DS has no idea what to do when he leaves school

[pinkflop]

DS 15 is in Year 11. We've been discussing his options for when he leaves school for the last few months but there is absolutely nothing he's interested in doing.

His school doesn't have a 6th form but we have a large college near us plus 3 other smaller colleges a bit further away so he has a huge amount of options.

He definitely doesn't want to do A Levels which is fine by us, but there's nothing else he's even remotely interested in.

We've talked about apprenticeships but he needs to have some idea of what he wants to do.

He's struggled at school over the last couple of years and seems to have given up. He was predicted 6,7,8's but has dropped to 4,5,6's. He has no motivation and can't see the point of trying as he has no goal.

I just don't know what to do to try and help him find a direction and I'm worried for his future. Don't know what I want from this thread really, just feeling really sad for him.

I was going to ask this - I also had a young one, it does make a massive difference.

Sports/fitness coaching? The disability oughtn't to get in the way of that, and might actually be a positive, as he can be a role model to others with disabilities.

@lanthanum we discussed this, anything that remotely involves science is a no!

@lanthanum sorry, just realised you said coaching, although I expect there is some degree of science involved.

He lacks confidence due to his disability so I think that's why he won't consider anything sports related.

VERY few have ideas of what they want to do. It's a very small minority who have fixed ideas and work towards them, typically doctors, where it's often the family background that has influenced the decision rather than the child making their own minds up!

Best thing for those undecided is to do a broad range of subjects at GCSE to keep their options open, and then they have the broadest possible choice for either A levels or NVQs. Far too many find doors are closed to them because they didn't do certain subjects at GCSE or A level and then have to take time out to take those missing subjects to get back onto the track they want to take.

Unfortunately, there's very little tangible help and support and school "careers" sessions are pretty poor, as they're usually heavily biased by the teacher's own views and experience.

I remember my school sixth form "careers" meeting with the head of sixth form - he looked at my recent reports, looked at the A level subjects I was talking, and asked me what I wanted to do. I said I didn't really know and didn't have any real ideas. He just glibly said, well Maths is your best subject, so how about accountancy! What an absolute plonker! You didn't even need Maths A level to do an accountancy degree at Uni or to register as a student with the chartered accountancy bodies! Basic Maths/numeracy is adequate for accountancy, go a decent grade at GCSE will do! I ended up as an accountant, which has been OK, and enabled me to run my own practice where flexibility has been good to me, but I've also thought I'd have preferred something more practical - I think engineering would have been a better fit as my other "best" A level was Physics!

We really do desperately need some massive improvements in careers advice at early stages at secondary school, to help guide pupils to make better choices for GCSE and A level.

Yeah, this. He's only 15.

Has he been evaluated for depression?

I'd get rid of or limit the gaming.

What will he do for the next two years then? Cos he won't be able to sign on and receive benefits until he's 18.

why else would the tories increase the school leaving age?

@Nintendonasalspray he can get a job. He can do volunteer work.
16-18 do NOT have to be in education or training.

The only real consequence if he doesn't go to college or get an apprenticeship will be that you will lose child benefit for him. I agree, no real rush for him to decide at the moment, just look at all the possible options and get him signed up to taster days if the colleges do them. Someone suggested agricultural college and this could be a good idea if he likes being outside in the fresh air. Or maybe a BTEC in applied science? The good thing about BTECs is they are usually only 3 days a week, or 2.5 if he doesn't need to do any resits.

I didn't say he could sign on or do nothing from 16 to 18 - I said he doesn't have to know yet, he can get GCSE results and choose after, as quite a few do.

Just a quick update!

I've spoken to the school and they are organising a session with the careers advisor.

I've also spoken to Exeter College who were really helpful and provided lots of information. There isn't a deadline and he can apply right up to August, but obviously the earlier the better. He can have a one to one meeting with them to discuss his options. They suggested that perhaps he pick a one year course and see how he feels at the end of that. I think that's not a bad idea!

Thanks all for your input. I'll let you know what he decides on! And good luck to everyone else in the same position!

