How should we be preparing our 10yr old state educated primary DD for private secondary at 11yrs?

[twistyizzy]

Just as title asks really. DD state educated at what we thought was a very good primary school however that hasn't turned out to be the case. We have her name down for public school for Yr7 and are currently starting with a tutor in preparation for the entrance exam in January.
I know the transition from primary to secondary is huge anyway but is there anything we should know/do to prepare her to leave the state sector, assuming of course that she is accepted into the public secondary school?

Hopefully! The state options are really quite dire in terms of results, behaviour and expectations so we are trying to do everything to make sure she gets in to the private school. We are just very fortunate that we can afford to do it but having no experience ourselves of the private sector (grew up in grammar school counties) we just want to make sure we are setting her (and our) expectations correctly to make the adjustment.

Did the same transition with my two DD at 11 to independent in Hampstead.
Don't worry in the slightest about "wealth gap". It never arises (except for the £2,000 skiing trip!!) as the kids all pretend to be gangstas from the 'hood.

My biggest complaint is that the schoolkids are not posh enough!!

(Sort of joking, but not really.)

What you will experience is it's very likely with the 11+ year 7 group that many will have perhaps come from same primary or have many friends in common.

What does get them excited is DDs of the famous! To have one of the Spice Girls daughters or from Peaky Blinders is the only thing that impresses any of them.

But whatever you do don't watch this instagram!!

www.instagram.com/p/CbhzXIdg1b5/

@MayfairW1 🙈🤣

In a previous century, when I moved from a reasonably good state school to an all girls independent school, there was no preparation at all for the shock of proper Latin rather than the unchallenging stuff I’d been doing. I really struggled for months, then admitted I was struggling and was a given a little help. Left with an A at O’ Level! This century, the young in our family making a similar move were sent an entire textbook as a pdf (from the new school) and we spent the Summer helping them to catch up.

Independent schools are quite hot on the basics of any subject - multiplication tables, spelling, French / German / Latin vocabulary. Prep set and expected to be completed on time. My impression is that state schools have gradually decreased the competitive element of learning - if this is the case at your current school you may need to do something to prepare her for that. Aspirations should be universally high at the independent school - this might come as a relief.

Thank you @TottersBlankly that does help massively. Yes there is zero competitive learning and no consequences from the school if homework isn't completed at primary. These are the things we will need to explain to her and prepare her for, things I had never really considered either.

I wonder if anyone ever unravelled the mystery of the SAT exam taken in Y6 but no results to parents until long after new secondary school resolved. Have been told results are sent to new school for them to stream or allocated Y7 classes?
Otherwise, what use are these tests to anyone?
(Perhaps more to gauge progress of the primary school rather than the child?)

I should have said, we haven't regretted the decision for a single second. I think as long as things like sport and music are inclusive, there's no problem. My kids absolutely love all the sport and music they get to do, even though they hadn't done much before. Catching up in MFL and Latin hasn't been an issue at all. They're incredibly happy at school.

@cantatata thank you, we are hoping that is the case for our DD too. Now just keeping everything crossed that she gets in as I really think it will suit her much more than the nearest comp.

100% SATS are created to test the school. Hence why they are sat after secondary places are allocated. Schools may then use them for setting but mainly they are for monitoring schools.

My 2 went Private at Y7
No knowledge gap and no need to prepare them for a wealth gap either, it’s only a big deal if you make it one.

You should tell her that she will not have covered as much of the syllabus as those students coming from a prep school. But you should make it clear that that does not mean that she is not as clever as the prep students. That is a myth.

If it is a large traditional prep school there will be a number of new entrants at Y7 - many from the state sector and others from abroad/international schools. A good prep will perform base line tests and provide small group teaching for a term or so in subjects like languages which some of the new entrants will not have studied before.
If they are clever thay will soon catch up.

I know a lot of prep school parents who have been shocked to see their children out performed by new entrants from the state sector. But money does not buy brains.

You may wish to polish her lacrosse skills though

I don't know why so many posters are saying 'no wealth gap' Prep school parents pay a huge deposit when their child is accepted at private primary, not all, but most, mine was a full terms fees I didn't get back till they left the school. Then of course theres the fees, theres no bursary system or scholarship at this age, a handful offer help at 7+, most don't (Not officially) I won't cover uniform as at least one can get those second hand, but not all, there's school trips, much more than friends had for their DC at state primary.

Of those privately educated DC heading into senior school, are from families that have paid in some examples, (like mine) over 100 grand in fees , how does that compare with state primary families that have had none of those costs?? This is a HUGE sum of money my family has sacrificed for education.

As parents we tend to see what we want to see, rather than pretend there's no difference.

Openly discuss this with your child, OP, the differences in households wealth, how private schools attract wealthier families , by keeping it open rather than doing the British thing of sticking your head in the sand and pretending everything is fine, you'll be doing a great thing for your DC.

There will be parents who will judge by your primary school, there will be parents who judge by what you do, your income.

