Yr9 girl refusing school - what happens?

[BananaBreakfast]

My dd is in year 9 at a wonderful secondary school. She has always found noise and crowds difficult. She loved lockdown learning, which the school managed brilliantly.
Before they went back last week, she asked to stay at home. She became depressed and listless. I persuaded her to go in. Got a phonecall to collect her as she was physically ill with anxiety.
I have told her she can stay home until Easter - it took her over 48 hours to recover - but I am dreading talking to school. They are so good, I just want a magic wand to make it okay for DD to stay there.
DD has asked to study at home, I gently explained this is not on the cards. We have the best possible homelearning setup imaginable, but I would prefer her to be at school.
Please tell me if you had similar experience how it went. Success stories at getting teenager with sensory processing issues back in the mainstream would be great.

Ok I’m going to tell you our story, it’s not what you may want to hear but hopefully is a positive story with an alternative solution if you end up needing one

DD is noise and movement phobic, this came on at puberty and she was diagnosed with severe misophonia and misokinesia

Her condition was so extreme that return to her outstanding state school became impossible

They wouldn’t help her or us some school do but this one chose not to, I mention this now as some schools will act as caretaker for students like ours

We forced the issue applying for an EHCP and in the mean time removed DD from the state school and enrolled her in an Internet school which is where she still is 6 years later

For our DD this was the turning point in her education, it’s not an advert for the school but I can honestly say they took my broken by the system child and made her whole again

They’ve been supportive of her conditions of which she now has many sadly, have allowed whatever exemptions she has needed at the time be that microphone, homework etc

DD is now in 6th Form, her opportunities from the school have been fantastic, she’s been council member twice, is an ambassador for her subject and speaks to all the lower school and education board about her subject

During lockdown she’s had specific work experience twice with fantastic links to her field of work (she already earns money from this)

The teachers really do value the students who are all around the world and this has broadened DD’s look on life

When we placed her at Interhigh we really took a leap of faith but she was a round peg in a square hole and this is a setting that she fitted

sometimes as parents it’s damn hard and scary to admit that our child needs something different, hopefully you can reintegrate your DD but if you can’t there are other routes and hopefully our story will show that these can be successful too

@Tomnooktoldmeto thank you, glad to hear that there can be some good outcomes from alternative provision.

Banana. I try and signpost alternatives because when our children become desperate nobody in education will tell you how to achieve a different type of Education

Knowledge not only is power, it also gives you back control which is important in making the right choices

When we were in that dark place no one was there to give us perspective or information, we were just fortunate to have heard about the school when I was looking at options

If DD is unable to attend school due to her poor MH the LA have a statutory duty to provide education. This could be online, home tutoring, hospital school or at a centre/unit.

I second applying for an EHCP.

Thank you @10brokengreenbottles that's useful as it confirms what I thought I knew.

If anyone has kept their SPD child in full-time mainstream school I would love to hear about it.

I had a conference with school and they created a colour coded timetable for dd, where she can choose to go to a lesson if she feels able, or can work separately in a study room. She has a pass which allows her to get up and go for a walk or go to a safe space. She has a self soothe box at school for when she feels distressed and she’s been allowed to drop two subjects completely. The staff brought her a hot chocolate on Friday. It’s made things more tolerable for her. She doesn’t go to form at all now, she likes to start the day alone in a quiet area and so they’ve arranged this for her too. Dd is year 10 with suspected ASD.

CAMHS, who are also involved due to dd’s poor mental health have also suggested we apply for an EHCP.

I’ve never heard of Interschool so I just googled it. It has very mixed reviews!
uk.trustpilot.com/review/www.interhigh.co.uk

My Dc1 began school refusing around this point late y9 early 10. School were initially supportive as we navigated pcahms, cahms etc and offered reduced timetables.

As soon as we got close to a diagnosis they started threatening fines and prosecution, so we had no choice but to remove and home educate.

Thankfully there was an alternative provision at a local college, who accepted her and she was able to get her maths and English there.

She was finally diagnosed with ASD at 17. Plus anxiety and depression. She now is 20, has a great job, is doing brilliantly.

Sorry thats probably not what you want to hear, the outcome for DD was good in spite of her mainstream school. And I totally understand the wanting to wave a wand, I did too, but unless the school will make adjustments (ours would only short term) it's tricky.

@WhoisRebecca

CAMHS, who are also involved due to dd’s poor mental health have also suggested we apply for an EHCP.

Senco here. What really annoys me about CAMHS is that they always tell parents that school can apply for an EHCP, which of course they can, but CAMHS can also apply for one themselves. Its not called an Education and Health Care plan for nothing.

