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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Does grammar school change girls?

69 replies

Narwhalelife · 17/06/2022 16:25

My DD is 12 (nearly 13) and attends an all girls grammar school, she wanted to go, did the tests passed both, no tutor no drama and so far it has been ok, she has some nice friends and did really well in the recent assessments etc.

I mentioned to a work colleague that she attends an all girls school and this colleague was stunned that I would send my daughter to an all girls school and didn’t I know that girls from these schools are ‘weird about boys/men’ and can become ‘obsessed and awkward’ when it comes to dating etc.

I had never even considered this! (Had considered a lot of other issues with all girls school like bullying etc.)

Does anyone have any girls (or boys) that have been through single sex schools and were not weirdos in the end with the opposite gender?

If applicable how did they meet boys/girls? To be able to gel with them ?

From a parent who literally has thought ‘what next?’ 😂

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SynchOrSwim · 17/06/2022 16:27

I grew up in a non grammar area but live in a grammar areas now and know lots of women in their 30s who went to grammars... all seem pretty normal to me.

Mushroo · 17/06/2022 16:28

I went to an all girls grammar and think I’m normal! Happily married.

I met boys through orchestra, duke of Edinburgh, friends of friends.

I loved going to an all girls school and if it meant me dating a bit later (I had my first BF at 17) I think that’s absolutely fine!

MiniatureHotdog · 17/06/2022 16:29

Your colleague sounds like a loon 😂

I went to a single sex school. Sure, the dynamic is probably different but it doesn't mean I didn't have male friends and boyfriends outside of school. At clubs, through friends and family, etc. Then I went to uni and somehow managed to (shock) talk to men and even be friends with them!

Just ignore her!

CandyLeBonBon · 17/06/2022 16:31

I went to an all girls' grammar and I'm lovely!

TeenPlusCat · 17/06/2022 16:31

This isn't really a 'grammar school' question is it, it's a 'single sex school' question.

I was at all girls from age 7-21. Of course it impacts, but some positive and some negative, and some negatives can be mitigated for by extra curricular activities.

Original poster
Narwhalelife · 17/06/2022 16:33

Thank you all for your swift comments, I did think it was odd but the single sex schooling is new to all of us in our family so we are proud but also getting to grips with it all!

Any other advice?

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ErrolTheDragon · 17/06/2022 16:33

My DD went to a girls' grammar ... it was good, she has had no problem with boys at all.
She met boys at various out of school activities, summer camps...

Some girls might be 'changed' by going to a coed school and having unwanted attention from boys. Or being 'spoken over' in class. It's pretty well known that more girls go on to STEM degrees/careers if they've been to an all girls school - the natural aptitude of many may be quashed by ridiculous gendering of subjects in mixed schools.

Original poster
Narwhalelife · 17/06/2022 16:35

@TeenPlusCat in our area only the grammar schools are singe sex, wasn’t sure what the arrangements are elsewhere

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Original poster
Narwhalelife · 17/06/2022 16:37

@ErrolTheDragon this may be true, our older DD went to comprehensive and she was terribly shy at times about speaking in class because the boys would take the mick

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SeasonFinale · 17/06/2022 16:37

I went to a girls grammar and had no problems meeting boys out of school at various activities and clubs. Met subsequent partners at work etc and my DH at work

Pretty sure I am not a weirdo buy maybe people think I am!

blue421 · 17/06/2022 16:38

I went to a girls' grammar and loved it.

I think the 'awkward around boys' line is overstated. It really wasn't a problem and some of my male friends from uni are still my closest friends.

If anything, I think there's less awkwardness as you skip the slightly immature phase where the girls and boys make a big deal about each other. I notice this when we get together with friends whose kids are at mixed schools and my sons (both at a single sex school) are more natural and less silly around the girls.

Not saying that's the case for everyone at mixed schools but I honestly think people make single sex schools a bigger deal than they are in reality.

DazzlePaintedBattlePants · 17/06/2022 16:40

I went to all girls schools from the age of 7. Never learnt to be deferential to men, enjoyed amazing education with no nonsense. 19 girls in my 6th form of around 100 physics A level.

no major issues with male relationships. If it was an option I’d send my daughter to single sex schools.

LightandMomentary · 17/06/2022 16:40

Lol, I also went to an all girls grammar and enjoyed the fact that during the day I could get on with my work (without wanting to make eyes etc at boys in the class - which I would have wanted to do!) but after school would meet the aforementioned boys at the end of the road and also at weekends. Made life very simple. Nothing strange about my ongoing relationships with men, either working with them or being married to one for almost 30 years.

