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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Is another move of school crazy?

79 replies

Noangelbuthavingfun · 05/09/2021 21:22

Long story short... moved DS at start of year 6 to small private school. Anxious if it was the right decision... but he has improved and built confidence so it was a good year. The school is boys only and goes up to GCSE so he can start year 7 now. A place has just been offered to us at our first choice state secondary ... didn't think we would get in. It's larger with normal class sizes but he will see friends and its local. It's also a big risk as due to having SEN he struggles quietly and gets overlooked in class. I am sure this isn't unique for some boys .
So..
Do I move him and take a chance? Of do I keep him in small private for some splud grounding and possibly move before GCSE or even stay on ?
It would be nice to save the money but main decision is what's best for him. How important is it to have local friends and community spirit vs possible better learning support but friends spread out?
Any advice appreciated !!!

OP posts:

idontlikealdi · 05/09/2021 21:23

Sen provision is often better in state schools than private. Can you speak to the senco?

Original poster

Noangelbuthavingfun · 05/09/2021 21:51

Trying to but having no luck yet ! Will keep trying ....
The pace of learning and support has been better in private I feel but could be just the smaller classes I am not sure. Whatever the reason he does need more support

OP posts:

Christmasfairy2020 · 05/09/2021 22:39

I'd stay private. Better schools better support. Better families etc. If he has autism adhd then if you put him in private he may gravitate towards the bad kids with drugs etc

Hellocatshome · 05/09/2021 22:57

I'd stay private. Better schools better support. Better families etc. If he has autism adhd then if you put him in private he may gravitate towards the bad kids with drugs etc

Wow "better families" do you honestly believe that? You do know private schools have drug problems as well?

annaseal · 06/09/2021 05:00

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Drug is every where: in every corner and every nook of our society. Every child need to understand, face, learn and deal with it. And they will understand, face, learn and deal with it, be it from private or state schools ( including state selectives).

Norabuzz · 06/09/2021 05:08

I would stay private too. He sounds happy and settled, which for children with SEN is often very difficult. If your son is happy at this current school and you're happy, I wouldn't be changing.

lannistunut · 06/09/2021 05:14

What does he want to do? Unfortunately there is no easy way to predict which choice will work out better! But yes, local friends and a lot more disposable income are both big positives.

I am at the 'better families' comment!

KaptainKaveman · 06/09/2021 07:42

@Christmasfairy2020

I'd stay private. Better schools better support. Better families etc. If he has autism adhd then if you put him in private he may gravitate towards the bad kids with drugs etc

Congratulations on winning the 'snobbiest, snippiest post of the year' award.

SJaneS49 · 06/09/2021 08:08

While I’d definitely speak to the SEN department in the Secondary, If he is settled (and it sounds like he is) then I’d err on the side of keeping him in the Private to limit disruption to his learning . As another PP has asked, what does he himself want to do?

@Christmasfairy2020, personally growing up going to very expensive private schools, there were some absolutely appalling, totally classless parents. That’s not changed then!

Tamary97 · 06/09/2021 10:02

You moved him for a reason and he is happy at his current school; I wouldn't move him again unless you can't afford the fees any longer. I think it will be quite disruptive for him.

SoupDragon · 06/09/2021 10:06

@Christmasfairy2020

I'd stay private. Better schools better support. Better families etc. If he has autism adhd then if you put him in private he may gravitate towards the bad kids with drugs etc

😂😂 My 3 went private and even I'm cringing at "better families" and "gravitating towards the bad kids with drugs"

You have no idea!

Pissinthepottyplease · 06/09/2021 10:08

Small private schools run the risk of having fewer GCSE options and are at risk of closure. But if he is happy and settled are you sure you want to move him again? I personally wouldn’t move a child after the start of year 9 based on my experience of teaching in secondary schools.

Silkiescatz · 06/09/2021 10:09

If he is happy and progressing in private and you can afford it would stay in private and take gcses there. I have a SN in state atm and they are really struggling with funding and overwhelmed by numbers increasing in lockdown. If you can't afford it then you could change now and try for ehcp but its a slow process.

onthinice · 06/09/2021 10:11

If he is happy and you can afford the private fees then I would leave him there. I'm speaking as someone who highly advocates a good state school over paying for private education, as I believe a state school will provide a better grounding for my children. However, I'm also speaking as a mother to a child with ASC who I know would benefit so much from a much smaller class size in terms of both interactions with peers and attention from the teacher. For us, private is not an option and as she has no EHCP a specialist school is also not something we can pursue. If I could pay to make my daughters education more enjoyable and less stressful I would in a heart beat.

GherkinsOnToast · 06/09/2021 10:16

Can you leave him where he is and try for a place at the other school for Year 8?

We have a SEN daughter and she went private until yr 9 when we moved her into our first secondary, it gave her a few more years of the nurturing she needed and when she started in Yr 9 she had the advantage of being slightly ahead so any settling issues didn't take away from her academics. We spoke to the secondary from about 2 months before she started - this ensured they were up to date with her needs and had a set plan for accommodating her needs/transition. I'm not sure I'd have moved without SENCO involvement from the new school and knowing they had support in place.

