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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Does grammar school change girls?

69 replies

Narwhalelife · 17/06/2022 16:25

My DD is 12 (nearly 13) and attends an all girls grammar school, she wanted to go, did the tests passed both, no tutor no drama and so far it has been ok, she has some nice friends and did really well in the recent assessments etc.

I mentioned to a work colleague that she attends an all girls school and this colleague was stunned that I would send my daughter to an all girls school and didn’t I know that girls from these schools are ‘weird about boys/men’ and can become ‘obsessed and awkward’ when it comes to dating etc.

I had never even considered this! (Had considered a lot of other issues with all girls school like bullying etc.)

Does anyone have any girls (or boys) that have been through single sex schools and were not weirdos in the end with the opposite gender?

If applicable how did they meet boys/girls? To be able to gel with them ?

From a parent who literally has thought ‘what next?’ 😂

OP posts:

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 20/06/2022 14:43

I went to an all girls comprehensive and did just fine meeting boys, had several boyfriends, got married and gave birth to two boys. I am still good friends with a large group of women I went to school with, all pretty normal people.

My son's go to an all boys grammar and, similarly, manage to meet girls and have girlfriends despite being at school with boys. Who'd have thunk it.

VeryQuaintIrene · 20/06/2022 14:47

@DaisyWaldron
Really great post and my experience as well.

Sweetleftfood · 21/06/2022 10:17

Totally anecdotal but I used to work with a lovely girl who went to a strict catholic girls school, we were in our early 20s and she was just mental, totally promiscuous and said it was because she went to an all girls school

SleepingStandingUp · 21/06/2022 10:26

I was shy around lads at 15/16 but I got a part time job and made lad mates. Met my first snog there, and my first boyfriend (different people). Met my second bf through my first bf (oops). Met others through volunteer work and DH online. Friends met lads in similar ways - teenage jobs, hobbies, going out.
I do have more female than male friends but it's not an issue, had good relationships with men at work etc.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/06/2022 10:28

Also coincidentally bf1 and 2 both went to one all boys school, and DH to another all boys school 😂

Dido2010 · 21/06/2022 11:13

Hi Narwhalelife! I have worked in schools and with schools.

All the schools I worked in were co-ed. Boys' immature behaviour was moderated by girls. Girls were often intimidated away from Sports, Design-Tech and Maths-Physics by negative comments from boys or a strong negative stereotype about 'such' girls. Most girls were intensely body and looks conscious with boys around. Girls often did not join in discussions as these were immature or the girls were self conscious about coming across as assertive-aggressive-dominant and being put down accordingly. Generally, girls were clearly worse off.

My daughter was at an all girls secondary school and things were very different. She never even brushed her hair before school every morning! She and her cohort are fine and 'normal'. Her University Tutors said they can tell which women were at all girls schools as they are not intimidated by men: in Tutorials, Seminars or Plenary sessions.

A lot depends on having normal contact with boys outside of the classroom and in family life.

Notcontent · 21/06/2022 11:51

As PP said, research shows that girls really thrive in single sex schools. My dd goes to a single sex school and it really suits her. Girls can be themselves without worrying about boys.

Drywhitefruitycidergin · 21/06/2022 15:02

There is a podcast on BBC sounds which was referenced on a recent post about single sex girls school vs co-ed.
I found it reassuring as a parent of a yr6 about to go to an all girls school. (It was my dd1's first choice & was better overall school than the co-ed so I went with her wishes against my instinct)

SunshinePie · 21/06/2022 15:07

I went to an all girls school and it was awful. I didn’t meet any males until I left home at 18. My abusive father was the only male in my life so that’s what I grew up thinking all males were like. I have made a firm decision my children will go to mixed school, why segregate on genitalia? It’s archaic, sexist, and discriminatory. The world is made up of all sexes, religions, skin colours etc why treat people so differently that they need their own school?

In 50 years time we will look back at single sex schools the same way we look back at separate cafes for blacks/whites. We will be shocked we accepted it for so long.

rodham · 21/06/2022 20:00

What a load of rubbish! I went to an all girls school and we were all pretty confident with boys, loads had a boyfriend by 6th form. Most now married with children, all very normal.

