Lizzy I am so sorry for what you and your son are going through, sending you love and hugs as I know how tough that is.
My DD who is y11 has had a very tough 2 years with lockdown, getting very depressed at old school end of y10 so we needed to change her schools end y10 which worked well but catch up involved but gave her a great friend group, supportive teachers and more recently a lovely 6 foot 5 muscly boyfriend with swimming pool. She also had to deal with me going through cancer and chemotherapy at the moment and knowing the doctors took 4.5 months to refer whilst it was growing. I have 2 cancers but both in same breast. But she learnt with some guidance from me to self teach in lockdown and actually got ahead and wanted to take as many GCSEs as possible so she is taking 12 GCSEs and 1 level 3 and expected to get near perfect grades apart from maybe the 2 new ones she added but she knew that and said she still wanted. She has a summer job, friends, lovely supportive pastoral care, went to France on Eurostar by herself at Easter, stayed there for a week with our French friends. She is amazing and very beautiful as well. I am so glad our Maine Coon kitten has kept her calm and she also told me a lot of her friends are moaning about their Mums nagging them and I am the only Mum not nagging. She has amazing 6th form offers.
Then there is my son who has completely fallen apart, bless him, such a lovely, kind sweet boy and its heartbreaking and the lack of any support is awful. He went mute 3rd lockdown and has not spoken since but there is no support, one long cahms waiting list, 1 session, said too severe to help. An EHCP which will finally got after 3 years (delayed a year with lockdown and had to restart as no school then as no EHCP). No friends and no support at school, every school in county I approached refused to help when current school said can't meet needs. There are not enough school places in y10 in the county so no-one wants the SN kids which cost them money as SN funding can be used for any kid and they get the same if they have no SN kids as if they have lots. Its such as unfashionable cause as well, its easy at least to get help for my cancer but nothing for him for SN. He was devastated by my cancer, I have always been the person he is closest to and worships though he has avoided me since cancer and he has no friends here and has only ever spoken to odd teacher at school. I think children who need it should have been allowed to repeat a year. And mental health support is shocking. A kid on the y10 residential school just attempted suicide, there's no help here until an active attempt has been made. A lovely cancer charity has just given us a week away in Cornwall.
10th chemo done but one hell of a day as the LA has just changed the safety plan to DS 4 days ago to call police every time school don't know where he is in school. So day 1 police called and he returns at 3.15pm so police come here to interview mute child, lovely police but interview went well, not. Then needed to keep him home with no education 2 days as school could not cope due to lack of staff. Staff back Mon but not using his TA for him so they call police again whilst I am due to go to chemo. Thought would need to cancel it but thankfully police tracked him to music dept, did one search of our house first, pointless but at least they can now see that. GCSEs fine maths yesterday, stats today.