Are girls only that bad ?

[Onthedowns]

We previously discounted girls only for the usual reasons. Socialisation. Bullying etc

However we have recently viewed one and DD loves it I was extremely impressed and felt very welcome. It's a great academically lots of sports etc. We prefer this over our local academy which is 10 minutes walk away

However we have had lots of negativity from family and other people.

It's making us doubt ourselves and certainly DD her decision.

I went to a girls' school, loved it and had absolutely no problem relating to boys (as friends or boyfriends) as an older teen and at uni. I had a brother and male cousins, and the school did various joint things with the local boys' school (concerts etc).

Having said that, my DD is at a mixed school (her choice) and is very happy there. I guess it's more about the school in general than this one factor.

Unfortunately we aren't in a position for private school. Our local academy is improving mixed but not at the same level academically at all

I met a teacher from a well known boys independent school (often discussed on here) and he said his strong preference for his children would be co-Ed for boys and single sex for girls. Wish I had time to probe further.

What outcomes do you mean ? Are you a teacher

I have two daughters my eldest wouldn’t have settled in a all girls school (she was very much against it) My youngest I think would have been ok - I regret now not sending her as I have noticed a change around her favourite subjects. Year 7 doing very well in Maths and science year 8 grades have dropped and mentions regularly the boys distractions in lessons :(
Disappointed to see a fantastic opportunity of building computer from scratch…1 girl. I asked her why she didn’t go as it’s an interest of hers and she said it’s all boys so she didn’t want to.

Depends on the child if she happy to go ignore other opinions, go with what’s right for her.

Would we not facilitate similar relationships outside of school ? Clubs friends? She wouldn't be alienated. There is no 6th form so would go to mixed further education

My child was the same. Hated the all girls school - it was small, selective grammar. There were high levels of eating disorders, gender issues, bullying. I'm sure this is the case in all schools but being small and being all girls these issues were amplified. I thought maybe my girl had just mixed with a small group of troubled teens but speaking to a parent with a child who currently goes there it is still the same.

My daughters love their (state, non selective, non church) girls school. It wasn't our first choice for the second one as she wanted a co-ed, but I am so glad she didn't get it as all-girls suits her well.

They have the chance to 'take up space', do the subjects they enjoy without any prejudice (debating a big deal for the older one), and each has a great group of friends which has become more mixed as they've got older.

Friends are supportive and not bitchy (and dd2 is pretty quirky in her interests but her friends totally support her and cheer her on). We do make sure they choose to do outside school groups that are mixed - drama, music, church youth group. I don't think they lack for male company, and I think they are relaxed about how they look at school which is helpful.

That said, their cousin loves her co-ed school too. Both seem very different from schooling when we were children so I'm trying not to bring my experiences to bear on either experience.

I can definitely see the pros and i think she will fit in there. There is an element of travel but lots of girls travel too.

However lots of the negative comments are regarding uniform and the perceived lack of ability to socialise around boys when she leaves 😬🤷🏼‍♀️

I think uniform might depend on the school - not whether co-ed or not. DDs' school is strict, but none of the items is awful in itself - so DD1 wears a kilt that she rolls up as high as she can get away with (standard stuff for all schools round here) but dd2 wears trousers and looks quite comfy. No tie, which seems better than forcing girls into an uncomfortable item that they'll never wear again. Otherwise really no different from local co-eds.

Can't see my two struggling to socialise with boys, judging by the number who regularly traipse through our house - as I say, just need to seek them out at afterschool clubs.

Uniform policies can change at any time. Most schools seem to be getting stricter on uniforms from what I can see, so I'd assume any school might start obsessing about length of ties and tightness of trousers.

I think it's length of skirts. Below knee above ankle. No tie and for certain visits a hat. Bit stricter than our local academy.

I have no qualms about it at all and the visit changed my opinion totally

OP go with what is the right fit for your daughter. My DD is two years away from secondary but already we've been talking about it and I'm liking one of the local all girls schools as I feel it will really suit her. Obviously we will look around at all the others and attend the open evenings and weigh it all up. I think many of the ideas about all girls schools come from the idea that they are almost like convents with the girls not encouraged to even glance in the direction of a boy which is ridiculous (I'm in Ireland so to be fair a lot of the all girls schools would have originally been convent schools). My friends daughter goes to an all girls school which is also excellent and she does rowing outside of school which is mixed and also has a part time job so lots of opportunity for her to mix with boys. Also my DD will have been at primary school until almost the age of 13 with boys so it's not like she isn't used to them.

Personally I don’t think so, it’s the being around them day to day, building those relationships, working together and growing together. There’s no way my DD would have some of the wonderful relationships she has with her male peers if she hadn’t been at school with them. Just my opinion

Go with your feelings. If DD felt it was a good fit for her then that's great. I went to a mixed school and got hell from the boys. I didn't want my experience to impact my DD's choice and left it up to her. She chose a girls school and is happy there however the environment is different to another local girls school.

