Success stories despite failing 11 plus

[Odette81]

My DD is feeling dejected after failing her 11 plus.

Please fill me with hope and success stories and advice to make her feel better.

She is dreading school tomorrow with lots of friends having passed.

My DD didn't pass her 11+. She went to the local girls comprehensive. Came out with excellent GCSEs and 2A* and an A at A level. Now at her first choice uni (Bristol).

I’m so pleased that this thread has helped you too @BigSigh2021 and hope that your DS is OK tonight too.

I keep coming back to read through it all again.

Thanks again for all the positive stories from so many posters. Please keep adding if you have any more.

I think it also depends if DD was trying for a super selective. Our LA results are not yet published. When there are few grammars, the other schools do have a pretty broad range of abilities. Our secondary moderns do bug funding an Oxbridge student would be looking for a needle in a haystack. However that doesn’t mean these schools don’t have successful DC in them! They absolutely do!

But finding an Oxbridge student ….

My youngest passed the 11+ with a high score and went to the local grammar. He was relentlessly bullied there, the staff were hopeless at dealing with it, he had a breakdown and never went back to school.

Passing the 11+ was the worst thing that could have happened to him.

Really sorry to hear that @CoastalSwimmer. Puts things in perspective a bit.

Some children are bullied for being “too clever by half” in comprehensives. I’m sorry to hear what happened but bullies are everywhere.

On the other side of the coin, I passed my 11plus but really struggled to keep up in a cohort of excessively bright girls.

I ended up being "managed out" of the school and went to a comp instead. I did really well and had a great career pre kids.

I'm a little bit relieved that DS only passed 2 out of 3 of his papers so won't be offered a place. I don't know if he would have coped at the grammar.

So why even sit for it? It’s not obligatory. I think a lot of people go with the flow whereas you could take the pressure off if you chose to.

Failed my 11 plus.

Failed it by one mark and was heart broken.

I’m now ‘very’ high up in a well known, international drinks company, it means very little, use it as a learning experience, don’t give up and feel deflated. Let it ignite her tenacity, ingenuity and determination.

Because DS asked to sit the test.

We didn't tutor or do any study. So no big build up or pressure. My experiences put a small doubt in my mind. But he is not me and it wouldn't be fair for me to prevent him from trying because of my experiences.

If you live in a grammar county, you can appeal a 1 mark deficit. Some years they would just let you in if schools are short of passes!

Op I live in a grammar school area in the town I live there is 3 of them . 2 of them are super selective taking only children with a high % of 11 passes

The school in the area with the highest results BOTH for boys and girls is not any of the 3 grammar schools. Its the c of e secondary school. Mixed school.

I know people who pick this school above the grammar schools. My youngest went to this school and it is a great school ds went to one of the boys grammars but changed to the c of e for 6th form and loved it.

The 11 plus is not the be all and end all. Like I say to my kids often. Ok so we find out what plan B is and work from there.

Good luck

I live in a wholly selective county. There are no comprehensives, only grammars and secondaries.

There are very few secondaries that are decent - outweighed by the crap ones. There is a very high demand for them, so unless you live on top of them/are very religious, you face your child going to a crap secondary.

There is a large cohort at the grammars (particularly the single sex ones), who would have gone to public schools if they hadn't passed, which shows how highly regarded the schools are.

It is still a great leveller though. Nearly all are tutored. My two children (one of whom was a child to a single mum on benefits, went to a decent primary though - my youngest went to a school that was dire and put into special measures), weren't tutored.

I didn't pass my 12+ (as it was then), in fact I didn't even take on of the papers as I was always sick. I suffered from school phobia. I still went on to do A levels and went to university, but it wasn't the success or failure of the selective process that helped me.

Children are all different, it's nurturing the child, not trying to get the child to fit into a hole, that is important.

DD failed the 11+ for 2 different counties. She went to a normal comprehensive school, where she was very happy.

She is clever and worked very hard from the outset.

She got 10 GCSEs all at grade 8 or 9.

4 x A* at A Level.

