Success stories despite failing 11 plus

[Odette81]

My DD is feeling dejected after failing her 11 plus.

Please fill me with hope and success stories and advice to make her feel better.

She is dreading school tomorrow with lots of friends having passed.

Thank you for all the wise words of advice.
Life is full of set backs but at aged 10, it does seem extra hard. We’ve told her how proud we are that she even chose to put herself forward to sit the test in the first place. We’ve been listing all the other people she knows at the local comp including older girls from her ballet class (that she admires) and she is starting to feel better. We’ll definitely emphasise that there are lots of ‘different’ schools suiting lots of different pupils - you’re right that grammar doesn’t always equal ‘better’.
The success stories on here have definitely reassured her and us - thank you.

@Odette81 I suspect that if you do some research in to local progress 8 scores you will find the grammars are not necessarily ‘better’. They are grammars. They take bright children and push hard. They live or die on their results. That doesn’t mean they have great value add though. It doesn’t mean they are ‘better’ it means they are grammars. They often have worse funding models. They often don’t have great SEN outcomes.

Many comps have better progress 8 scores because they can pull up a mixed cohort.
Which school is ‘better’ then?

The grammars near me have excellent added value. The secondaries less good in some cases!

@TizerorFizz obviously it is school specific. Just an error to think that all grammars are ‘better’. Not the case.

I have three children two of whom are at grammar school but my eldest failed and he's done brilliantly - just finished A levels and just gone off to Uni. He was always quite lazy and it wasn't really until his GCSE---- year that he pulled his finger out and started to apply himself.

I remember being where you are now and it seemed such a disaster at the time but with hindsight I can see he would have struggled at grammar school - he was always one of the brighter ones in the local comp and that did wonders for his self-esteem and came into his own (eventually!)

Odette my DC2 didn't get to GS either, missed by a margin despite older sibling being at a GS. Went to secondary modern which had been in special measures not long before, and we were told by 'friends' that there would be no chance of them achieving much academically.

Got a good first degree and last month completed an MSc in a very academic STEM subject at a world-leading university; is currently exploring PhDs…

Furthermore, all DC2's friends are either in good jobs or doing post-graduate study.

it's not that big a deal.

nothing like the bad old days when flunking meant modern schools, doing CSE's [at best], etc.

in total, comprehensives send more kids to oxbridge than either of the other two main school types [the chart linked below is for cambridge only].

www.varsity.co.uk/images/dyn/store/700/0/33262.png

I'm an Associate Professor. I failed my 11 plus.

I would be interested in a survey to see what all the eleven plus "pass" and "fail" children are doing five or ten years after they have left school. I think the result might surprise many of the parents who, at the time the results come out, think that getting to the grammar school is the only thing that matters.
Thank goodness that many counties have done away with that system and have excellent proper Comprehensive schools

@Placido
It really depends what the non grammars are like. If it’s a county wide grammar system, they are indeed secondary moderns. But they will offer A levels and have plenty of bright DC. Some comprehensives are not as good as some of these with not a grammar in sight. It totally depends on the intake and where the school is and quality of staff. Where I live, all the grammars are outstanding. One secondary is. It selects by religion. It’s a fantastic school. Others (3 schools) 4 miles down the road are in and out of RI (or worse) all the time and their P8 is poor. They, not surprisingly, have far more lower achievers, who are much more difficult to get good progress from, far worse behaviour problems and therefore overall poorer results. The grammars have none of this. Leafy lane secondaries are great. Others might be but it’s not a given their progress 8 is as good as the grammars. Around me few match the grammars. But yes, it’s worth looking.

Back in the day of England wide 11+, when secondary moderns really were dire, a distant relative of mine failed and went on to be a professer of physics at an RG university.
More recently I know of two DC who failed 11+ in an all grammar area, went to a secondary modern rated inadequate while they were there, stay on for 6th form and get into Oxbridge and one of the top RGs. Both have recently graduated, one with a 1st and one with a 2:1.
If she's supported well by you, unless the school is utterley horrendous, she will likely be fine, though of course the disappointment will be strong right now.
If you genuinely think she would do better at a grammar, some have 12+ and 13+ exams in case places become available. I know kids who have moved into grammars and these points after 11+ fail, and done very well.

It’s such a brutal system. Testing 10/11 years olds on one day.

DS didn’t pass last year. Not far off but still was hugely stressful at the time. I spoke to the school about appealing and they quite rightly pointed out he is a child who gets a lot of confidence from being at the top of the class. And may not be suited to the pressures of grammar school.

