How should we be preparing our 10yr old state educated primary DD for private secondary at 11yrs?

[twistyizzy]

Just as title asks really. DD state educated at what we thought was a very good primary school however that hasn't turned out to be the case. We have her name down for public school for Yr7 and are currently starting with a tutor in preparation for the entrance exam in January.
I know the transition from primary to secondary is huge anyway but is there anything we should know/do to prepare her to leave the state sector, assuming of course that she is accepted into the public secondary school?

Are you only applying to one school? Is this because you have reason to believe she’ll definitely get in? You don’t have one in reserve, just in case?

And you say ‘public school’ - so, boarding? Because obviously there’s more mental and practical preparation needed when moving from day to boarding.

If boarding, it’s likely to have a more international student body, with a wider range of experiences than she would have encountered before. It will help if she can hold her own in conversation, is her own person, with a couple of things she’s really good at.

If not boarding I don’t think it will be massively different to joining a new state senior school. If you’re disappointed in her current school for academic reasons she may be surprised at a faster pace of work and the expectation of high standards in every lesson. (Though this depends on the individual school!) Really hard to say without knowing more.

It's a well trodden path and many other kids will be in the same position, so don't think you need to do anything in particular. Having made the same move, the only thing that might be worth thinking about is the sport - prep school kids seem to play a lot, so if your DD is sporty and wants to be on the A teams, she could get involved with a team outside of school, but regardless she will soon catch up

(have assumed it is not boarding - but may be it is! In which case, I can't really answer)

We just sent ours. They were both fine.

Is that a thing? Preparing them?

I agree about the sport--my daughter was sporty but often overlooked because the staff would automatically choose girls from the nearby prep school for teams, probably because they knew them and their former teachers. My daughter found this very frustrating and it took a while to show the new teachers what she could do. But she was good at athletics and had been to a club for some years, and that's pretty easy for staff to notice.

Music is another thing to encourage. If you play an orchestral/ensemble instrument it's a good way to get to know other people.

I agree with the others, having also done this. The sport was the big difference - mine had done far less sport than the prep school kids. It hasn't been a problem, but it's definitely a difference. If it's quite an academically high-flying school, you might want to prepare her for the fact that she won't be top of the tree any more - however bright she was at primary, there will be others who are cleverer than her - and that's fine. Same with things like music - she should still be proud of her grade 3 recorder or whatever, but there will be kids at grade 8 plus on more than one instrument - and again, that's fine. She might also need to understand that there will be others much wealthier than her, depending on your background. Again, it's never been an issue, but being at school with yacht owners (as well as bursary kids) has certainly been an eye opener. But really there's no special preparation in this - as long as your daughter's the type who is comfortable in her own skin, and isn't too liable to judge herself against others, she'll be fine.

@cantatata It is actually possible for the cleverest child in a school to come from the state sector!

You're totally right! And actually I didn't mean that as a primary/prep comment (though I realise it sounded like that!). I guess what I meant was that if you're going from a totally non-selective setting to a highly selective setting (whether state or private), then the chances of being top of the class (certainly in multiple subjects) is much lower. Of course, somebody's still got to be top of the class, so it could be OP's daughter.

Haha, yes, I didn't think you actually meant it the way it sounded.

You should be applying to a host of schools rather than one and your DC should be onboard for all of them. Ensure you motivate your DC that this is a great opportunity.

Prep them for the wealth differences, it will effect them no matter what a parent tells you, it happened to me, state primary to indie senior, I felt like the poor church mouse my entire school career- never told my parents- I still went to a great uni and a great job, but if I'm honest, I always feel like an outsider with old school friends and with people I grew up with from state primary, but the positive is I can mix with a wide range of people.

I think nowadays there's a lot more diversity going private, so theres likely to be a number of 'normal' families from state school making sacrifices or lucky to get a bursary, so your DC will be fine.

Thank you everyone. Yes the school we hope to send her to is very sporty so this could potentially be the biggest change, all Wednesdau afternoon is dedicated to sport and they take it very seriously.
@namethattunein1 we only have the option of 1 x private or state in this area, no grammar and no other private so yes it it literally this one we are aiming for although will obviously apply for state in case she doesn't pass the entrance exam. It is that wealth gap I'm thinking we need to prepare her for. In her state primary we are probably at the top end of the salary/income bracket however could easily be middle-bottom at private school.

