Moving school at beginning of Y10

[christinarossetti19]

First day back today, another child's bullying of my dd has continued from Y9.

Dd very upset and, based on experiences last year, sadly don't have faith in the school to actually do something about it.

Having spent the summer counselling dd to give Y10 a go, it looks like moving schools is going to be the only option.

Dd wants to move to feel safer, but there's a GCSE that she's doing that she can only do at her current school and she has friends there.

Has anyone else moved their child successfully in Y10? I feel very angry and upset she's the one who has to face the disruption, but she's agreeable that if the school aren't going to take action, we will have to.

Certainly flag it with Ofsted, what happens after that is up to them
Just to give you hope by the way DD started 6th form college last week (no 6th form at her school) and it’s like having a different child
When they are somewhere where they trust the staff to keep them safe and look out for their best interests they can absolutely fly

I'm so pleased for you and your dd Hoppinggreen - that must be such a relief.

Yes, I think I need to let Ofsted know. Dd is keen that I do to possibly prevent it happening to other children.

I think that until you have exhausted the school's formal complaints process, Ofsted won't accept your complaint.

I moved in year 10 and was much better for it. Was put into higher sets and got significantly better grades than I would have if I'd stayed out.

Yes, unless you're blocked from exhausting the school's formal complaints process as in this case - the school won't acknowledge the data that we need to make the detailed complaint that we would like to.

@christinarossetti19

Yes, unless you're blocked from exhausting the school's formal complaints process as in this case - the school won't acknowledge the data that we need to make the detailed complaint that we would like to.

Maybe you could make a complaint including that? Have you seen their complaint policy?

There may be a particular form the school like you to use, but you could submit in writing just making clear it is an formal complaint. Then it will have to be officially examined by the governors and/or academy chain.
If you don't get a good outcome from that, then Ofsted would look at it.

I am really sorry to read all of this and that your DD has been through this.

Can you confirm in writing that what you want from the school is an assessment of her ability, reassessment of her potential with a view to reversing the decision that led to her being moved down a set, quoting her previous results, the bullying that was reported and the additional bullying that has since been raised as well as the mental health impact at that time. Also quote other students with lower grades were not moved.

Also set out the importance of maintaining the delicate relationships that introvert and bullied children do manage to form and the impact of being left without her friends and in the same class as the one person in the school who has the greatest negative impact on her mental health.

Ask for written response on the actions taken and mention that if the school are unable to support your child, you will have no other option than to use this as the basis of a complaint to the governors and to Ofsted.

Can you also get to see your GP with this evidence and perhaps ask them to write a letter to support your case?

And would it be possible to get and educational psychologist to assess her ability and also write a letter, stating that she has the ability to do better but the school needs to support her in the following ways.... you might also be able to use that as evidence to support her application to the new school so she is allocated the appropriate set.

Doing this now rather than waiting until after half term is wise.. the quicker she moved the better.

I have had a totally different response from DDs school where she was also left in a core class away from her friends, she is introverted and bright and finds it difficult to make friends. Thankfully school reacted amazingly, totally differently than 3 years ago when the answer was how to give her the skills to cope rather than how to make the school experience better for her.

Good luck to you and to her. Hugs.

ChateauMargaux thanks for taking the time to write all that.

I have indeed already done pretty much exactly what you suggested, other than having her assessed by an Ed Psych and taking her to the GP.

And that was all part of the complaint to Ofsted that I submitted about an hour ago.

crazyguineapiglady there's an option on the Ofsted complaint form about whether you've been blocked from using the compaint policy, which we have.

Dh wrote to the Head and Chair of Governors on Friday.

We're waiting for a school transfer to come through. Fingers crossed asap.

Dd going into school when teachers have lied and gaslighted like they have, where she has no friends in her class and where she's doing work that she could do before she left primary is pointless.

She did some maths at home this morning and is currently sitting in her bedroom reading.

I think the approach you have taken is really positive for your daughter and I hope that it is a great move for her and she finds her tribe.

Instead of telling her she needs to toughen up, to learn how to adapt, to live with it, you have taught her that her reaction is valid, her feelings are valid and that there are other places where she can expect her needs to be met. Rather than minimising her experiencing you have acknowledged the hurt she has experienced. This is how we learn resilience, not by continuing to be exposed to the harm. She will also learn better in a better environment where she is nurtured. The world does not end if she doesn't go to school every day but her life will be very difficult if she hates going to school every day. I hope you manage to find a place where she can dance. It is rally important that we do things that we love and things that make us happy. Happiness, nurturing and feeling secure are more important than school attendance.

If you do go down the ed psych route.. be very clear that it is not to find out what is wrong with her but to document the impact of the school's failings on her education.

@christinarossetti19 how are things today? Really hoping that the second school expedite things and DD can get going on a new life and putting the old school down.

I would echo @ChateauMargaux that teaching her she is not unreasonable to feel these things and to ask for her needs to be met is positive. And I wish I'd had such wise counsel when my DD fell out of school with a massive thump in 2018.

Thanks for thinking of us IWillWashTheGreenWillow.

I was tied up this morning but am going to get onto Admissions and (hopefully) new school this afternoon.

Dd has mentally checked out of her old school (as they have her). Me too, though she does need to know that she'll be in another school very soon.

Have you considered contacting someone on the school board to get involved? You should be able to find their personal contact details somewhere so you would not have to go through the school.

Just received a phone call from the Headteacher, saying that it's disappointing that it's come to this and is there anything else that the school could do.