BobbinHood · 21/06/2022 20:04

Does anyone have any girls (or boys) that have been through single sex schools and were not weirdos in the end with the opposite gender?

I am one. Comp, not grammar school though. I knew boys from sports clubs, music groups, local area, friends of friends, later through part time jobs and boyfriends met in various different places. I don’t think I ended up weird about men DH might disagree and I had a really solid female friendship group who are all still friends 15 years on, which none of my friends from mixed schools have (I appreciate that could be coincidence though).

TheScenicWay · 21/06/2022 20:07

In my experience, girls from a girls schools tend to be more confidant and don't feel like they need to change to impress men.
The downside is that they tend to usually know good men like their dad, uncles, cousins and brothers and don't read the signs when the men are not good or see through the words at the actions.

Cervinia · 21/06/2022 20:07

I went to an all girls’ grammar in the 80s, I was weird and embarrassed around boys at puberty but it didn’t impact my life after 16 when I went to a mixed college

Kite22 · 21/06/2022 20:11

Bit of an extreme view there SunshinePie

I am sorry to hear you had such a difficult childhood, but suggest that might be to do with your home rather than "single sex schooling".

Absolutely fine to make that choice for your own dc, but quite frankly, your final paragraph is ridiculous.

Dixiechickonhols · 22/06/2022 20:21

I went to a single sex comp and don’t consider myself weird, it was norm in our area. 2 girl comps and 2 boy comps and I went to the mixed 6th form. DD is at a mixed grammar. Fwiw there doesn’t seem much mixing in her friendship group her friends are girls. Their sixth form is also mixed.

Sortilege · 22/06/2022 20:26

Narwhalelife · 17/06/2022 16:25

I had never even considered this! (Had considered a lot of other issues with all girls school like bullying etc.)

Does anyone have any girls (or boys) that have been through single sex schools and were not weirdos in the end with the opposite gender?

If applicable how did they meet boys/girls? To be able to gel with them ?

From a parent who literally has thought ‘what next?’ 😂

This has always been an accusation, amongst all the accusations, thrown at single sex grammars. It doesn’t seem to be such a concern about single sex non-selective service, interestingly enough.

DD and I both went to single sex grammars. It wasn’t an issue. Everyone at school, including us, had social circles from primary school, clubs, local areas. Complete non-issue.

FWIW, I think the academics are often better when girls don’t have boys in class.

Thejoyfulstar · 22/06/2022 20:33

Me!!!!
I went to a girls' grammar school and I absolutely was very weird around boys/men right up into my mid twenties. I think it's why I developed a binge drinking habit that lasted 20 years, and all my friends who went to the same school agree.

By chance, my husband went to an all boys grammar school, and he feels exactly the same, right down to drinking in social situations to deal with the excruciating social awkwardness.

I put a lot of maladjusted personality traits down to my schooling, even though it was academically excellent. All my friends who attended the school agree (about themselves) as does my husband.

Thejoyfulstar · 22/06/2022 20:37

Sweetleftfood · 21/06/2022 10:17

Do I know you? 😂

minipie · 23/06/2022 19:30

Very odd view!

I went to a girls’ school. I didn’t have brothers or see much of boys outside school. I like to think I still turned out pretty normal! I vaguely dated someone in sixth form and then started having boyfriends at university - which was about when I was ready for it, tbh. I also had male friends. I didn’t regard them as some sort of different species despite lack of exposure.

If I’d had raging sexual hormones from 14 then perhaps a single sex school wouldn’t have been a great fit, but in that case I suspect a mixed school would have been a bad idea for other reasons!!

Thinking back to the girls I met at university, I have no idea whether most of them went to all girls’ or mixed schools. You certainly couldn’t tell from their behaviour around boys. The only one who behaved a little oddly had been to a girls’ school and then moved to a boys school with girls in the sixth form, which was notorious for the boys judging the girls on their looks. I think that did affect her negatively.

FWIW, I think the academics are often better when girls don’t have boys in class.. Yes, statistics back this up.

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