AnImaginaryCat · 17/06/2022 16:44

No. I reakon she'll manage to m8x with boys. Well unless you are planning on dropping her at the gates for full boarding until graduation and she's never let off the grounds? (I feel you probably won't so my guess is she'll be fine.)

Girls" schools tend to benefit girls more than mix sex. From my experience some people think it's bad and will affect girls. However the terrible effect is polar opposite either terrified of boys and can't talk to then or sex-crazed nymphomaniac (Admittedly a nymphomaniac is mostly likely going to be sex-crazed, so no need to that adjective but you get what I mean!!)

Have gone to a mixed school I can tell you that you'll find girls who are awkward around boys and don't date till later and those who aren't snd have a boyfriend young too. So not exclusive to single sex school.

One bonus is she'll be less likely to be subject to sexual harassment from fellow student.

Original poster
Narwhalelife · 17/06/2022 16:46

Honestly everyone, thank you for your replies, it has made me feel better because I did start to think actually how will she learn about being around boys when we don’t know any 🤣

@LightandMomentary this sounds like an idea scenario tbh, keep their concentration in class. I know with older DD as soon as they got to year 9 (around 14 yrs old) all the stories were about how the boys were messing around in class or disturbing them!

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skgnome · 17/06/2022 16:49

My DD is about to start on a all girls school, so have no idea, got the same comments as you
then I started talking with people that went to single sex schools and found some of them loved it and are very well adjusted, had no issues later in life making friends with the opposite sex and are very successful on their chosen field and have lovely partners/kids
have also heard about horrible bullying and people that found very hard to relate with the opposite sex once the finished school
and everything in between
then I remembered I went co-ed all my life and from 13-17 I couldn’t speak to a male without getting nervous and being a full mess - by 21 I had a very big group of very close male friends…. And I’m sure anyone that has been in co-ed can tell you about people that we’re just awkward with the opposite sex…
so I would say it’s more to do with personality than anything else

DelurkingAJ · 17/06/2022 16:49

I was all girls 11-16 then mixed sixth form. Perfect balance for me. I did STEM and by sixth form the boys were less silly.

Kite22 · 17/06/2022 16:52

I went to a girls grammar back in the dark ages and consider myself to be pretty normal Grin
My dc all went to single sex schools for secondary (not grammars) and they are all pretty normal too.

One thing that I think is key is doing things outside of school - doesn't really matter what .....Scouts, sports, drama, music, youth clubs, church, etc. Anything where they expand their friendship groups with both boys and girls.

CrunchyCarrot · 17/06/2022 16:57

I went to a girls' grammar school. I suffered a lot from being bullied in my later years. A number of the girls did have boyfriends. I come from an all-female family, no father around, so for me, mixing with boys was quite difficult at first until I realised they are just people! I think for me the issue was no male father figure, that was more damaging than the all girls' school.

Original poster
Narwhalelife · 17/06/2022 16:57

@Kite22 good advice. I have been on at her about a club/ hobby (although she makes jewellery) for the social side of things l, but atm she is adjusting to all the homework etc so hopefully next term

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Original poster
Narwhalelife · 17/06/2022 16:58

@CrunchyCarrot sorry to hear that 😢 bullying is my main concern.
she had her dad so fingers crossed

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frogswimming · 17/06/2022 16:59

I went to a girls school. Everyone is normal about boys!!! Literally thousands of people go to girls schools. They might even be friends with boys or have brothers!!

LuckyAmy1986 · 17/06/2022 17:01

She'll be fine. I went to an all girls grammar and it was great that there were no boys in the class. But there was a boys school nearby so we made friends with them on the bus or walk home, or we met boys out and about in town.

afuckinggoat · 17/06/2022 17:01

I went to a private all-girls primary, and an all-girls grammar for secondary. I'm afraid to say that I was completely silly about boys from
Y9 until I started Y12. Possibly because I'd never known any boys so they were the cool unknown in my inexperienced eyes.

As a teenager, I was quite the "pick me" girl.
I grew out of it.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 17/06/2022 17:05

Oh FFS tell your colleague to fuck off. What a load of rubbish.

Research shows girls do better at all girl schools. They can learn without boys dominating the classroom and, more importantly, not be subjected to sexualised language and harassment (that can occur in some co-Ed schools).

I'm sure your DD has males around her in some capacity (fathers, brothers, cousins, family friends etc). She's not in some weird vacuum.

I really to despair at the shit people come out with at times.