She was offered a place at a grammar for 6th form but declined it and stayed at her comp because she just couldn't bear leaving all her friends and the fantastic teachers she knew.

She is now studying for a masters degree in a STEM subject in one of the best unis in the world.

My godmother's husband failed his, went to Cambridge and then became a professor.

A lot of people are bright in one dimension so are not necessarily suited to the 11 plus which tends to test a broader range of learning. Therefore they might be gifted mathematicians but not good enough at 11 plus English because they don’t read enough. It’s often the scientists who get overlooked!

The test is definitely weighted towards English and verbal skills. Lots of top set maths kids didn’t pass in our school last year. Yet middle set but stronger readers often did.

I'm delighted every day to not be in a grammar area. My DC are at a huge great comp. Loving every minute.
Two others we know went to grammar some distance away and have long days, less fun and always look weary

You do not have to take the 11 plus in a grammar county. There are great secondary modern schools and plenty of their pupils do very well. It’s hardly a death sentence. The only important thing to do is live in catchment if your chosen school! Many of the neighbouring comps in other counties don’t do as well as my local secondary modern! And my local secondary modern has at least 25% of the brightest missing as they are in the grammars. So it’s a case of being a supportive parent and ensuring your DC does the best they can

@Highlandskye

As a child of a recent immigrant at the time, we didn’t even know there was an 11+ - ended up at local ‘sink school’…..straight A’s & B’s at gcse (unheard of at that school I later found out) and a fab time getting up to all kinds of mischief. Then A’s at A-LEVEL (sciences) at local 6th form college. Ended up with 1st class degree and Doctorate at top five uni (internationally). However, now I do know, I still chose NOT to enter my kids for the 11+. Found a state school I was happy with. I do, however, actively invest time in their learning. I encourage mindless fun times, and i’m a ‘soccer mom/taxi’ for their chosen sport. My life path made me want to ensure a range of experiences for my children growing up. I was soo surprised by how many unhappy people were at uni that had been hothoused since primary and ‘self-medicated’ accordingly. It was quite tragic to watch. I never really understood it at the time as I had had such a pressure free academic career up till then and loved the opportunity to be at uni….I just so happened to be good at the subjects I liked and naively assumed that’s how people got to study what they studies at uni…..not the case. So many on my course hated it. In fact hated science full stop. Didn’t want to be doctors/scientists at all. Unfortunately the ‘issues’ my uni mates had didn’t always resolved into adulthood. Anecdotally, I’m grateful for the path I took and always thought happiness for my children would be my first focus. Find their strength(s) and nurture them. 11+ does not define your child whether they ‘pass’ or ‘fail’. By the way. My kids hate science/medicine. That did take some resolve to not take personally

This is a great post. Thank you for this insight.

I’m in the same position as you - my son missed out by 2 marks! He’s pretty devastated as most of his friends passed and he’ll now be the only one from his school going to the local comp. I think it’s that that’s bothering him more than not going to a grammar - facing all his friends next week and being one of the only ones who didn’t pass. I do feel for him - hate the thought of him thinking that he’s ‘failed’ or not good enough at age 10 - it seems a very early and harsh life lesson. I know he’ll be fine though - as will you daughter - I didn’t pass (despite being tutored), was separated from all my friends who went to grammar - i went to the local comp and did brilliantly and ended up doing a bachelors and a masters at one of the top universities in the country. I think that early ‘failure’ spurred me on to prove to myself that I was clever and I could achieve anything I set my mind to. I really think a bright kid at any school will do well wherever they are! Hope your daughter got on ok seeing her friends at school? - my son has that joy on Monday!

Where do you live and which school does your son goes to that have all children except him going to grammar? I guess he will benefit from seeing a much bigger world out there where the vast majority of people he meets will not have attended a grammar school.

My dd wasn't grammar material at 11 but achieved all grade 7-9 at GCSE and has a string of As at A-level. Education is a marathon and not a sprint. I'm sure that you've picked another school with fab facilities and other great kids like her. Is the comp closer? More likely to have friends who can walk to school with her? Etc