Getting rejected from schools

[cantstopstressing]

As is the case for many others, we are expecting to hear back from two schools tomorrow and one next week. I am not that hopeful mainly due to sheer number of applicants. I am wondering what to tell DS if he gets rejected. I don't want to kill his confidence as he is a bright boy and worked so hard. Any advice on what to say?

[quote XelaM]@Pkaboo I so agree with your tutor point! People usually talk about tutors as if they are magicians, but in my experience what tutors do is explain a concept (usually in a very complicated manner) and give tonnes of homework for the kids to do past 11+ papers or sheets similar to Bond books. I got rid of tutors pretty early on, as my daughter didn't have time to do all their homework and past exam papers/Bond books anyone can do themselves without paying huge money for the privilege. I didn't see the value in the highly recommended North London tutors. It's all a bit of "emperor's new clothes".[/quote]
How come there wasn't time to do any work? Did school give homework? My DD had 10 words a week for spelling. That was it. So there was no problem fitting in anything from a tutor and have a normal life. And didn't your DCgo to a prep school? If I paid for school, I wouldn't expect to have to do any work to catch up on the curriculum. And surely, a prep school is more money spent than a tutor for someone at a state primary?

@PresentingPercy I had the impression that the state schools on offer were perfectly okay, just not good enough for OP's child.

I don't get the whole aversion towards state schools.

OP, you're railing against the unfairness of the system, yet you have opted out of the system by choosing to enter your child for selective schools, pay a tutor, and ultimately pay school fees.

State schools in London have had far more money thrown at then over the last twenty years than those in the rest of the country- try living in IoW, Stoke-on-Trent, Mablethorpe, or Blackpool and then see the true unfairness in the system.

Your son achieved a place at a school you applied for- congratulate him, and help him prepare for transition.

I too have paid fees because the local schools did not provide what would suit my children, but I certainly did not rant about it. I consider myself fortunate that I was in a position to do so. You have the means to pay, the ability to get a good well-paying job- you have choices. Millions do not.

@ineverstopbeingsurprised This was in the beginning if year 5 and before lockdown. My daughter's prep gave HUGE amounts of homework every day. They have always been homework-heavy. It was like torture for her having to do the tutors' mass of homework on top of that and she had to regularly do it on the fly between things. I only got the tutors in the beginning of year 5 because (a) my daughter is no genius academically; (b) apparently that's what most people in North London and at her prep do/did; and (c) I come from a very different education system and this was my very first experience of the 11+. We cancelled the tutors in early February 2020 though, so that put an end it to it. I don't think there is any magical formula that tutors can teach and parents/school/WHSmith can't.

It is worth emailing the wait-listed school now to let them know that it is your first choice school and should they be able to offer you a place at anytime you would accept immediately and pay the deposit.

@northlondondad1976 did op say which secondary schools she'd applied to?

We have two local comps which are rated good and one which is rated outstanding. On paper the good ones both have around 45% grade 5 and above and attainment 8 score of around 45 too. By comparison the outstanding school is around the 60% mark in both, while the selective grammar is closer to 70. So I can see that just looking at the stats would make you think you may not want your child going to one of the "good" ones.
However having talked to lots of local parents with children at all schools, I haven't heard of a bad experience at either of the good schools, while the outstanding one seems to have quite a few issues with pastoral care and unhappy children. So I can understand why a "good" school may not have the academic results that op is after, if all you're doing is looking at the headlines.
Also this year has been a nightmare as none of us have had a chance to look around schools and "get a feel" for which one suits your child best.

@Musmerian

I taught in the London independent sector for some years before moving out of London. It’s a pressure cooker and the combination of anxious pushy parents and inter school competition makes it an unhealthy environment in my view. It’s very easy to get bogged down in it and see it as the be all and end all but your boy sounds like he will do well wherever he goes.

This!

@XelaM - well done again for making it a win-win situation for your DD and your family.