That sounds positive. Would something like this appeal? (Obviously no where near you but assuming similar in other areas)

prosportcoaching.co.uk/clitheroe-football-college/

Does he have any contact with peers with same disability. My dc has a physical disability and we are part of a support charity. I find it useful for info and dd has contact with other teens.

Have you looked at local council I know ours has apprenticeships and internships for those with a disability.

Looks like Exeter have an open evening on the 23rd? It might be good to go along and look at everything he is even vaguely interested in. Something might grab his fancy if he sees it in a college environment?

I'd also consider going to the other colleges if they have open events soon? Which side of Exeter are you?

I think it's hard to get enthused about a course when it's just words on a website or in a prospectus, but actually seeing some of the things he will be doing and maybe talking to current students might inspire him?

FE colleges are super used to students who don't really know what they want to do, they'll see them every year, and I'm sure they'll have some ideas to help him find something.

i reckon kids of this age will end up doing two or even more different careers over the course of their working lives. Maybe he can keep his options open by making sure he gets the best grades he can in what he’s doing now, and then do the thing that seems most fun/interesting to him at the time. That will probably lead to something else and so on. That was my approach and it worked for me - took me to several years working abroad, coming back and taking a random office job in the UK and then finally deciding to train in what I do now in my mid 20s. Wouldn’t change any of it.

I know this is an old thread but @pinkflop i’m wondering how your DS got on?

only reason I ask is that DS is very similar and apart from an apprenticeship at Bentley, which unless he REALLY shines, he’ll have no chance of getting in to at this school leaver stage (only a handful of school leaver apprenticeships apparently)

I’m just don’t know how to guide him atm. He’s had an awful secondary school experience MH wise, so just want to let him breath, but everyone around us is talking college, 6th firm, uni, what next etc etc, it’s hard.

Yes he can go get a job. It’s either education or you have to get a job as they can’t claim
anything at that age. It a mid conception they have to stay in education until their 18.

@Wiltinglettuce I wish I had some positive news but unfortunately I don't. Nothing, and I mean nothing, has changed since I last posted. Still no idea what he wants to do, but school are starting to put pressure on him to make a decision. I'm not impressed at how they've tried to coerce him into picking a course. Most of his friends have applied for courses and have had their interviews. The college assures us that he can apply right up to July but that would be far from ideal. His engagement at school isn't great for various reasons. His mocks were a mixed bag. I'm still worried for his future.

Encourage him to focus on his maths and English GCSEs, and science if he can. Support him with getting some kind of part time job at McDonalds or retail, anything. Let him have a year working and earning some money. That will give him time to think and maybe volunteer in a few different areas so he can figure out what he wants to do.

He isn't ready for college and pushing him to do a course is just going to set him up to fail or be miserable. Don't let school put pressure on him, he can apply for college next year.

@pinkflop i’ve just realised that your DS is still in Y11! For some reason I was thinking he was Y12!

Sorry you’re still having this worry too.

I’m sure whichever paths they choose, all will work out. It’s bloody hard though isn’t it.

For us we’ll be glad to see the back of secondary education and the stress it’s caused but until then we’ll keep paddling.

DS would like to have the opportunity to apply for an apprenticeship but there’s such limited spaces in the areas he would be interested in. He really doesn’t want to go to college, 6th form and then on to Uni.

My advice as mum to three adult sons is chill, boys take longer than girls to mature and so long as they are healthy, happy and supported/reassurred they will eventually sort themselves out. Two of mine have been 25 before they finished doing courses and started on a career pathway. By the third (who was youngest in class) i told him to have a gap year as he didn't want to go to uni like his brothers and had no idea what he wanted to do, he volunteered in oxfam, did some other things including a call centre job before totally shocking me by saying he was going uni to do nursing.

And don't panic if he messes up exams as once they decide what they want they go for it. Said youngest son had to do an access course as he'd messed up his A Levels despite being straight A student previously 🤦

Have you tried something like Clifton Strengths for Students?. You buy the book (£20 or, don't buy second hand, it has a code) and do an online questionnaire (quite in-depth). It tells you what your strengths are and suggests possible careers based on that.

I think that if he doesn't know what to do, doing what he's best at isn't a bad strategy. It also might help him frame himself in a more positive light. I found it very accurate when I did the adult's version.