Going from private to state in YR9 - reason to be picked on?

[thesunday]

The plan is to let our son join the local inner city state school for YR9.

Now someone I spoke to mentioned that my son will 'probably be picked on because he comes from a private school'. And that we're better off letting him join the local school in YR7.

This had never occurred to me as we live in central London and everything seems transient and I assumed kids don't pay attention to this type of thing?

WWYD? Your feedback/opinions/experiences are very welcome.

What year is he now?

It’s hard to say but yr7 is the big intake for state and friendship groups will form.

I don’t know if it’s just easier to join then for that reason or he’ll slot in fine

Why is that your plan - what is the benefit you see of this? While not necessarily being picked on, being new and trying to establish yourself in existing friendship groups isn't always easy, and more relevant still is that it will be harder to get a place in the school you want and if a place is available beforehand for you, they will expect you to take it up quickly not wait until September (so if your plan is that he completes year 8 at his private school, you won't know until about July or even later where he is going next). Also, from what prep school parents say on here, the last two years are geared to prep for private senior school entrance - not sure what the benefit of that to your son would be?

I agree with others, why not move him for year 7?

Not to do with being picked on as such, but just for ease. Start of secondary school is a big melting pot and lots of new friendships form (all three of my DC rapidly moved on from their year such primary friends). Year 9 not so much, so he is more likely to struggle.

What specific benefits will accrue from stating at the private school for another two years? I would also think from a curriculum PoV it makes sense to move in yr 7 - there may be subjects offered at GCSE in the state school that he has never done at private - or ones at private that he loved in KS3 but has to drop at state for GCSE if that makes sense?

argh year six friends not year such friends!

Unless he mentions the old school by name regularly or something I doubt it will be a problem.

This is definitely a thing where we live. There are two very expensive prep schools here but not many private secondaries, so kids sometimes end up going from the preps to state secondaries. I've heard that they get badly bullied. My friend has older DCs who have confirmed this. Apparently the kids from the "less posh" preps don't get picked on though!

I would move your child in year 7. It's not just about bullying, it's about settling in. Schools don't also teach the same subjects nor use the same exam boards so it might be putting your son at an academic disadvantage

I would think long and hard about doing this. My DH went to private school and then went to state school around 11/12. He was badly bullied. He didn’t do well at the state school and didn’t pass any exams. Unfortunately for him, he got in with a bad crowd and was easily influenced. He had a good work ethic at the private school, but the state school, things were lack and he wasn’t encouraged to do the work.l am not saying that this will happen with your child. It’s all about peer pressure and having a good set of friends to lean on.

Why would they bully him? He won't be any different to them, boys are boys wherever they spent a few years at school, and I am sure he is a nice friendly person, there should be no more reason to bully him than any other child.

I don't think kids ask each other what school they went to before that often. But I am also confused as why you don't move him in yr7

Unless I really had to I wouldn't move my ds in year 9 from one state school to another as its always a little harder being the new person
Obviously appreciate there are sometimes good reasons for doing it

As well as all the issues others have highlighted about Y7 being an easier time to start, I think there are also cultural differences between state and private schools and a move from private to state can be particularly tricky. Kids will pick up on things like accents, what he call his parents, which football team he supports, or indeed if he even plays football (many private schools play rugby, rather than football as the main boys sport), clothes, brands, and classroom etiquette all differ. Plus he may struggle with the lower levels of support in a state school - private schools don't really allow kids to fail easily - teachers will hassle them if they're slack. At a state school there's a lot less frequent marking of work, and if he doesn't work hard (but isn't actually causing any problems) he'll likely be left to plod along getting middling marks. I think Y9 is probably one of the hardest ages to get used to that difference - not as keen to figure out new rules and please the teacher as in Y7, but not as independent and self motivated as maybe a sixth former is. So I'd move either at Y7, or leave till the end of Y11.

Depends on his attitude. There will be some 'joshing' about it but if he rides it out it'll be ok. Maybe he'll earn a nickname like 'Eton' or 'uptown boy' or something.

If he looks down on the other children then there will be issues. I had a friend who did this. We were friends in primary, she went to private secondary but had to come and join our comprehensive when the money ran out. She spent the first few weeks boasting about her old school (probably as a defence mechanism) and got bullied from there out. She then doubled down and was seen as even more snobby.

I'd avoid it if possible. Teenagers can be very conformist and not too accepting of difference unless it meets their criteria of acceptable weirdness.

But OP surely you realise that the majority of kids will start in yr7 so your DS will be on the back foot eve if he was coming from another state secondary. Why start him in year 9 and not year 7?

