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Secondary education

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Original poster

11 plus support thread 2022

623 replies

PalindromemordnilaP · 23/09/2022 20:35

Anyone else have a DC sitting 11+ this Autumn?

If so, would you like to chat on a support thread?

DD is sitting her exam tomorrow.

Anyone else? Waiting for the results will be nail-biting.

OP posts:
JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 17/10/2022 19:19

We got my DSs results earlier he did not qualify unfortunately. We are okay though as he has a brother at the local comp.

Noon12 · 17/10/2022 19:35

@jessieminto thank you! I have been checking my email hundred times a day! I will check the portal from Thursday! Good luck to your son.

IDinnaKen · 17/10/2022 20:05

congrats to all who passed!

Not so good news here. Any suggestions on how to help disappointed DC handle it?

Thanks

Aethelfleda · 17/10/2022 20:39

@IDinnaKen much sympathy. My DS went back to school today and two of his friends who passed the exam he missed have said they’re sorry he won’t be at “their” new school (our Slough local) but it’s only because he’s dyslexic and they think it’s unfair…. they are all only 10-11 and having to deal with it in their own way.
We will be awaiting on a review appeal til Feb on the Bucks exam (0.5 points short of a clear pass, only due to the verbal weighting) which could go either way. so he can’t tell anyone if he’s passed because right now he hasn’t.

So from a point of view of handling it, it’s a mix of pointing out the positives (hope there are some) of their alternative school, encouraging them to think of the friends they can be with in the non selective, big up the shorter journey, and reassure them that you love them and you’re proud of them trying their best with what is a harsh amd often unfair system…and try not to show your disquiet… I’m not sure I managed that one as I’m annoyed by how flawed the system is for our DC!

LittleMissGossip · 17/10/2022 21:22

@IDinnaKen this thread from last year was a nice read. Please do share all the success stories with your dc. This one small event in their lives does not mean they have 'failed' or 'passed'.

There are also lots of places across the country that do not have state grammar schools (area im from didn't have grammar schools-was only the private ones called grammar).

Hope your dc is ok, and everyone else, this is definitely not the be all end all.

Success stories despite failing 11 plus www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/4375366-Success-stories-despite-failing-11-plus

IDinnaKen · 17/10/2022 21:22

Thanks for that. Yes, it’s even tougher when friends have taken the exam and some pass and some don’t. I hope it works out for the best for your DS.

I reassured my DS that Me and his dad are proud of him and love him. That we will always support him 😊. That not passing the 11plus doesn’t mean that someone isn’t capable of doing amazing things.
I think he just needs to get through tomorrow when his school friends will discuss results. After that there won’t be much mention of it. Yes, you’re right about bigging up the local schools.

Aethelfleda · 17/10/2022 21:52

something else that it’s worth doing @IDinnaKen is looking at your non-selective school’s extracurriculars and find things they do that were not on offer at the selectives. and if they are into music/theatre see if you can get tickets to the school production/concert to see what it’s like, as going to the school for an event will help them see it in a positive light. Worked well for us with my DD.

IDinnaKen · 17/10/2022 22:06

@LittleMissGossip That thread is brilliant, thank you!

IDinnaKen · 17/10/2022 22:07

@Aethelfleda That’s a good point about the extra curricular stuff.

ElvenDreamer · 18/10/2022 06:36

Another mantra we keep repeating with our son is that if he doesn't make the cut in March, everything he's learnt will stand him in good stead for any secondary. He's had some amazing exam experience which can only be a good thing going forward. Also pointing out the massive draw of local comp meaning that he can get up a whole hour later! Now he doesn't really want that school, but that massively tickled him as he is most definitely NOT a morning person so it's added a big appeal that he hadn't considered before.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 18/10/2022 10:35

Aah the stress, just had an email to say the results will be out later today.

Original poster
PalindromemordnilaP · 18/10/2022 12:32

Our results are in and DD has passed and will be going to the grammar school of her choice.

So relieved.

OP posts:
CreateAName123 · 18/10/2022 12:33

We got our letter and she has a rank which pretty much guarantees her a space at her first choice grammar school.
So happy I can't wait to tell her when she finished school

Purpletoes · 18/10/2022 12:49

Anxiously waiting results here to be emailed after 4pm but I know some who have recieved them already keep refreshing my phone we are ooc so need a great score to get in but would live for my ds to pass for his confidence going into secondary education

Aethelfleda · 18/10/2022 13:10

So happy for you @PalindromemordnilaP !
congrats to your DD.

Original poster
PalindromemordnilaP · 18/10/2022 13:16

Thank you!

Congrata @CreateAName123 I also can't wait to tell DD. Which grammar are you going for? DD will be going to NHGS, if you are too, they'll be classmates.

OP posts:
ElvenDreamer · 18/10/2022 13:28

Great news @PalindromemordnilaP and @CreateAName123 , hang in there all those still anxiously waiting!

CreateAName123 · 18/10/2022 13:42

PalindromemordnilaP · 18/10/2022 13:16

Thank you!

Congrata @CreateAName123 I also can't wait to tell DD. Which grammar are you going for? DD will be going to NHGS, if you are too, they'll be classmates.

