What's life like when your kids go to private school?

[redjumper]

My 3 children are only young at the moment, at a state primary school. I'm just thinking about the future, we are thinking about private schooling from year 7 in York.

Some of the things on my mind are how they'll manage with the long school day - 8.30 to 5.30 with a 45 minute commute too, plus school on Saturday. Will they be away from home too long?
But on the other hand, the long holidays as it looks like they are basically off school for 4 months in the year. What do they do with themselves all that time?

It's hard to picture what life will be like, especially as they are only young at the moment so very reliant on me still. I guess I'm worried that the separation will be hard for us both but then maybe I've not got a realistic view of life with teenagers anyway. Any thoughts would be really helpful, thank you.

DS(15) has a similar day and commute, although they usually finish at 5.00 and an hour earlier on Friday. Doesn't have school on Saturday unless picked for a sports team and that isn't too often luckily.

It can be quite tiring with homework on top, but he has coped. Has a couple of activities on top of that. Y11 coming up so assuming will be even more work so will have to review whether can fit in activities too.

No Saturday school here, they leave at 8.20 and get back about 4 unless they are walking home with friends.
Not much different than people with dc at State school really but us living very close to the school helps

You are way overthinking this. Many secondaries, independent and state, run those sort of hours if you take activities into account and a 45 minute commute is not unusual. Saturday school is a personal preference, not all run it and many just have matches rather than lessons. It is more common in boarding schools than just day pupils. Maybe you need to check out other options if it is too much for you. To juggle 3 dc you may need school buses or after school clubs to manage different pick ups while they at different schools.

Thanks for replying. I was going to ask about homework too. The long day is to include activity clubs from 4.30pm. For those with long days are they expected to do home work in the evening too?
Do teenagers go out to play with friends after school these days? Sorry for the random questions, I don't have any friends with older children, and don't really know anyone who uses private school.

Mine went to 3 different private schools over their education as we have moved a lot.
All 3 we went for had a more "normal" school day than yours and no Saturday unless in a sports team, drama group, etc but they have friends who went to schools like you have described and all were very happy there. Don't forget that children who finish school at 3.30 or whenever often have after school activities which yours will do at school .
The long holidays were an absolute boon, we could get away each year when the prices were not at full peak and we loved the extra time off

Yes DS gets homework every night and at weekends. He sometimes gets homework for the next day, which I know my state school teacher friends are quite shocked by. DS's long school day include an activity hour after lessons apart from on Friday. He can use one of those activity sessions a week for homework, but they do encourage them to do other activities.

They also give them homework in the holidays too.

Saturday school Is tough and it’s definitely something you should think about. Mine have Saturday school from 8-3 (y6) and 8-4(y9). It means that we don’t have family weekends in term time. Both my DC are sporty so they do hockey on Sunday mornings, so weekend lie ins are rare. It can be tough to see family. The DC are usually totally exhausted by the end of term.
Schools that have Saturday school tend to crack down on absence, so you are unlikely to be granted permission to miss school for a family birthday or to watch a football match.

If they are involved in things like music, sport or drama their days will be long once they get to Year 7. My DC are musical and they would often have music lessons, practices, choir rehearsals before and after school as well as during the day so starting at 8am and finishing around 5:30pm. They just took it as normal as most of their friends had similar schedules but it is tiring for the kids and for the parents too. Turning out on a Sunday evening for choir and band rehearsals in the middle of winter was a particular activity I was pleased to see the back of when they left school.

Make sure you check up about homework.
My DC had 3 pieces of homework every evening including Friday evenings. Saturday school was a pain. It was proper school (maths, geography, Latin etc) starting at 8.30. Sometimes homework was set on a Saturday too.

Saturday school really messed up weekends as we couldn’t stay out late on Fridays or go away apart from exeat weekends.

My DC finds school tiring and just didn’t have enough time to recharge before the next week started.

The school holidays are long and they happily just chill (homework rare days in holidays).

Pluses of the long days were that they did loads of extra curricular in those long days so I wasn’t worried about doing sport or music outside school (which would have been difficult).

The food was really excellent. Access to supportive teachers was great. Facilities and materials in art and DT excellent.

There was some excellent, inspiring teaching. Some ok and some awful. Same as lots of schools

DS has Saturday school and relatively but not crazily long school days (finishes 4.30 but has clubs a couple of days a week). The pattern of life reminds me of my memories of university actually - intense terms and long lazy holidays. Generally kids don't seem to 'play' after school, as there's homework to do too, plus quite a lot aren't massively local (perhaps those who live walking distance from the school socialise more). For us that's probably the same as if we'd gone state though, as we're at least a 15 minute drive from any secondaries. I would think quite carefully about the holidays. Summer and Easter in particular are long, and if you both work and are going to have to cover the holidays (or have a preteen at home alone for weeks) then that could be a consideration.

My DCs schools don't have Saturday school. Their day is not particularly different to their friends at state schools and nor is homework. Some state schools have loads , some not. Same as private. There really isn't that much difference apart from longer school holiday. Even with that, one of my DCs has longer holidays than the other.

@redjumper

My 3 children are only young at the moment, at a state primary school. I'm just thinking about the future, we are thinking about private schooling from year 7 in York.

Some of the things on my mind are how they'll manage with the long school day - 8.30 to 5.30 with a 45 minute commute too, plus school on Saturday. Will they be away from home too long?
But on the other hand, the long holidays as it looks like they are basically off school for 4 months in the year. What do they do with themselves all that time?