Hoppinggreen · 06/09/2021 10:33

Oooh, we are a “better family”
And this is why people think those of us with DC at Private school are Dicks

PaddingtonStareBare · 06/09/2021 10:36

Is he's happy and settled, I'd stay private, especially if current school are meeting his needs.
As another poster said, it's hard to predict the future - I'm guessing your DC doesn't have an EHCP?
I have a 12yr old DD who is neurodiverse, suspected ADD too as she has a lot of the traits. I've been a PITA and the HT's worst nightmare right from Yr1 as I was constantly fighting the school to get her assessed.

Changed schools for my DD to a local village one when she was in YR3, her first primary kept batting me away as 'nothing will happen until Yr 4, she won't get an EHCP'. Soon as I moved her, (which I agonised over) her new school phoned me within 10 days over 'concerns' - Excellent, this is what I was hoping for, got the ball rolling and she had EHCP within 12 months, had to fight for that.
Having the EHCP means I cause merry fucking hell if her TA is used for other children (this happened but stopped straight away) and also ensures she had adequate support at school.
Mine is Yr8 now and is not a social kid, she struggles to make friends and doest know what to say in conversations with peers her own age, she's a summer born too.

We visited oh so many secondary schools, looked at one SEN secondary and came out a bit deflated, 90% of the students were boys and I wasn't putting my daughter in a school with that ratio of sexes. We opted in the end for a out of catchment secondary but the SEN department have been absolutely fantastic with her and she thrived in Yr7.

We looked at our local secondary as it was supposed to have a good SEN provision, I could never get hold of the SENCO, I had to be a pain in the arse to even get a meeting with her, but in the end we decided we needed the communication and peice of mind to know if I need to speak to staff I need to be able to get hold of them and it was the best decision for us, having the EHCP has given me the clout to do it though.

Sorry for the essay but if my DD didn't have the EHCP, I would have had to find the money for private school, we have a good non selective one half a mile from home which a lot of local kids seem to start with wearing the local comp uniform but it doesn't go unnoticed that within 1 year or two they are wearing the private school one. State provision is so stretched, I doubt your son would get a look in without an EHCP and even if he did the fight is bloody wearing.

bimkom · 06/09/2021 10:38

I second the what does he want? question. By that age kids often have a very good idea of which one will work best for them. Not always, but if you are torn, I reckon empowering him to make the decision makes the most sense.

ChequerBoard · 06/09/2021 10:41

If you can afford to continue with the private school and he is happy and settled there with a good friendship group then I would leave him where he is.

If you think it will be a financial struggle, he doesn't have close friends or the exam results at the private school are poor then move him but do it now so he can start year 7 with everyone else.

Original poster

Noangelbuthavingfun · 06/09/2021 19:58

Thanks everyone for your responses! This has really Helped! Sadly he doesn't have an EHCP and have been told by state primary he was at before he will never get one as there are kids that are worse... I got tired of fighting and his self esteem was suffering coming home with quotes such as 'I am the dumbest in the class and that's ok'. It broke my heart ... he has been diagnosed with ADD also.
It is a stretch for us to afford for sure and I hate that I feel pushed to go private to get the small group support he needs. I also would have wanted a balanced comp education with local friends and that's I guess what is making me sad... there is no denying he is learning better now.
I think from your responses I will keep him where he is till end year 8 and then see if we should move with a good foundation and strategies to cope. Not sure what the future holds financially so all that can change .....
I have asked him and he said state as some prior friends and going but that's all he is basing it on. Ultimately I need to look at his learning .... I appreciate the honest advice. I do wonder sometimes if we would have gotten an EHCP if we moved early on to another state.... Guess we will never know ...

OP posts:

Christmasfairy2020 · 06/09/2021 20:10

My dd goes state. I'm not snobby. I know boys with adhd tend to gravitate towards bad crowds. He's happy and settled I'd stay where he is. If I could send my kids private I would!!.

Tamary97 · 06/09/2021 20:20

You could still get an EHCP in a state secondary, but it depends of the school and how efficient the SENCO is as many state schools are already stretched and they don't wan to have more children with special needs sadly. It may take time and there are no guarantees.

It looks like it is a strech for you financially. Can you speak to other parents, teachers and SECO from the state school? to make a more informed decision.

My child is about 2 years behind in Primary, I have been questioning the school from when she started, but only now have been heard and the school is applying from an EHCP before she moves to secondary schoool. I felt ignored many times, and the answer at the beginning was: you will be surprised to find out how many kids need additional help. The UK education system is not great in my opinion for kids who need more help or have special needs.

GoWalkabout · 06/09/2021 20:25

You can't move him in year 8 imho its now or never, so if you don't know what the future is financially then sell the move to him now. I think this is the only sensible time for the move.

Original poster

Noangelbuthavingfun · 06/09/2021 21:13

@gowalkabout why not at the end if year 8 ? I thought many do this if the school isn't quite right or in and out of state ? Obviously if its going well and can be managed then we won't. Just curious to why you say now it never . Tx

OP posts:

PanelChair · 06/09/2021 22:54

You can’t assume that the place at the state school on offer now will still be available at the end of Y8. If the school is oversubscribed, and you decline the place now, it will be offered to the next on the waiting list. You may then find, if you apply in a year or two, that the school says it is full and you have to join a waiting/continuing interest list. You could appeal for a place, but there’s no guarantee that you’d win.

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