What happens next is your daughter needs CBT. She’s clearly suffering with anxiety. Her mental health should come first, and explain this to the school.

I believe that more schools, particularly secondary, are going to have to look at creative ways of supporting those students who have been so affected by the past year that they can no longer manage going into school. Where these students have worked well at home during this time, it is good evidence that the student isn’t just refusing to be educated, but that they cannot cope with physically being on the premises.
To a certain extent, schools have their hands tied by the system; student doesn’t attend, parents get fined. No alternative. This needs to change. However, teachers cannot be expected to teach face to face and online in the same way - its impossible to sustain. I also dont think parents should have to pay a business to tutor their child online as an alternative. Once a student is off rolled as their parents decide to home tutor them, they come to a point of no return. Schools could be more creative and work collaboratively with other schools to provide some type of online teaching for certain students, with maybe one school providing English, another Maths etc.
We’ve been through extraordinary times, we need extraordinary solutions. For our children’s sake.

Parents can also apply for an EHCP.

In my experience schools aren't great at supporting children with SPD and anxiety. In fact they often make things worse. There's a massive lack of training and experience amongst school staff, and they are usually reluctant to get outside advice as it costs them.

We got a tutor when DD couldn't attend school, but had to put in a complaint to LA to get this. DD is now in an independent specialist school.

I have a year 10 son refusing to attend a new school. It's incredibly stressful. No diagnosis for anything however he really did change at puberty but unsure if it's anything specific?

Also looking at alternative options

Banana whatever you do don't deregister. It is easier to get support when on a school roll - bluntly, you are someone's problem. If DD isn't well enough for school then the LA are required to provide education, and can be forced to do so via Judicial Review if it isn't forthcoming, but don't let anyone talk you into deregistering.

WhoisRebecca it does sound like DD needs an EHCP. You can apply yourself, IPSEA have a model letter you can use.

Soon Interhigh are one of the largest providers of online schooling, although as you say reviews are mixed. Parents seem to either love it or loathe it. BTW the "and" is between health and care, not education and health.

Why would you prefer her to attend school if it makes her so unhappy? Genuine question and I think reflecting on the answer objectively will be helpful.

Soontobe60 I can only speak for my child with multiple mental health and sensory processing issues and that’s what I do

School sencos made our problems far worse and refused to help so I don’t particularly find them the best folk to listen to

All I can say is that compared with our outstanding top 100 school, Interhigh have enabled her access to education and supported all her sensory requests enabling her to achieve excellent exam results

Ultimately my answer was to ensure the original poster knows her child has options as our senco at least was aware of none and not prepared to help us even apply for an EHCP

@ArosAdraDrosDolig great question. Because two children I am close to were offrolled by the school and the consequences were awful.

Dd crashed out of mainstream school, she has autism and SPD and the usual co morbids. She already had an EHCP but even with that support it wasn't enough. LA provided a tutor who taught her at home whilst we had new assessments made and waited for Tribunal. She now attends an independent specialist school and is thriving. She has been in school full time throughout lockdown, school has been open to all pupils and so it's been business as usual there which has given dd a sense of normality. The fight was hard but it wasn't right for dd to be taught at home without peers so for us there wasn't really any other option.

To a certain extent, schools have their hands tied by the system; student doesn’t attend, parents get fined. No alternative

This is bollocks too. If your child has mental health problems and can't attend school, you can report them as unwell and they can be marked on the register as sick. We weren't fined for all the months DD was off, but we did provide medical evidence.

Ah ok I see. That’s understandable that you would be cautious. I wonder what the consequences were and how you could prevent them if she can’t cope in school?

My dd actually ran away from the school gates on Monday because she felt like she was being suffocated. I will look into an EHCP for her - I am not hopeful that she’ll get one though.

We weren't fined either, I contacted EWO myself after informing school I would no longer be trying to get dd to attend even part time. They weren't interested, dd had EHCP, EWO in our LA only deal with prosecutions and LA policy states no prosecution of parents of children with EHCP.

WhoisRebecca, I was told by my Ds's old school he would never get an EHCP. They were not happy when we did a parental application and did everything in their power to stop it going forward and told the LA that Ds's needs were being met.

The LA send panel agreed to issue an EHCP for Ds at the end of last year, so his school were completely wrong.

I think you need to try to find out exactly what your dd is worried about. Then go and tell the school and ask them to come up with a plan to address these specific worries. So if DD doesn't like the noise, maybe she could wear ear defenders. If the playground is overwhelming, can she go somewhere quiet in break time. If she's worried about the work, what extra support can be put in place. Etc. On the whole, avoidance tends to make anxiety worse. It's probably better to see if you can work with the school collaboratively to see if you can find a way to support your dd.