School says my son must cut his hair or be excluded

[alexis52]

I have 2 children 1boy aged11 1 girl aged 14. They both go to that same school but recently they have a new head master who changed some of the uniform policy's. to begin with they were good changes like skirts can't be shorter than the knee and ties had to come down to the stomach but then he changed the hair policies. This did not effect my daughter because she fell into all the categories but it did effect my son. His hair is about an inch or so past his shoulder, the head said that boys hair must not come over The colour and I got an email telling me to cut his hair. I have refused to cut his hair and long hair doesn't effect his work because he ties it up for certain classes like PE and cookery and doesn't play with it. The school have now threatened that if I don't cut his hair soon he will be excluded .

As for the rules around that, they can be very limited. I see that Camden School, for instance, simply says that "Students at the school may wear what they wish, but are expected to dress appropriately for an educational environment. Students should not dress in a manner likely to offend public decency, or wear clothing which prevents or interferes with identification through recognition of the whole face for security and safeguarding purposes or communication and learning." Sounds eminently sensible to me.
It sounds sensible to me too.

The problem is there are sadly people who aren't sensible and lack common sense.

These are the people who see "no trainers" in the uniform, buy trainers, then get annoyed and go to the local press when the school says trainers aren't shoes.
Or the school uniform says natural makeup and no nail varnish, their child goes in with a full orange fake tan, full face of makeup, highlighter like a disco ball, fake nails, and then complains when school sanction for uniform infringement.

Many school rules end up having to be made to cater for either the idiots of the world or the people who seem to think even the most basic rules don't apply to the..

So whilst you and I would probably see that reasonable school policy and dress our DC accordingly, I guarantee you that others would send their children to school in inappropriate attire and then spend hours up in school arguing "it says appropriate... It doesn't say you can't wear..." because there are people who do this over a child wearing thin leggings instead of school trousers because 'technically they are treggings and your policy only says no leggings".

I taught in quite a few primary schools and the most sensible uniform policy I encountered was a policy of uniform tops (polo shirt and sweatshirt) and whatever you liked on the bottom half. This allowed for some individual preference and adjustments for the season, but kept an overall uniform look.

I also taught in a school with no uniform and even at Reception/Year 1 it was very easy for me (even as a non parent at the time with no experience of buying children’s clothing) to see that the girls of wealthy/professional families were wearing lovely bits of Boden/Joules or boutique clothing and others from poorer backgrounds were wearing cheap/thin leggings and teeshirts. The boys’ clothing was all far more similar. I don’t think the children noticed but I imagine that parents certainly did. Even at that young age clothing choices and budget were a clear social marker that a uniform would have avoided.

Not wearing uniform every day is also completely different to one ‘mufti’ day as families’ budgets and choices become far more apparent when it is every day rather than a one-off event.

The number of posters saying to “just cut it” is seriously depressing. If girls were told their hair had to be collar length or shorter, I bet parents would be kicking off. The rule needs to be the same for both sexes.

PurpleDaisies
I agree that the rules should be the same for both sexes. I'd also be making a point of formally complaining to the school about their discriminatory rules.

Would I put my child in a position where they have a fixed term exclusion on their records? No. Which is why it's not a hill I would die on, would probably take the couple of inches off it to avoid DC being excluded and then take the fight formally through complaints.

I'm not the uniform police but I just cannot see that the benefits of no uniform outweigh the benefits of uniform. Can someone explain how it makes life easier/ better for children or parents??

To me, choosing clothing for a child is just another job in the morning- one that uniform removes the hassle of. Why do parents want that?? Then as children get older there's pressure to have certain brands, etc, so they fit in and that becomes costly. There's plenty of time for children to express their individuality at weekends/ after school/ school holidays, if that is what the concern is?

In a previous life, I worked for Lloyds Bank and had to wear a uniform. It was designed and provided by them and, although it could in no way have been described as fashionable (by ANYONE'S standards) I loved it. I didn't have to flaff in the mornings choosing an outfit or worry that I was wearing the same thing as last week. Or use my own everyday clothes for work (which I feel somehow taints them and then I don't see them as 'nice clothes' anymore Maybe that's just me...)

I also see that there needs to be rules for hair, based on hygiene/ safety- but agree that these should be the same regardless of sex.

Apart from the cost of uniform (but some of this is offset by the fact ordinary clothing would need to be replaced more regularly if worn all day everyday at school), I really cannot see why it is such a major issue for some? I really, really can't.

The school can set the rules but they must be communicated. Exclusion for not cutting hair is a grey area. If they keep on excluding, when does not cutting hair become a serious breach of discipline? These are the only grounds for a longer term exclusion. So you can call their bluff but is it worth it? You can ask for a change of policy and go through the complaints procedure. I feel the Govs will back the head though.

I’ve attached a comment from lawyers for you to read.

The school doesn't insist on having his hair tied up all the time and it's the same for my daughter they just have it up because I tell them to. my son doesn't refuse to tie it up he will gladly wear his hair in a ponytail and so will my daughter and that's my issue even though he has his hair up which isn't even a rule and they still want him to have is cut

As PPs have said, it’s ridiculous sexist nonsense. Tell the school he identifies as non binary so they can’t apply the rules for boys to him. You could also just argue the sex discrimination point but it the current political climate the first approach may be more quickly effective.