@cantatata that is my concern, she has been near the top of her class through primary but I'm well aware this probably won't be the case if she gets into the private school. There will be that plus the socio-economic differences in addition to the difference in emphasis on sports etc.

One of mine went from state primary to private secondary. Sport was a big change. Quite a few had played things like hockey before, and mine hadn’t. Also, languages. Quite a few had learned French at prep school, and mine hadn’t.

The wealth gap …

It depends on the ethos of the school. If they have an established bursary programme and actively seek diversity in their intake then this shouldn’t be so much of a problem. In every area of life there will be better off and worse off people; children know that - but a fee paying school can do a lot to ensure pupils are celebrated and respected for their own individual qualities.

If your proposed school doesn’t shout about bursaries on its website then it may not be addressing this issue with sufficient vigour.

It’s a thing that you, as parents, need to investigate as part of your due diligence. Doesn’t matter if it’s the only school for a hundred miles around - is it one that accords with your own values?

We moved state to private in year 6 and the deltas were

• sport 5 hrs a week v 1 hr. So the kids already playing weekly sports fixtures (hockey, netball, football, cricket, rugby etc) v shuttle runs with bean bags ..
• much higher level of music . Our state primary someone in yr 6 got star of the week for their grade 1 exam (this was the only one in the 5 odd years we were there).. private school someone in year 5 was already on grade 5..
• I'd find out what level of languages they are expected to be at. French yr 6 they are on 4 hrs a week v 0.5hr at primary. Also 2 hrs a week of Latin which was new to DC. Yr 7 they also do Spanish.

State primary in London / other city will be better than ours but ours was v limited.

@TottersBlankly thank you. We love the school, have had a good few chats with the Headmaster, been to an open morning and a know people who have sent their children there. It has always come across as a very nurturing school environment and we have always been impressed with the attitude and manner of children who go there ie well spoken but not in any way superior or stuck up. It does mention bursaries in the literature but definitely there is no shouting about it and no published statistics about how many it gives each year, although we have researched that through its published accounts. Our daughter is clever although not unusually so but she doesn't push herself forwards so we feel the smaller classes where she can build her confidence will suit her better.
There are a proportion of boarders, some of whom are from abroad (China).

Oh and on the money side we were top income bracket at the primary and now near the bottom at the private school. If you don't make a big thing of it the children will shrug it off.

@MrPickles73 that sounds very much a similar position as ours

We moved across and found similar

Sport - eg Ds just starting hockey, I’m glad he’s going it but others have been doing it for a while, water polo too, he did tennis in primary outside so less of a gap there

Music - he’s grade 5 / 6 due to outside lessons so that’s not too much of a gap and is in the school dance / drama which I hope continues

Grades - he’s doing well but he’s in a selective school and the make is different

We didn’t really prepare him other than a few papers.

Oh and languages he’s just started Latin and seems to be ok with the other MFL despite not doing much earlier on

@MarshaBradyo yes we've sorted a tutor as her school have really dropped the ball over the last 12 months we feel although I fully appreciate the issue with lockdown etc. From this thread I've realised that the things we need to prepare for are not even necessarily the academic side but the sport/music/languages aspect. She only does 2 x short PE sessions per week in her primary school so 1 x full afternoon per week + additional PE sessions are going to be a shock to the system 😆

From where we live the private schools provided much more lockdown learning than the state primaries so getting a tutor is a good idea to plug any gaps.

For us french and Latin was the biggest gap. Once she's passed the exam I would ask the school. You may find they have lots of other joiners in a similar boat and will allow for it.

@MrPickles73 exactly the same here, our primary was providing approx 1-2 hours per day whereas the prep school was doing full days over zoom/teams. We are just using the tutor to plug the gaps over the next 8 months in English a day maths. Thankfully it is an entrance exam rather than the 11+ as we aren't in a grammar school area.

Sounds as though you have it all in hand