He’s at the local secondary which, in the end most of his friends ended up at too. Was a funny year, hardly any in his school passed.

He’s flying now. Just came top in his English and science exams. No pressure, he’s gaining confidence and is very happy. He’ll be fine.

I wish they’d do away with the whole system though. All those children thinking they’ve failed and aren’t good enough!

Also one of his friends passed and his mum refused to send him to the grammar. Said he’d be more suited to the comp. And quite a few round here have moved their kids out of the grammar. They really aren’t the be all and end all...

It’s not obligatory to sit any 11 plus exam. So no failure to pass. Just select the school you like. Parents pile on stress!

My dd didn't take the 11 plus, I felt that it was too stressful for an already overly anxious child. Dd went on to pass all her GCSEs, is now in year 14 and hoping to go to uni next year.
Comprehensive pupils are taught. Grammar pupils have to "find" the answers themselves, which works for some children, but others will struggle.
I don't think my dd would have done as well academically if she had went to a grammar school.

I was in an all-through school but took an exam aged 10 to compete for a scholarship which my older sibling had got. I didn’t get it and was devastated and confused.

It put fire in my belly though! I went through secondary with a thirst to prove myself and I flew, much better than in primary. I also got super exam results.

Then when I was a grown up I realised that the things that mean most in life don’t come with a pass/fail or grades A-E. OP I hope your dd will thrive in the school she goes to, and remind her that the best journeys are often ones we didn’t expect to take.

I can tell you a different perspective.

My husband has had a successful career and it has had 0% to do with the fact that he went to Tiffin.

Yes, he’s bright (nothing out of this world though), but his hard work and the luck of finding something he really enjoyed have been the key to his success (and happiness).

My year 9 daughter passed and went to a grammar school but had a fairly horrible time. It was all too competitive and results based and she didn't make many friends and lost interest in school. We moved her to the local comp and she is loving it. She comes home every day to tell me how she's talked to someone new, or she's got a merit for this or just general gossip. This is so different from the moody withdrawn child of last year.

I wasn’t in a grammar area but my cousin, who failed 11+ and went to a comp got great grades, went to medical school, now an A&E consultant. Plus wife &kids …ie rest of life!

I’m so pleased I asked this with all the great responses posted. We’re feeling so much better and I hope others reading these in a similar position after their own 11+ results also feel more positive and back on track. Thank you x

Also, I know three people who passed the ultra-competitive Latymer 11+ (our local grammar) at different times and then actually did poorly in GCSE/A-levels. One of them barely scraped through his GSCEs to make it to A-levels, one missed her grades at A-levels and couldn't go to medical school, and one who also had very disappointing A-level results. Because apparently the school has a very hands-off attitude towards exam preparation and the kids have to be very self-reliant. Gammar school is no guarantee of good results

My three kids tried, and weren't offered places at the local grammar schools. A few years later, the one who got 4 A* at A level ended up with the lowest UCAS points in the family (different qualifications, in case anyone wonders).

Don't think of it as failing the 11+, it's helping to refine her educational path, and all the world is still open to her.

Teacher here: I taught twin boys in Year 2 at a state primary. They were very average in Year 2 but both would score the same in every test...8/10 in spelling but different ones wrong. I joked with mum that they would probably get identical grades at GCSE!

Fast forward to Year 6. Twin 1 gained a Grammar place, Twin 2 didn't and went to the local comprehensive.

7 years later I noticed in the local paper that Twin 2 (comp) had scored top A levels and had gained a place to read Physics at Oxford!!! I quickly googled Twin 1's Grammar only to find he had gained a place at Cambridge to read Medicine! So no matter where you go, the cream will rise to the top with the right love and support around them.

Thank you so much for this thread. I first saw it the other day, before my son's results were published.

I checked them this morning, and he hasn't reached the minimum qualifying score. I feel gutted for him because he tried really hard, but we have always been careful not to put pressure on him, and had the attitude that the extra work was great practice for helping his education in general, and that it didn't matter whether he went to grammar school or not. I hope he won't be too disappointed.

This thread is really helpimg me think how to frame this with him when he gets home from school.

@Odette81 I would definitely still celebrate and congratulate her for achievement (sitting the exam, going through the process). It's a daunting experience.

For a completely different perspective, DS achieved the required standard for a place, but has decided to go to the non grammar.

A parent posted very similar on Facebook and was met with lots of positive examples from people who hadn't done so well but were now GPs, lawyers and so on.