I said that after receiving an email saying that the school offers us their full support in a transfer, it would seem quite clear that our relationship has broken down.

If there is any way the school could help expediate a transfer, that would be great though. Apparently, 'under consideration' means that the application is with the school. I said that sounds promising as dd needs to be in a school that cares for her and she knows that if she goes to an adult with a problem they will take it seriously.

It's clear that this is the first the Head has heard about the bullying. Given the extent and the nature of it, I said that was quite shocking, which she agreed with.

She did acknowledge the SAR though and said that they'd respond.

My phone then ran out of juice, which was probably quite a good thing tbh.

Would you like us to come and give both barrels to the Head Teacher for you?

Dear HT.. You asked me today was there anything the school could do.

Please find below my detailed account of what has happened and where the school could and should have supported my daughter.

Unfortunately, the email received stating that the school supported the move left me in no doubt that the school was completely unwilling to support my daughter and that her education would continue to suffer in such an environment.

A Head that doesn’t know what’s going on in her school isn’t much use
“Disappointing “ is a bit of an understatement.
I’m sorry it’s still continuing OP

It is easy for me to write such 'strong words' from here.. when I was trying to get school to support my daughter, I was not so strong and I cried a lot. We looked at other schools, considered moving, DD was faced with the 'she needs to learn how to deal with it' answer but eventually, with little steps and reminding school that they could make things better for her, they did eventually listen. I am sorry the outcome wasn't the same for you and your DD. FWIW, anyone I know who made the drastic decision to change schools, has never looked back, anecdotal I know....

Hoppinggreen "disappointing" was a step up from her original "a few things that you're not happy about" tbh.

The fact that she didn't know illuminates how systematic the problem is. The attempts to not use the word 'bullying' so things not getting recorded/escalated means that she is now facing an utter nightmare of unpicking/buck passing/back-tracking which could have been avoided if the school had simply followed its own procedures.

ChateauMargaux that was my hope. That dd would be supported to remain in the school. She hasn't been, and they're not going to, so it's a bit late for 'how can we help?'

My detailed account of what happened fell on deaf ears at the school, but Ofsted may be more interested.

I'm having twinges of guilt about submitting a complaint to Ofsted tbh. I do think it's legitimate - there are systemic failings and failings of leadership throughout what's happened to my dd, but I feel bad about doing it knowing that she's leaving the school.

But it will be up to Ofsted as to what they do with the information that I've provided them. It's out of my hands now.

Update.

Called new school. Transfer has gone through and Admissions person is trying to coordinate meeting with HoY.

Will hopefully call me today with date/time.

I am so, so utterly relieved.

Thanks so much everyone for your kind words and support of this thread. I know it's not all over, dd still has to be new girl in Y10 making do with what options are available but I know that they'll do their best by her and that she will be safe.

Well done!
Thank God she’s got you as her Mum fighting her corner.
I am sure it won’t be plain sailing but hopefully it will be much better than what she has now
I have told my DD about your DD and she said she hoped it gets sorted as it’s awful going to a place every day where you don’t feel safe. When she gets home I will tell her the good news if you don’t mind.

Oh thank goodness, @christinarossetti19. You and DD can start looking forwards now. Sending best wishes for a smooth start.

Read through your entire thread and just want to offer my best wishes to your DD (and you) going forward.

I hope that this works out for your DD after all the stresses she’s gone through.

Hopefully this is the fresh start she needs to gain her confidence.

Good luck

Such brilliant news! Thanks for letting us know. Hopefully the start of a whole new chapter - nay book - for your and your DD. Virtual hugs x

Of course Hoppinggreen.

Received an email from Head of Maths this morning with some tasks for dd on their online maths system with deadline of 17 December (nice to know that they have high expectations of her).

Had a quick look - the hardest task flagged up on the system as something dd completed FOR REVISION in Y8. Pointed this out to HoMAths who said there were some tasks that she hadn't completed.

Indeed there were. Adding fractions with the same denominator. And the reason she hadn't completed them online was because she was working at a higher level than that before she started the school in Y7.

Although I know that dd is on her way out, I am utterly raging that the school is prepared to piss a child's education into the wind like this because she does not exist in their externally presented data.

I wouldn't have minded me pointing out that she was in the wrong set and as explanation as to why it wasn't the wrong set or 'oops, yes our mistake, we'll take another look'.

If dd didn't have a parent who speaks fluent English, and knows how to stick up for her iykwim, she'd be utterly sunk.

The Headteacher's speel about partnership working with parents yesterday was extraordinary - as though she has no idea what is happening on the ground in the school.

Just read your thread and with a DD in year 10 who I have just had to advocate hard for, I really hope your DD settles into a new more supportive school. I’ve not had to get too involved before and was surprised the initial brush off I got from the HoY and thought like you thank goodness I speak English and have a good enough education to push back on poor excuses. I’m dreading next year as my ASD youngest starts year7, that will be a whole different battle.
Good luck with moving schools and I hope your DD flourishes in the new school.

Just received phone call. Dd and I have apt. with Head of Year next Thursday so she can choose her options etc then she can start the next day.

This is very good news inasmuch that its happening, but another week of dd being home feels like a loooooooong time. She hasn't had any teaching since July, which feels scary at the beginning of Y10.

I'll try to keep dd busy with maths/reading/science/Spanish but I can't really try to get her started on her option work as she doesn't know what she's doing yet. Worried that she's getting 'behind'.

I keep thinking that in a few months time, we'll look back and this whole agonising period will have faded into something much smaller, but right now I really want it to end and for dd to get on with the next bit of her life.