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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

How to approach school about Dc

14 replies

Rollmopsrule · 02/12/2020 07:37

I have a Dc in year 8. Basically to keep things short they are so capable but seems to be going under the radar and coasting. Im really concerned they're not being challenged but in a stretched class of 33 I can understand why those that seem to be plodding on and don't cause trouble are left to it. Dc is also the youngest child in the class.

The change since secondary is unbelievable. From being so motivated they're just resigned to coast and tells me just not particularly bright which is not true at all. Does anyone have any experience or advice how I approach school about this? The next parents evening isn't until March.

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jessstan1 · 02/12/2020 07:50

You start by talking about one child and then it sounds as you have more than one in this position.

If you are absolutely sure your child or children is/are not being stretched and is capable of more, find another school that you think will suit him or her. However, I would first have a word with the class teacher who will be able to give you more information and help you reach a decision.

Your child says he or she is not particularly bright but you disagree - I think the message is actually, "I'm just ordinary", which in itself is no bad thing. Later on in school children become particularly interested in a couple of things and surge ahead in that, not every one is a great all rounder. You don't say what type of school it is but if it is a highly academic school, even an average child will be quite bright and achieve something.

There's nothing to stop you doing interesting and educational things at home, many children benefit greatly from that especially in an area that captures their imagination.

By the way, 33 is not a huge size for a class, I would say it is average.

Good luck.

TeenPlusTwenties · 02/12/2020 08:06

I'd pick a couple of subjects that you are most concerned about where he could easily be stretched more (e.g. Maths & French).
Email the teachers something like:
'Thank you for teaching X this term, I know conditions must be very difficult for all teachers. I wondered if you could let me know how X gets on in class? I am concerned that in general across subjects he seems to be going under the radar and coasting - I really feel he is more capable than he is showing himself to be, especially in . I'd really appreciate it if you could either set my mind at rest that he is working hard, or suggest some ways we can get him to push himself a bit more. With many thanks ...'

BefuddledPerson · 02/12/2020 08:08

Explain to the head of year and see what they say. If school pick it up and sort it you may only need one conversation?

Greektome · 02/12/2020 08:09

This is a common problem I think. You may have to focus on stretching your child at home. Eg through an extra-curricular hobby.

Original poster

Rollmopsrule · 02/12/2020 08:54

Thankyou so much for the replies I really appreciate it.
TeenPlusTwenties I think that email is a great way of flagging up my concerns and hopefully prompt the teacher's to have a closer look. All through primary we were told how bright he is particularly in maths where he was described as brilliant and he was sent off to all those extra challenge days. In secondary it all seems to have slipped and I would say he's not really seen as particularly bright or given any extra work at all. I totally understand that secondary is a different ball game and he has to work hard but its the resignation I find worrying. He's quite shy and quiet and would find it difficult to ask a teacher if he was struggling I think. We do support at home although I admit I have been letting him get on with it this last few months and not checking work. The thing is he has always excelled at sport / work. He used to be one of those kids that things seem to come easy to but believe me im not a pushy parent and he's not at all over confident, probably the opposite. Its crept up on us really as the last parents evening was at the beginning of Yr 7 so I didnt realise until he mentioned a few things to me. His happiness is the most important thing to me at the end of the day. Yesterday he told me he just can't concentrate and finds everything so boring . I'll email the school today.

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BefuddledPerson · 02/12/2020 08:58

Yesterday he told me he just can't concentrate and finds everything so boring

Assuming you are in the UK state system I would say this year is much more boring than normal! We have been supplementing a fair bit at home with practical things they can't currently do in school - cooking, textiles, science experiments etc.

I would be wary of doing too much extra book work just now.

TeenPlusTwenties · 02/12/2020 09:00

How is his general mental health?

He's quite shy and quiet and would find it difficult to ask a teacher if he was struggling I think. We do support at home although I admit I have been letting him get on with it this last few months and not checking work.

I'd start then with having a look at his exercise books if they can come home, or at least his homework.

Original poster

Rollmopsrule · 02/12/2020 09:14

BefuddledPerson your right these aren't normal times and its impacted everyone in some way. We do some baking which he always enjoys so I'll look at more practical things we can do at home.

TeenPlusTwenties he does struggle at times. He's very self critical and lacks confidence particularly with friendships at times. I've read up loads and supported as much as I can. He talks to me alot about how he's feeling so at least he isn't keeping it to himself. I will definitely be keeping a closer eye on things from now on.

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Original poster

Rollmopsrule · 02/12/2020 09:16

Science experiments is a great idea. Science is something he has flagged up he's really struggling with so doing the more fun elements with him may spark an interest.

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crazycrofter · 02/12/2020 10:14

I would say in my (limited) experience, years 8 and 9 are the coasting years! And I think that’s ok as long as they’re not struggling, because both mine seem to have upped their game from year 10. If he thinks he’s struggling with Science, for example, I would ask his teacher whether that’s the case. Ds has always felt he struggled in English and I was really grateful to his teacher in year 8 or 9 parents evening for telling him that he was good at it, he could do it! Clearly it’s not his best subject, but it really helped him to hear that she didn’t think he was struggling.

It sounds like your ds actually may need to focus on building friendships and confidence. How you do that in current circumstances is another matter, but usually I would encourage interaction with peers through meet ups etc. Online gaming can also really help. What does he enjoy doing and does he interact with friends outside of school?

Original poster

Rollmopsrule · 02/12/2020 11:15

Thanks for your reply crazycrofter. I've got an older DD that is a completely different kettle of fish to Ds. Its good to have your perspective and reminded education is long haul and things can change as he matures.

He does struggle fitting in with the crowd really. Doesn't feel comfortable with the general bravado that sometimes comes along with 13 year old boys. Thankfully he does have a couple of friends he's had for years that he's comfortable with and loves online gaming a bit too much! Its interesting but as I said before he's really sporty and has genuine athletic ability but in the teams he's in he doesn't really fit in or make close friends. He tells me he goes to play the sport and doesn't care but I think that he does really.

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crazycrofter · 02/12/2020 12:26

Aw, it's so hard being a teenager @Rollmopsrule. It sounds like there's a few things going on, but the underlying theme is maybe a general lack of confidence, socially and academically? I think for many kids, this just comes with time? But as has been suggested, I would definitely tackle one subject first and ask the teacher how he's doing. If she/he is positive, that might boost his confidence and if they think he's struggling, they might give some suggestions. Is he having all lessons in his form group?

Socially, I'm not sure what else you can do really, other than support and encourage him to branch out/meet new people when/ he can.

BefuddledPerson · 03/12/2020 06:02

Almost anything creative, or skill-building, or engaging - like the baking - will help with mood, confidence and thinking skills.

Mediumred · 04/12/2020 01:59

I get this, I have a y8 DD who might be similar, pretty bright but not seeming to be pushed, but if your boy was described as ‘brilliant’ at primary then he does seem to have lost his mojo somewhat, that is a good email suggestion from @TeenPlusTwenties, pls include the maths teacher. I feel so much for the amazing teachers, they are really putting themselves at risk by even going into school, and our school has so many off isolating and they are trying to catch every up from the long pre-summer school lockdown, it is so hard for teachers that we can’t expect miracles but at least we might put it on their radar if we really feel someone is not reaching their potential.

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