Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Did you let your child pick which school they wanted?

57 replies

FifteenFluffyBunnies · 27/09/2020 17:50

Who choose your child’s secondary school preferences? You or your child?
My child doesn’t want to go to the school I think would give him the best options for the future (School A). He very much wants to go to a different school which is good but doesn’t get as good results and doesn’t have the same range of academic subjects available (School B). He really wants to go to this particular school because it has a cadet force he is very interested in (and has always wanted a career in this area). It’s also a much smaller school. But it’s 10 miles away and we would need to move house to get him on the bus route.

However, we would also need to move house to get into School A, as we are about a mile outside the area you need to be to get a place, although we wouldn’t need to move as far and the move would put me nearer to work (but the house would be smaller as more expensive). Our nearest school is not an option. It’s results are shockingly bad.

Not sure which option would be best and whether I should just go with the school my son thinks he would prefer, after all he is the one that has to go to the school.

I remember my parents wouldn’t let me go to the school I wanted. They over ruled and forced me to attend a school I didn’t want to go to. Although as an adult I can see why they made that choice and perhaps they were right.

OP posts:
bigchris · 27/09/2020 17:52

Move house ?

A career he's always wanted ? How old is he ?

I'd let him decide

gubbbbbddaaaa · 27/09/2020 17:53

Yes 100%

bigchris · 27/09/2020 17:54

What I mean is he must be young if you are moving house before applying for secondary school

RedskyAtnight · 27/09/2020 17:56

I'd enrol him in cadets that are separate from school (well, when he's old enough) and make the decision without that in the equation. Though, if you're talking about having to move first, your child is presumably still 2 years off secondary school age (9 if you're in England) so I wouldn't put a huge amount of weight behind "the career he's always wanted".

I let my DC choose the school they wanted, but they only got to choose between schools I was happy with.

TheRIDs · 27/09/2020 17:59

Not a chance.

I’m a laidback parent, but this is one issue my DC knew that me and their dad - although interested in their opinions - had the final say.

An 11 yr old cannot make this sort of decision.

Original poster
FifteenFluffyBunnies · 27/09/2020 17:59

Well yeah, realistically we need to move house as the only school he currently has a chance of getting into is inadequate with less than 10% of pupils passing maths and English GCSE. The children have already moved house 7 times so it doesn’t really phase them.

He’s 11, currently in Year 6. For as long as he has been able to talk he has always wanted the same career, and this school has several Cadet forces. This seems to be his main reason for wanting to go to this particular school. That and it only has 600 pupils.

OP posts:
legalseagull · 27/09/2020 18:01

I'd want their opinion but myself and DH would have the final say.

Original poster
FifteenFluffyBunnies · 27/09/2020 18:03

Yes, we wouldn’t have long to move as obviously the deadline is end of October. I’ve been trying to move nearer to the school I like for months now unsuccessfully. We rent, which makes it easier and there are houses available they are just much smaller than we are used to.

We wouldn’t have to move for the other school until next year as we would get into that school without moving as it’s a rural location so always undersubscribed.

OP posts:
doctorhamster · 27/09/2020 18:04

No. School choice should very much be parents decision when it comes down to it.

Firefliess · 27/09/2020 18:09

DD was quite mature at 10 and very much involved in the decision over which secondary she went to. That hasn't stopped her now aged 17, saying to me that it wasn't her choice and she was far too young to know what she was doing! (She wanted to go to the independent school where DSC went. It was a great school for her, until she decided that private schools were morally wrong and full of snobs Grin)

I would always involve a 10/11 year old in the decision, but reserve the right as parents to decide what's in their best interests (and yours as a family if school fees, house moves or difficult transport are at stake)

emptyshelvesagain · 27/09/2020 18:11

He’s 11, currently in Year 6. For as long as he has been able to talk he has always wanted the same career, and this school has several Cadet forces. This seems to be his main reason for wanting to go to this particular school. That and it only has 600 pupils.

He wants a career from it so it seems absolutely perfect for him.

SpeedofaSloth · 27/09/2020 18:12

No, the decision is for the parents to make. DC must be consulted and their views taken into account but in the end the responsibility is too much for a child of 10 or 11.

elfycat · 27/09/2020 18:15

No.