I have no idea of what recent experience of state school(s) @Firefliess has but I can honestly say their description of pupils left “to plod along” bears no relation to the state schools near me in SW London. And I’d love to hear more about the differences in “classroom etiquette”! 😂 As others have said, moving in y9 from any school to another is tough given need to break into established friendship groups. But children at state schools really aren’t all bullies waiting for their next private school victim to appear 🙄

Is there a place in the school you want inny9? There wouldn’t be where I live. Y7 is the standard entrance point.

I think the person who said your DS would be better off starting in Y7 is right. Not because of the being picked on thing but because the state system in London is set up to facilitate transferring to secondary school at Y7. Lots of schools run three year GCSE courses too i.e. Y9-Y11 so a child joining in Y9 may miss the opportunity to choose the subjects they want to do and may have to whatever there is space for. There may also be issues with not being able to access triple science or particular languages because of lack of prior experience/different curriculum.

Whilst I'm aware that many independent schools for boys go through to the end of Y8, it's not a natural transfer point for the state schools so your DS's final term in his prep school won't be spent getting excited about the senior school he's going to, having visit days etc. but wondering which school he'll be allocated a place at in the July (because it's usually expected that casual admissions will start within a couple of weeks of being offered a place, it won't be possible to apply months ahead of time and for the place to be kept for September).

Either move him to a state school for the start of Y7 or keep him in the independent sector until the end of Y11 when he could more easily transfer to a state setting.

I think the days when you could easily pick out a child at a fee paying school from a state school when they are out of uniform are gone - when they are in their own clothes they all look the same. They pick up on the same fashions on social media, they do the same Tik Tok dances, follow the same influencers, wear the same (dodgy 1990's) too tight trousers (boys) and have the same haircuts.
Yes, there will be a big difference between someone who is in the poshest set at Eton and the most underprivileged group at a big urban comp. But the middle class kids are overwhelming the same wherever they go to school. Many children start in prep and go to state, others do the other way round, and sixth form and uni mixes it all up again. I have a few teens myself and they have a ton of friends, some they went to primary school with and they went on to fee paying, others went off to grammars, they have cousins in fee paying school and they are 'friends' with a whole host of people they haven't even met on social media from other schools.
These teens are very different to us at that age, but they are very similar to each other.
Besides, as you must know from the recent broadsheet coverage, there is a fair amount of racism, bullying and sexual harassment in fee paying schools, so you have to be fairly hardy to survive in those too.
Please don't imagine comps to be full of bullies waiting to pounce on someone just because they spent a few years in a slightly different school, you couldn't be further from the truth. All schools (very much including fee paying) have a bully set and children have to be savvy about spotting them and mangaging how they deal with them (confront them, ignore them or follow the adage keep your friends close, your enemies closer.) These are good life lessons!

Have a read of 'Some Kids I Taught and What they Taught Me' - a beautiful and heart warmingly reassuring read about the intelligent and special children you can find in schools that accept everyone.

Why do you want to do this? Also I would do year 7 as well. Two of mine above that year group had to pick their GCSE courses mid year 8 and DS had to make a slight alteration to his as there was not enough space in one of his subjects-so starting in year 9 might prove tricky for choice

Whilst moving schools at year 9 is normal for independent schools it isnt for state. Are you sure you'll get a place? At my local comp you've got very little chance of getting in unless you join at year 7. Lists work on a distance criteria too so you could be pushed down the wait list if someone who lives closer wants a place.

I would not move a child at year 9 to state unless I really had to, too much risk.

Agree I would do year 7 too - a good comp will have a broad curriculum for year 7 and 8 and joining in year 9 might mean they miss out on a particular language etc.
But in terms of being different to state school children I would worry - they don’t talk about what they call their parents, they talk about music and influencers and football players and politics (yes fee paying children like football, not all of them love rugby, my DH was at the biggest loving football school Eton! Conversely my daughter has a ton of rugby playing friends at her comp - boy and girls)

Wouldn’t worry

The kids I remember who moved at this age did get some ‘joshing’ as someone said. But they never really made good friends and truly settled. I’d move at year 7. Also some schools near me start the options a lot sooner so he’ll be on the back foot starting in year 9.

Nowfeeltheneedtopost
One of my friends moved from state to private and was sanctioned because she called the teacher "Miss". She thought "Miss" and "Sir" were standard polite greetings, and that's the case everywhere I've worked and been a student, but apparently it was considered rude. They noticed a difference moving from state to private.

I also recognise what some posters are saying about middle students who don't make a fuss being left to get on with things. I saw it as a pupil and have seen it as a teacher too, until Year 11 and someone senior decides a set cohort need to make more than expected progress and then the Y11 teachers have months to undo several years of coasting.

There's lots of great things about some state schools, but sometimes they get romanticised on here when the debate is private/state.

For the benefit of settling in I'd suggest the OP moves her son in Y7. There's a lot more support for that transition, the students are new together and it avoids issues linked to her DC potentially going straight into a 3 year KS4.