Lucky for the kids, they don't have our hang ups, and your child will be totally accepted by the other kids who may or may not be prep school educated, as I mentioned earlier, its more a thing for the child coming from a more 'normal' background where they haven't been exposed to huge variances in peoples houses and cars, etc.

The fact you are aware of all this, I'm positive your DC will be fine and flourish. There's also a lot more state educated children entering private at 11, its so much more normal now and amongst most parents who did educate their kids at private primary, there's a belief that the indie school selects the best from the state, a healthy respect which is reflected by the school itself, certainly that's what I see.

[quote Innocenta]@cantatata It is actually possible for the cleverest child in a school to come from the state sector! [/quote]
Exactly

namethattuenein1
There isn’t always a wealth gap though, it varies from school to school.
We are probably about average for the DCs school, there are a few super rich families but it’s never been an issue.
I suppose if you live in a small flat in a dodgy area and GPs pay fees or the child has a full scholarship there could be a huge gap but it’s genuinely never been an issue for us
It might be because we are in The North though so no Bankers or (previously) Russian Oligarchs

@Hoppinggreen

namethattuenein1 There isn’t always a wealth gap though, it varies from school to school. We are probably about average for the DCs school, there are a few super rich families but it’s never been an issue. I suppose if you live in a small flat in a dodgy area and GPs pay fees or the child has a full scholarship there could be a huge gap but it’s genuinely never been an issue for us It might be because we are in The North though so no Bankers or (previously) Russian Oligarchs

Very true Hopping,

We live in London so it's all very rich and very poor all cheek by jowl. I read through OP responses and it sounds like its a bit more homogenous area.

It's good to talk through all their concerns with the DC though, as any Yr7 is grown up enough to think about these things also.

@Hoppinggreen we are Northern England too however there is a small proportion of foreign boarders as well as day pupils.

@namethattunein1 thank you, I will discuss this with her if she does get accepted. We will definitely be in the lower end of the salary bracket, although well over the cut off for bursary, so she will definitely be seeing friends living in grander houses/many with farms etc.

You have a massive advantage - with your daughter (all schools love a girl) and coming from state - adds to the stats 👍

Yes Latin and French is a big jump plus Spanish on the side lines….

Depends what’s the school like - but generally some schools is all about the A team (with that it’s children playing at nationals etc) it’s not children that are good at sports it’s children that are absolutely amazing - all county kids.

Plus I love daddies car day on a Friday - it’s an eye opener haha

Oh and my daughter is skiing now….

The gap is huge even within the independents. There is snobbery and a lot of bitchy stuff goes on plus affairs.

If it’s not a through school I’d strongly consider finding a school that is - however you defo have the advantage of a girl within the private setting. The 11 plus is absolutely evil even if your child is smart enough there isn’t enough places plus the sibling policy.

Might not be too bad up north… compared down south.

Good luck I hope your daughter loves it.

@Ilovechoc12 no 11+ thank god as we aren't a grammar school county so just the school's own entrance exam. The school is very hot on its sports and a lot do go on to play for county/national adult teams. Our daughter won't be competition for any groups ha ha, she enjoys sport but isn't particularly skilled at any of them. It is a through school but we made the decision to send her stare primary to give us chance to save up 3-4 years fees in advance for secondary and it is too late to move her now.
As long as there isn't a mummies car day of the week we will be fine as mine is a skip on wheels 😆

We live within walking distance of school so I don’t have to reveal my skip of a car to anyone !!

Thankfully there is a school bus and it is near my husband's work so thankfully I shouldn't ever need to take my car 😆

@MayfairW1 my daughter boarded with the DD of one of the Spice Girls. The boarders were all sat down and told this girl was coming who had a very famous mother, but she should be treated the same as everyone else. There was blank incomprehension from most of the kids when they were told who the mother was, as she was largely only famous in U.K. and most of the kids were not British.

[quote MadameFantabulosa]@MayfairW1 my daughter boarded with the DD of one of the Spice Girls. The boarders were all sat down and told this girl was coming who had a very famous mother, but she should be treated the same as everyone else. There was blank incomprehension from most of the kids when they were told who the mother was, as she was largely only famous in U.K. and most of the kids were not British.[/quote]
Haha! This is so true.

A girlfriend whose DS attends a day school in Hampstead knows a boy who has a mega famous grandfather and two boys whose dad is a mega famous ex-footballer and mum is an ex-spice - None of the other boys were particularly impressed , as is usual with these things, it was the parents, most kids are impressed by celebs not old enough to have children at preps never mind senior schools...Tik-Tok celebs most parents haven't even heard of...

You will need to prepare yourself too. If you are looking at the London schools, (you may not be, of course) then the competition is fierce. (Two grandchildren have recently gone through the process).

You need to consider more than one school, and visit them on their open days.

Also get together a list of when the deposit should be paid and the dates of the exams.

Actual preparation should be for the English, the maths and the verbal and non verbal reasoning, and, importantly, interview technique.

On the social side, I wouldn't worry about it. There will be children from all kinds of backgrounds and you can't have any influence over that.

I've just realized that you are in the north, so the London schools advice isn't relevant.

Even so, I would still be looking at multiple schools.

Good luck with it all.