Nooooo if he wants it long then don't cut it !! It's insanely sexist. I wouldn't cut it ! Stand your ground OP

radox11
Dp also worked for a large multinational in the city and he definitely thought he was very old fashioned going into work in a suit.

I hated it when dc went to school. The stress of finding that one particular jumper, skirt, shirt, trousers, blazer, tie etc each evening I am sure took years off my life.
Having to iron stuff each evening because it had got crumpled in the wardrobe.

I breathed a sigh of relief when they left school and didn’t have to deal with uniforms ever again,

Now they are in work Dd gets asked to wear certain clothing but it is more wear a lbd, there isn’t a particular lbd she has to wear.
She doesn’t have to go to a certain shop and buy a particular over priced lbd that she will never ever wear again outside of work and if she doesn’t turn up in that particular outfit then she is fired.

Ds either wears work gear for one job he does or gets asked to come in a certain colour clothing.
There is flexibility.

No way would I cut his hair. Why is it ok for girls to have long hair but not the boys? But I'd make sure it was tied back everyday, as per the girls' rules, so they didn't have that stick to beat me with.

If he's willing to tie it up, only for various activities with chemicals, Bunsen burners and sports, I can't see why it has to be cut as per a uniform rule.

I only say for safety reasons and if a Sikh boy has long hair, it is always tied up and put in a turban. That's religion though - your boy should be allowed to wear it as any girl does. Like I said, this is do last century.

I only mention cutting in once to avoid an exclusion in the short term. I quite agree with anyone saying not to cut it at all.

Can someone explain how it makes life easier/ better for children or parents

Having experienced uniform and no uniform at primary and secondary, for me these would include:
Avoiding the mountain of cheap polyester produced in sweatshops.
Being able to dress a child appropriately for the weather, in thin 100% cotton, or fleece etc
Not having to buy enough naff polo / sweatshirts to avoid working mother late night washing and drying to ensure enough clean during the week
Young people being able to wear clothes that actually suit their body type and are comfortable. Most school grey trousers are awful on, fir example, bigger girls. Kids being forced to wear yellow, or maroon or green or some colour that makes them look exhumed.
Not panicking because a tie has been lost after mid week after school sports
Children learning to be sensible about clothes. We live in S London where the schools cover a huge range of wealth. The kids know some are rich and some are poor and because they live with diversity they don’t use flash clothes to put down others.
Again: they get to know that you choose clothes for your day: school clothes are ‘ordinary’, not party dresses or brand label stuff.
All my DC’s friends who went trough a non-uniform primary think that buying brands is pathetic.
Not having to negotiate the minutiae if ties, top buttons, sock colour, (WHY is this morally worthwhile for young people, or a good use of teachers’ time?)
Building community on the basis of trust, respect, tolerance and understanding. Not wearing matching clothes. If it depends on enforcing that, how valuable is it?

I have to wear uniform for work, but I can’t be told how long to wear my hair

On days off I can wear what I like and have my hair how I like, along with nail polish etc

I wouldn’t be happy with a new boss starting and telling me I had to have a hair cut 💇‍♂️

We are paid to work, we have a contract.

Why does being in education mean that young people can be told what clothes to wear and how their hair should be? Behind health and safety? Good luck with that at University

Why are girls allowed long hair but not boys?

Its sexual discrimination. If its tied back, there shouldn't be a problem!

Discrimination pure and simple

If he has dyspraxia then the school must surely be breaking disability laws by trying to force him to have his hair cut. What would happen if a boy with ASD had long hair because he couldn't cope with the sensory issues of having his hair cut? Would his parents be forced to hold him down while his hair was cut? I would speak to someone who is clued up on disability law.

Sexism. Dont tell him to follow se ist rules unless youd be telling your daughter to follow sexist nonsensensical rules.
And those on here saying follow the rules have benefitted from critical thinkers and people.wil ling to challenge injustice. So dont be a sheep... support your son and.diaghter to understand sexism and yo feel able to challeng e it.
They wont none able to defend seism in court.

Schools are legally able to set uniform and hair rules. How they apply them and what sanctions are reasonable is the question.

You can try and challenge this but what if they don’t budge? How far are you prepared to take it? How long do you want him out of school? Is there another school he could go to? It’s all very well challenging this but it could stop him being educated for weeks. Will he be let back in after a short exclusion? What happens if he still has long hair after the exclusion? This may well be an illegal long term exclusion in the end but you are going to expend a lot of energy fighting it. Never mind the cost of him losing teaching time and having to be looked after. I think you need to think very carefully about possible outcomes from continuing with long hair. Life isn’t fair! Changing schools could be the easy answer.

Can the op afford to take the school to court? There is nothing illegal about uniform/hair rules at school. It’s not work. You might not like it but it’s not illegal. The question is proportionality of the punishment.

No way should he be getting his hair cut. Follow other uniform rules of course but this is sex discrimination.

FrankieManca

This

If we want our children to respect us and others, we start by respecting them and not imposing stupid nonsensical rules on them.

Following school rules now does not preclude being a free or critical thinker. He has his whole life to do so.

But some of these battles around uniform, discipline or other aspects of a school life are a huge waste of time for pupils, parents and teachers alike. Time that could be better spent focusing on education.