My DD's friends at the other school were rolling up their skirts and getting worried about appearance, clothes and getting bitchy comments from classmates in year 7. My DD hasn't had any of that at hers. She has dark hair and has facial hair etc which were issues for me at a mixed school. DD doesn't feel the need to be on top of removing it because she won't get comments from people. She doesn't feel that she needs to wear certain clothes or brands and that she can have her own style.

To be honest OP, a lot of the comments about all girls and mixed schools are based on stereotypes that may be true for many of these schools but not for all of them. It is possible for girls to take subjects such as DT in many co-ed schools and the type of display that you saw in that specific school is not typical. There are lots of girls schools that manage the pastoral side well and where stress, anxiety and bullying are managed well.
The main question for you is which school is likely to be the best school for your daughter out of the choices that you have available. It is necessarily about results, but which would provide the best learning environment.

Well it might depend on what sort of character your DD is. I went to an all girls school in 80s. I have never forgiven my parents for making such an awful decision. I had absolutely no interaction with boys during my teens. I then went onto a small college specialising in social care, all girls again ffs! When I left college I was so nervous around guys and had no idea how to communicate with them. I sent my DD to mixed school and she is so comfortable around lads. Education wise it was okay, but did definitely not prepare me for life socially.

@Dynamicdinosaur Sorry, I had not read your post when I added mine just above
I totally agree with you.

I found that most girls do ignore boys until mid-teens and boys normally also don't really interact with girls on more than a need-to-do basis for school work.
Unless it's a joined interest or activity where they naturally interact, social interaction is a lot more from 14/15 onwards.

I found that DD mainly ignored her male Scout peers, found them immature and silly. When she turned 14 and joined Explorers, the relationship changed quite a lot. She met older boys again who moved up prior to her and is interacting with them in a very different manner than 3-4 years ago.

This is why social interaction can be outside school and a co-ed Sixth Form is then a more natural way of them being together.

I went to a co-ed secondary and can't remember having a close relationship with boys prior to mid-teen age as well. Neither do interact my friend's two boys (11 and 14) a lot with their female classmates in their co-ed secondary at the moment.

It really does depend more on the individual school and child than whether it is mixed or single sex. There are good and bad examples of both. Really all you can judge it on is what you think will suit your child, and ignore any family who bitch about it.

because people usually want to send their kids to the same school, so if you have a boy you’re more likely to send them mixed - so therefore you really aren’t around many boys at all growing up if you go from primary age.

I don't agree with that. We wanted all of our dc to go to the school that suited them best. At secondary they get themselves to school so it isn't like a parent needs to be in 2 places at once as it would if you had small children at different schools. Surely most parents (who have any realistic choice) would want the best for each of their dc?

To cut off half the world’s population like this (iyswim) can make it a hard adjustment when you’re at college and suddenly you’re expected to know how to interact with boys but you’ve never been around them in an every day capacity.
for me and many of my friends our first time meeting boys were when we were older teens getting our first taste of freedom.

Did you not mix with boys through your hobbies ? Mine all did.

For example lots of us felt uncomfortable eating in front of boys (?!) when we first came into the mixed world. We would awkwardly flirt and generally just feel foolish and not know how to speak to boys. Oh and don’t get me started about being expected to do sports in front of boys! That was the cringiest thing ever.

The more I read your post, the more I think your life is the strange one. My teens had been away dozens upon dozens upon dozens of times with boys through Scouts, as well as mixing through various other hobbies they did between them - drama, Church, climbing, swimming, etc. Plus of course friends round to the house, siblings of friends whose houses they went to. Then the normal day to day stuff like travel to school and back.

Secondly, if your daughter is good at what this particular school wants…that is to say if she will fit snugly into their mould….she will do great. If she bucks against authority in any way, if she is opinionated, if she isn’t academic but the school is, I would reconsider.

Again, not my experience at all.

In theory we make decisions based on what's best for each DC - up to a point. But there are practical considerations too. Near me, if you have kids at different secondaries you could find yourself driving miles each day (school transport around here is seriously ropey) and with different school holidays. These things can have quite an impact, esp for working parents. As for clubs - again, it depends. Not everyone has the ability or inclination to do lots of out of school activities - it depends on local provision and on the individual child.

Hi i think she would fit the all girls it comes across as much more naturing. It is academically strides above the other school but in think would do well anywhere. She has no qualms about going to an all girls when asked, she has had quite disruptive boys in her class already although I think there is entertainment value in them sometimes for her.

My DS has another 4 years at primary yet so won't impact massively. The school is 🔟 minutes drive if necessary and bus and train route.

I went to all girls and loved it at the time but only when I left did I realise that I was totally ill equipped for the real world, particularly in the area of relating to boys as normal, equal people. And there were a lot of sly bitchy girls, as a PP said what we'd now recognise as coercive. There was just no getting away from the dominance of 'the cool girls'.
My DD is in co-ed and yes the disruptive kids are all boys, but there are many many wonderful, lovely boys! She's totally walked away from all the bitchy, image conscious, shallow, pouting girls and found true friendship with the loveliest boys. I'm so thrilled for her that she's more street wise and able to relate to all sorts of people from all walks of life than I ever was.