DD1 going to an outstanding high school, out-of-catchment meaning I have to drive her 20 minutes to get there (no buses). It's the school with the highest progress-8 (well above average) in my county. She was the only one to go there from her primary in this year.

She wanted to go to a school with someone she knew, her best friends are at the catchment school for the small town we live in. This catchment high school's progress-8 score dropped from average to under-average this year. Speaking to parents with children already there I've heard that bullying isn't being dealt with well at the moment.

DD got no say in it. I did discuss my reasoning with her, and I empathised with her friendship situation. Luckily she's always been good at getting along with people and has a couple of friends (they seem to have bonded over cats) now. She also meets her old friends after school about twice a week, though that might drop off with the weather and Covid situation.

Bravefarts · 27/09/2020 18:15

Secondary requires them to organise themselves and be motivated, so, yes. Make them aware of the pros and cons, but I'd put heavy weight on their choice. They're not going to enjoy/engage with school if they really don't want to be there.

RedCatBlueCat · 27/09/2020 18:21

We refused to let him view one.
Went to see 3 which we stood a chance of getting into. Talked him into putting out least preferred into 3rd choice, and let him choose the order of the other 2 (both of which would have been suitable).
We put a 4th choice of a suitable, but not likely to get in just to fill the box, but since 3 is always undersubscribed, and we were well within last offered distance for the other 2 in previous years, were weren't too bothered.

bigchris · 27/09/2020 18:24

I agree with emptyshelvesagain

Knowing what you want to do in life cannot be underestimated

Fruitloopcowabunga · 27/09/2020 18:39

Both mine wanted to go to the same school as their friends. We chose another school for them and haven't regretted it for a second. They've both actually made better friends and when I asked at the end of Year 7 what they thought now, they both agreed they wouldn't want to swap now. Many of my friends chose the school we rejected and are happy with it, but I never felt it was right for mine.

NotDonna · 27/09/2020 23:05

Yes for all 3 of mine BUT their choices did align with mine, so very easy for me to say that!!

Malmontar · 27/09/2020 23:15

Nope. Sorry but they're way too young. Look for a cadet force in your area and join that way. No cadet force will help him if his grades aren't good. Things change and it's not great to put all your eggs into one basket.
DD hated me for sending her to a school she knew no one in but she's in Y8 now and loves it. She knew no one but I knew it was the school that was best for her.
It sounds like none will be an option if you don't move in the next couple of weeks though.

PettsWoodParadise · 28/09/2020 09:46

Partly. We had a list of schools that we’d be happy for DD to go to. None involved moving though. She was able to put them in her order of preference. My top choice was different from DD’s but I was still happy for her to put her favourite top. She was mature and coos reason well. In the end she did get first choice. It has meant she is loyal to her school and dedicated and has absolutely been the right path to go down.

LocalLockdowner · 28/09/2020 09:50

No. It's called parenting. An 11yo no matter how intelligent dies not have the life experiences and foresight needed to make a balanced decision.

Cadets can be attended away from school. It just might mean you need to ferry him there on an evenibg and weekends.

Lulu1919 · 28/09/2020 09:54

My daughter went to Air Cadets twice a week from age 13
It was two evenings
Would a school give this much cadet time ?

Our choice was Grammar or not
Neither daughter wanted to go to the single sex grammar ..our other option was a huge but very popular good school and they went there. ....if the other option to the grammar had been a 'bad' school maybe we'd have fought them on their choice ...they were 12 when they had to apply .

cingolimama · 28/09/2020 10:14

No ultimately it should be the parent's decision, but with input from DC.

AlpineSnow · 28/09/2020 11:51

I did but only because I live in an area with 3 schools that dd would have had a good chance of getting into that i considered to be good schools. She chose one of those. Our nearest school i didn't consider to be good enough for various reasons. None of her friends went there, so she wasn't desperate to go there anyway.

SJaneS48 · 28/09/2020 12:37

Reading this through my first though is the house move if he’s Year 6. It sounds like something you will have to do but it’s nearly October - are you going to be able to accomplish getting out of your contract & into a new rental in catchment area by the time you need to put in your application? Sounds rather stressful OP!

And no, we made the call not DD. Like PPs have said, it’s about the bigger picture not where their mates are going. DD goes to a different school to her ex Primary friends but they see each other out of school and at Scouts. Now Year 8, they’re all starting to go their separate ways anyway.

Swipe left for the next trending thread