the 'real world' yet at all - he is like a massive dopey man-child - sort of bumbling about with no clue of what's going on around him. He also has massively low confidence - always has - and doesn't deal with people well.

I have always felt that he is very similar to my dad in many ways - he joined the RAF at 18 (I'm sure it was very different in 1955 though!) and it was perfect for him as it provided a structure/security that was probably a bit like a comfort blanket. He also got to travel overseas which I think DS1 would love. However DS1 had a session at Army cadets and absolutely hated it and has therefore ruled out the forces completely. I may push this idea again later

I took him to the local college over the weekend and we chatted to careers advisor and he had a look around the construction department but honestly I don't think he is cut out for manual /craft work. I would just love to find something that interests him - not necessarily for a future job - just to give him a bit more time to grow up. I also didn't find the bloke there particularly helpful in that he kept saying DS needed to find his 'thing' now, whereas I have been telling him that its ok to just to something until he finds a thing he likes doing.

Also, if he's a good gamer. (And by that I mean great hand to eye coordination, if he's a sensible lad & is dependable - you could suggest air traffic control apprenticeships?

What are the actual application deadlines in your area?

I just looked at my local college and they have open evenings until after GCSEs - presumably for the kids who took a while longer to choose. Did you mention Exeter? They have open evenings in April so clearly expect people to choose much later in the academic year.

At this age, six more months can be a massive difference in their maturity (and thus decisiveness).

@thesugarbumfairy sorry to hear you're in a similar position.

My DS's disability does preclude him from certain physical things and we've been told that ideally he will need to be in a sedentary job. I don't think this helps him to make a decision but it can't be helped. If he wants to choose something more physical now it's fine by us but I think he does dwell on it.

He is quite shy and finds it had to articulate his thoughts and feelings. He struggles a lot with English.

@carefulcalculator we've been lead to believe that a lot of the popular courses get oversubscribed so you need to sign up ideally by the end of this year. I'd hate for him to finally settle on something later next year only for it to be full.

You absolutely should do this! This what they're there for!

This would be very unusual, have you been told that by the College itself?

But also - what is the point of making him pick something he doesn't want to do - surely he will just be in the same position when he changes his mind?

You can't force him to feel something he doesn't feel so your best option remains just encourage him to do the very best he can at his GCSEs.

@pinkflop perhaps encourage him to get a job at Lego Store....think of the discount 😂
Seriously though I was clueless at 16. Absolutely no idea of what I wanted to do. But looking back I had lots of non school related stuff I was interested in but didn't really know that a job could come out of it. Sounds silly but I didn't really know that 'toy designer' was an actual thing.
School careers advice was rubbish - no one ever sat me down and said "what are your interests, what do you enjoy doing etc".
I hope he finds his way. Everyone is actually entitled to 3 years of 6th Form/College so he could take a year out and get a job and get a bit of real life experience or if he does start a course and it isn't right for him he can drop out and start again a year later.

I hear you.
I have a year 11 boy who doesnt have a clue what to do next.
He likes one gcse only .... physics and is predicted a 7 but only a 4 in maths at the moment and a 4-5 in other subjects. Doing no revision despite our best efforts. He has a very clear idea what he doesnt want to do (!) - doesnt want to stay on for school sixth form. Doesnt like crowds or big busy sixth form in our nearest town.
Weve been on some open days. So far only place he like was the selective sixth form ( and unless a miracle happens in next 6 months no chance of making the grades for that one). Not feeling inspired by any of the level 3 courses weve looked at and we live rurally so options are limited.

There seems a lack of individual careers advice at school. Lots of talks about selling the school sixth form.

I'm trying not to get too anxious and hoping things will become clearer over this year. It is a worry though.

@carefulcalculator we wouldn't make him pick something he doesn't want to do. But if he picks something and signs up to it now at least there's something in place and he can always change his mind.

I will contact the college today and ask them the deadlines.

@Stickortwister hopefully in time they'll find their way. But I can't help but worry!

Dc1 was like this and definitely didn't want to do alevels. Combination of dyslexia and sen made school hard.
So we went through the prospectus and crossed out every non vocational course and courses he wouldn't have the grades for, then went through it again and crossed out all the courses he knew he definitely didn't want to do. Then went back through and put a number next to them 1 for yes, 2 for maybe and 3 for no on his gut instinct. There were only 2 and 3s. So left with the 2s we looked at which subjects he was doing well at and those he enjoyed and crossed the rest out. We ended up with 3 courses and I honestly think he pulled one out of a hat at that point! He's now left college and is working in the area he trained, is enjoying it and talking about university in a few years which he would have never considered in year 11.
I know the worry and I wish I hadn't spent to much time worrying becauseits worked out ok. Everyone does things differently and ds is definitely doing things his own way (he did have a little wobble last year when many of his friends went off to uni but honestly it was the right decision for him).

Get him to sign up to everything that he is vaguely interested in! He doesn't have to actually do the course if he decides against.
That's why there are lots of vacancies after the results - there is a lot of mind changing going on.

Another worried mum of a yr11 here. Could have written your post myself. He’s also not 16 until July and that really seems to be showing in his immaturity right now bless him. We’ve mutually decided for him to do a fairly broad range of A levels at college. This will give him a bit of breathing space to think about what he wants to do plus, hopefully giving him some more qualifications to fall back on. It is a worry! 🤦‍♀️

@Chardonnay73 solidarity with you and all the other parents worrying!

My DS was born in June so also a young one and he is quite immature for his age. Or maybe he's not, maybe all of his friends have grown up too quickly!

@Stickortwister
He likes one gcse only .... physics and is predicted a 7 but only a 4 in maths at the moment and a 4-5 in other subjects ... we live rurally so options are limited.
My immediate thought was engineering. Maybe an apprenticeship in agricultural machinery.