It's hard to picture what life will be like, especially as they are only young at the moment so very reliant on me still. I guess I'm worried that the separation will be hard for us both but then maybe I've not got a realistic view of life with teenagers anyway. Any thoughts would be really helpful, thank you.

time - they manage perfectly off time - well, it's up to you to make them do something. It's a nightmare for working mums, but doable saturday - well, they say that team matches are mandatory, but if you have somewhere to go and can give them a week or 2 notice, it's fine. And they usually collect the kids from school, so you don't have to drive them around.

Private or non-private schools mostly differ in the price of the uniform, longer holidays and more opportunities. And in the last one lies the big appeal.

The social aspect is subjective - I didn't have the time to mingle too much so wasn't bothered by the "are you coming to the milano opera this year, darling?" sentences (not joking) :)

There's a lot of driving them around to be done as their friends will live over a wide geographical area. And you need to be at home, or be ready to provide childcare somehow, over 16 weeks of holiday as compared to state schools' 13.

At the state secondary mine left home on the minibus at 6:54 for a long journey before an 8:00 am start. They were usually collected about 4:30, after clubs then had homework. They went out again for activities some evenings.

At boarding sixth form they started at 8:30 and went through until around 10pm with activities, prep and meal times. They found the early start and long journey to state harder.

I still did an amount of running around as they still forgot essential items. The difference was it was further. Dropping to friends was over a wider geographical area, but usually they’d be collected direct from school on Saturday afternoon and be dropped back on Sunday.

There was work to be done during the holidays.

Uniform for sixth form (suits) was comparable to buying non uniform clothes that were fashionable enough without being trashy. Sports uniform costs applied to both state and independent.

The food was better in the independent school and surprisingly, there was more parental involvement.

OP - by the time your dc are ready for secondary school, you will probably feel differently. You will be used to running them around to after school activities and supervising the doing of school work.
Moving up to secondary is a big move for any dc, whether a state or private school. Homework increases, dc become more independent, activities may increase, new friendships form…

You may find the school you're looking at at the moment won't suit your dc, and a school without Saturday lessons is a better fit.

Your dc will be more independent by age 11 and can cycle/bus to and from places by themselves.

There is likely to be little free time after school days, but the holidays are fab! Really loads of time to kick back, relax and have fun.

And by the time they become teenagers - well, you might find yourself looking into boarding schools !! (only joking!)

My DDs didn’t/don’t go to private schools as an initial disclaimer but answering as hopefully some of my experience as a parent is relevant! DD goes to Performing Arts school with multiple after school activities and a 50 minute bus ride. She’s up at 6am gets in between 5-6pm and homework is pretty much daily. She has coped with all this but do factor in tiredness - she’s been very hormonal over the last year which on top of her schedule does by a Friday make for more moodyness! The intake of the Privste School is likely I would imagine to be quite qeographically dispersed so as for after school meet ups on school days, there just might not be any of their school friends local enough to pop round. My DD who will be going into Year 8 meets up with her old Primary friends at weekends and holidays but like her they too are doing longish journeys into Grammars with lots of homework so weekday get together a other than a quick Costa get together are out.

All together their weekday life is very different to the kids going to the local State who gather together after school & hang out.
I still think we made the right decision but longer hours & a commute are a commitment & I think you need your DC to really actively want to go to a particular school with this knock on for it not to be a bit of a struggle!

You might want to think about your DCs hobbies / sports. We’ve found that the long days and Saturday school are fine for DC who want to do the sports offered by the school, but if your DC want to do dance or drama it’s a problem because the clubs tend to run on a Saturday. My DS would love to do football but his school doesn’t do it as a major sport, and all the local clubs train on a Saturday.

Many of the independents are moving away from Saturday school other than sports fixtures nowadays.

Expect them to be more involved with school life- longer hours, higher expectations. Expect to be invited to some lavish houses & be ready for reasons to the questions...Why has X got a pool, tennis court, horses etc.

a few years ago at prep school my ds's class did a show and tell thing where a couple a kids each week bought something in. This escalated quickly until kids were bringing in Polo ponies, golf buggies, and Ferraris. (my son took our dog in!)

I don’t know Of any private schools with Saturday school. The last one got rid of it about 8 years ago. None finishes later than 4.15 with an 8.30 start

My kids state secondary is 8.30-4. They get home at 5. It’s fine

Our school has Saturday school (lessons, not just sport). Finishes at 4.30 on a weekday, though the school down the road finishes at 6pm. They have Saturday school too. Saturday school is not a big deal (for us, anyway).

Not trying to argue with another but their comment reminded me of another Saturday school peeve (for us anyway) which was having one child with Saturday school and others without which made the whole thing worse.
It might not be so bad if the others are getting up for sport but dragging one child out of bed while the rest of the house is sleeping was tough for us.

Mine doesn't have Saturday school, or stay regularly for clubs and activities (the ones she does are at lunchtimes). She has managed to carry on with her main out of school sport (swimming x5 a week) and does get pretty tired with that plus homework. Her weekdays consist of school, home by 4.30, swimming and/or homework then downtime in front of the TV, not much time for socialising but she's happy like that and swimming provides a social outlet. Whereas the local state secondary finishes at 2.30 and a lot of the pupils do hang out in town for the afternoon. None of her friends have swimming pools, tennis courts, huge houses etc. Some have horses but so do some of those we know at state school.

No problem with you disagreeing with me cankles, it's definitely true that different families experience things differently. I've got a friend who decided against DS's school purely because of the Saturdays, as they go away a lot for weekends and hated the thought of Saturday school.

For us, having one with Saturday school and the other (still primary age) without is lovely. DS goes off to school perfectly happily on Saturday mornings (he's never minded it), DH works, and I get to spend some quality time with DS2 doing sporty stuff or a bike ride or whatever. Of course, if DS2 goes to the same school as DS1 then I am also very much looking forward to Saturday mornings all to myself .