Girls not allowed to use toilet during lessons - what to do?

[tigerbear]

DD has just begun secondary at an all girls school. It’s written into the school policy that they aren’t allowed to visit the toilet either during lessons, or inbetween lessons, ONLY at morning break and lunchtime.
Aside from the dangers of ‘holding it in’, I’m concerned about the discomfort and embarrassment of young girls who are just starting their periods, and getting used to all that entails.

DD and I had a chat last night about periods (the signs are there that she may start soon), and she said she’s concerned about starting at school and it showing on her clothes. I told her that if she does start, just to ask to go to the loo, but she said they aren’t allowed.

Has anyone else ever challenged their DD’s school on this policy, and if so, what was the outcome?

Put yourself in the teacher's shoes though where half the class want to go to the toilet and argue the toss about it, too. It's incredibly disruptive if children are in and out of the classroom. It's very hard to allow one child to go and not another.

I think a lot of parents would be shocked to see a video of how their children behave in class. (I'm not referring to the OP's child here.)

Sod trying to concentrate whilst in desperate need of the loo! What on earths going on? If they’re concerned about smoking/vaping in the loos, surely they can install smoke detectors? They even have vape detectors now.

Most schools have this type of policy.

My current school sends almost daily reminders to staff reminding them not to let pupils go to the toilet in lesson time. There are legitimate reasons for this including; vandalism, pupils arranging to meet up for social visits in the toilets during lesson time and pupils using their absence from the classroom to disappear from the lesson for a very long period of time. Of course some of these issues can lead to safeguarding concerns hence why there is a blanket ban. If every single pupil who asked to go to the toilet went when they asked, it would be impossible to know where pupils are and what they are doing etc.
However, there is a list of pupils who have a toilet pass and are allowed to the toilet. Most staff in the school know which pupils these are and this eliminates the need for the pass to be shown. It is also written into our policy that if the member of staff needs to see the pass, this should be done discreetly.

Of course, the vast majority of teachers will use their judgement, even with such policies in place. I have let pupils with period problems go to the loo when I shouldn’t have done because you know when a pupil is being sincere.

Please note that sometimes, it puts teachers in a difficult position and that they don’t always agree. For example, a few months ago, I was pulled to one side by a senior member of staff who had been in our block and had observed three pupils leave my classroom over the course of an hour to go to the toilet. The member of staff told me off. Each of the pupils had toilet passes and so had I not let them go, could have go into trouble in other ways. The policy says me must allow those with toilet passes to go…no matter when in the lesson or how often. The senior member of staff did not apologise or admit they were wrong but simply
issued a warning to the teachers in the block that they would be monitoring toilet use for the rest of the day. This then makes it tricky to use your compassion if you know someone needs it because you know they and you will end up in trouble, or simply not allowed to go into the toilet by the senior staff. Another reason to add to the many why after 12 years, I’ve don’t think this is the career for me anymore. I am seemingly not intelligent or trustworthy enough to use my own judgement with pupils I know in my own classroom.

Gosh. That rule was in place when I was girl. It's disruptive to leave during class blah blah blah. If someone needed to go they would raise their hand and ask then have to go through the usual script..

Girl: "Can I go to the bathroom, please?"
Teacher: "Why did you not go on your break?"
Girl: "I did."
Teacher: "Hmm. Ok don't be long."

But occasionally you'd be told "you can hold it for 20 minutes" by the ridiculously strict teachers. I was a terribly shy child, though, so did have some period accidents because I didn't have the courage to raise my hand in case I was told no. Then had to spend the rest of the day with my cardigan tied around my waist. It was miserable.

It’s a reasonable rule that children are not allowed to go to the loo during the lessons and they should go during the break. I would not imagine it is a hard and fast rule though for something like a kid who is having a period, in which case they can go to the office. Surely the best way of handling it is to have a word with the school. Obviously staff do not want kids to go nipping to the loo every five minutes as they will do if a rule isn’t in place. But there is the general role and there are the exceptions as when a kid say has an infection or a problem

OP, I think the most worrying thing is the sign that this school cannot adequately instill self-dicipline, and so it is relying on blanket bans and over-regulation.

Time to look for a school that can do better.

SMT member here, yep I’d challenge. In most schools that would mean a block of over two hours without access to a loo, not ok.

However, some students do use loo breaks to wander, stare dreamily at the sea and sunbathe ( live abroad and work in a school with a glorious location). I sometimes notice one or two students were trotting to the loo every lesson, I would simply and quietly say that the teen needed to make up the time of lost learning during break, only have to carry this out once or twice. So if they are gone for 5 they make up 5. Obviously this would be for repeat instances and I check there are no medical conditions etc. In twenty years, one parent was sniffy about it, but as I explained when kids are in employment they will still have to catch up on their assigned tasks if they use the loo outside set breaks. This might be a suggestion to the school if they are trying to prevent kids wandering during lesson time.

However, I feel strongly kids need to use the loo when they need to, for some students using the loo during lesson time feels safer because it is quieter, also no sensible teacher allows kids to the toilet in pairs etc.. standard response is yes go, but when so and so returns.

I'm sure she will be able to go. Most schools say no but in reality no teacher is going to refuse a student who is desperate. If there were no policy students would just be off to the toilet constantly, because they are bored, want a walk, meet their friends, fix hair etc. Multiply by a class and the disruption to everyone's learning would be massive. As adults we do have to control our bladders and bowels and go at appropriate times, I fail to see why children shouldn't learn this skill too.

I don't think you can challenge unless a teacher has denied your DD to go to the loo.... tbh some teachers would let you go but there's always one to say NO.

I had this with DS and I spoke to the teacher... she wasn't pleased but I just stated DS could get a UTI and if you need to go... plus year 2 is small still.

Agree with this, DD's school has this policy but she has definitely gone during a lesson. Once she got told off being late as was sorting out a sudden period start and told the male teacher exactly why she was late

True. But not every high school girl wants to announce they NEED the loo because they can't hold their period in! Tbh unless a child is leaving a class multiple times during lesson, the rule should not be enforced unless a child has already been in class it's perfectly reasonable that a child needs the toilet. It's usually groups of kids that mess around in the loos

@ChristmasFluff she’s only been there a week, and otherwise loves it. It’s one of the ‘best’ in the country, gets excellent results and v over subscribed, so don’t want to move her, I just don’t like this particular rule.

If you have a good reason, then school will issue a toilet pass.

Hi op
It sounds like a very good school. Maybe see how your daughter gets on with the toilet rule for a while before questioning it. They obviously have it for a reason. And don't forget teachers have the exact same rule themselves.
I'm a teacher and I find it takes a little while in the autumn term to get used to using the loo when I can rather than when I need to, if you get me.
And teachers always use their discretion particularly with younger girls asking. Already this term I have had to be quite blunt with some boys who tried to tell me they should go as I let a girl go. And as some pps have said this is a major source of conflict in lessons if there is no rule against going.