Hi, we'll be putting nhgs like her brother. Such a relief to know they will be going to the same school.

Octoberfishing · 18/10/2022 14:21

DD is currently in Y5 and is doing some fairly hardcore tutoring.

Can I ask from this year's alumni, how on earth you as parents coped with the anxiety? Fully prepared to be told to get a grip but I'm already feeling those awful stomach lurches several times a day and it feels unsustainable to feel like this for a whole year.

(At least we are in Bucks and in catchment so if she qualifies, we're fairly certain to get a place. But it's the journey to that point I'm struggling with.)

monkeyblonde · 18/10/2022 14:27

Octoberfishing · 18/10/2022 14:21

DD is currently in Y5 and is doing some fairly hardcore tutoring.

Can I ask from this year's alumni, how on earth you as parents coped with the anxiety? Fully prepared to be told to get a grip but I'm already feeling those awful stomach lurches several times a day and it feels unsustainable to feel like this for a whole year.

(At least we are in Bucks and in catchment so if she qualifies, we're fairly certain to get a place. But it's the journey to that point I'm struggling with.)

I felt like this for the whole year :-)

I don't think that the intensive tutoring helps, we had the same at it doesn't just take over your brain, it rules your time in terms of homework too!

All I will say is that at a certain point (towards the summer) it all seems to click and isn't so much of a concern. The test is hard though, and waiting for the results - aaargh!

Any advice I can offer, I am happy to. Interested as to your tutoring provider as it sounds similar to ours.

ElvenDreamer · 18/10/2022 14:30

@Octoberfishing Relax back from it a bit, if the tutoring is very intense, you're right, it's utterly unsustainable, your stress levels will be higher as it will start to feel more and more like it must happens at all costs. Treat it like an opportunity to learn things, at the most bog standard state comp they will still stream, so anything learnt will help them get in those higher streams if grammar doesn't happen. Above all do not let the stress show to your DC, come and rant on here instead! Also, some days they'll do some work that tells you they're flying, other days they make you wonder if they've ever been taught anything in school, don't let those days get to you, they are only human, and so are you. Research your plan B, in a positive way. Best of luck on your journey. I have done it 2 years in a row now, (and still have a tense wait until March now) and thankfully have a year off before my final time!

Octoberfishing · 18/10/2022 14:32

@monkeyblonde Thanks! Happy to DM if you'd rather so as not to derail the thread.

DD spent about 3 hours doing the tutoring homework on Saturday. She did another hour on Sunday (and took the rest of the day off as she felt unwell) and I reckon she's going to need to do about 1 hr minimum each night this week to keep on top of it (plus a midweek online class tonight) before Friday when she has her next in-person session. It's so intense and I worry that if she doesn't pass, she'll feel she has wasted a year.

Why are we doing such intense tutoring? DD has always been greater depth across all measured subjects but finds maths and non-verbal reasoning hard. Her best friend is very clever and is doing the same tutoring.

We can afford it and don't want DD to say that if she'd had the tutoring her friend had had then she would have passed.

Octoberfishing · 18/10/2022 14:35

ElvenDreamer · 18/10/2022 14:30

@Octoberfishing Relax back from it a bit, if the tutoring is very intense, you're right, it's utterly unsustainable, your stress levels will be higher as it will start to feel more and more like it must happens at all costs. Treat it like an opportunity to learn things, at the most bog standard state comp they will still stream, so anything learnt will help them get in those higher streams if grammar doesn't happen. Above all do not let the stress show to your DC, come and rant on here instead! Also, some days they'll do some work that tells you they're flying, other days they make you wonder if they've ever been taught anything in school, don't let those days get to you, they are only human, and so are you. Research your plan B, in a positive way. Best of luck on your journey. I have done it 2 years in a row now, (and still have a tense wait until March now) and thankfully have a year off before my final time!

Thanks, this seems good advice!

I struggle taking a step back from the tutoring homework in case she falls behind and can't pick it back up, but you're right - I could perhaps pick and choose a bit more. Maybe she doesn't need to waste 20 minutes doing grammar exercises she finds easy.

monkeyblonde · 18/10/2022 14:40

Octoberfishing · 18/10/2022 14:32

@monkeyblonde Thanks! Happy to DM if you'd rather so as not to derail the thread.

DD spent about 3 hours doing the tutoring homework on Saturday. She did another hour on Sunday (and took the rest of the day off as she felt unwell) and I reckon she's going to need to do about 1 hr minimum each night this week to keep on top of it (plus a midweek online class tonight) before Friday when she has her next in-person session. It's so intense and I worry that if she doesn't pass, she'll feel she has wasted a year.

Why are we doing such intense tutoring? DD has always been greater depth across all measured subjects but finds maths and non-verbal reasoning hard. Her best friend is very clever and is doing the same tutoring.

We can afford it and don't want DD to say that if she'd had the tutoring her friend had had then she would have passed.

Sure, DM me!

ButterflyBiscuit · 18/10/2022 14:56

Wow an hour a night is truly excessive. If someone needs that level of intensity grammar really isn't right- also remember you have a 9/10 year old child here. Don't make them resent this year.

We did tuition once a week and on overage 10-30 mins one other day during the week. We worked through the cgp books in plenty of time.

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