My daughter starts secondary school

[jadey0885]

Hi
I just wanted some feedback on anyone who has a child in secondary school.
My daughter is in her last year of primary school and going to year 7 in September. Myself and her dad are really nervous as we know that in this day and age children have no manners etc. Since my daughter has been in year 6 she has had a lot of racism by another student and people calling her out for having spots. I'm very worried that she will endure some 'haters' when she goes to secondary school. I'm an dreading this because as a mother you will do anything for your children.

Any ideas:suggestions.
I would be very greatful

I have three children and all of them found year six difficult- girls especially can be really bitchy.
Personally I found secondary school clamp down on bullying really quickly compared to primary school and I know other parents have found this too.
If your DD is having issues don’t be afraid to raise it with the school - they want your child to settle and be happy.

Keep her head up.
Is it a big school? My Ds's has 8 year 7 classes ... there's banter definitely. Been a couple of more serious incidents I've heard about.
I do tell my son to keep his wits about him. He seems to be enjoying it and I do feel they've been quite looked after. Being allowed to go to lunch 10 mins before the whole school for instance.
I'm sure I don't know the half that goes on though!

My ds is also going to Y7 - thankfully local kids seem pretty reasonable and have accepted his being a bit odd with being autistic.
I did find it helped when he was younger to explicitly teach him some comebacks, like "what do you know, anyway?" or "who made you the fashion police?". For secondary I'm trying to get him to smile and talk to people and hope for the best.

If nothing else, they will have 6 different lessons a day with a range of different kids, so with luck any obnoxious ones won't be around most of the time.

My dd suffers from severe anxiety and she's finding year 7 a whole lot easier than year 6. Last year was tough for her, they're aware they're about to have this huge change which they have no control over but a couple of weeks into the new school and DD1 felt far happier. As others have said, she isn't stuck with the same kids day in day out, there's a constant change of classmates, a change of teacher and a change of rooms and that has really helped her. I was very worried about her going up to secondary and so far it's been much better than I anticipated.

sucha my sons school does the same, the yr 7s are allowed to lunch 10 mins early (not sure how long that’s going to last though). Makes a huge difference and shows they are trying to make things as easier for the yr7s.

DD1 is in Year 9. One of her BFFs is of Asian descent and another is gay...if anything the secondary school is more inclusive and accepting than her primary. (DD1 is a geek and happy in her own skin doesn't want to be one of the popular girls as they are in her words boring).

It's a bit of a generalisation to say kids have no manners. Most of the young people I know are lovely and my children's schools have been v good. Good role modelling of acceptable behaviour.

Where do you live?

I think Year 6 is worse than Year 7. It's easier to hide in a bigger school.

of course this is school and individual dependent but my DC have never suffered from name calling of the type you describe. I disagree with your assertion that "children have no manners" - most the children my DC know are very well mannered.

I also agree that year 7 is easier than year 6
Lots of new friends to make and new clubs to attend. My DD attended lots of clubs so that she met like minded kids and did not spend lunchtime gossiping etc. She also had experienced racism and I had a word with the head of transition who made teachers aware and also did not place her in the same class. This helped DD as she knew that she would not necessarily see the bully every day. If you are worried talk to the school so that they can be prepared and try to put things in place to avoid bad situations. DD very happy and made loads of new 'well mannered ' friends. Good luck

Myself and her dad are really nervous as we know that in this day and age children have no manners etc

Well, change the world one step at a time and teach your own DD some, then. Or do you mean, other people's DC have no manners?

As glittercandle suggested upthread, if you know that DC with whom your DD has had problems will be going to the same secondary school as her, you should make the new school aware of this.

Thanks for all the replies.
However I live in london(Walthamstow) and the things that happen around this area isn't great. We have a lot of gang violence, etc. My daughter has been brought up with manners, I'm not talking about my daughter. I'm speaking about other people's children. The problems that my daughters faces is a lot of racisms. One boy called her a bush monkey. When she came home and asked me what it was I was gobsmacked. Being in a inter racial relationship and having dual heritage children it's hard for me a mother to explain to my child that it's racism. I'm just worried that my daughter will face a lot of hate, and bitchy ness.

Do you know of anyone from a similar family who has children already in secondary school - maybe they have older siblings of your DDs classmates ? They might be able to give you the benefit of their experience, which could either be reassurance or some guidance on how to discuss this with your child.

To be honest there was one school I was going to send my child to but had to change because a child repeatedly said to my god daughter that he was going to do things that I will not mention on here. I'm just hoping that my daughter gets accepted into one of the choosen schools we put down. I am the older sibling out of my family and my daughter is the oldest grand daughter so it's difficult to ask anyone. However like I mentioned above my friends daughter doesn't like year 7

You can't base your school choice on one child. That's just one child. Sadly, there is likely to be a similar child in any school you pick.

The thing to look for is not that racism/unpleasantness doesn't exist in the school you choose but how the school deals with it when/if it happens. You should also talk to your daughter about how she would deal with name calling/racism at school (racist remarks being treated differently to ones about her having spots).

Your daughter must have friends with older siblings at local schools? Can you talk to their parents about their experiences?

Make sure that you report each and every incidence of racism to the school. Every. Single. Time. And empower your daughter to tell you about it, and let her know that you will report it every time because otherwise, it will continue (my dd suffered religious abuse at primary school).

Then when you know the school your dd will be attending, speak to that school. Find out how they deal with things. Most secondary schools are large enough so that she may not even have to see much of the kids from her primary again.

@madnessitellyou
Thank you Hun, I will make sure the school is aware. My daughter knows about racism as myself and her dad have sat her down numerous times

Good luck

It sounds as if it is an area issue maybe more than a secondary school issue. I have found secondary school much better than primary school. They are not with the same teacher all the time. If there is a teacher they don't like they have them maximum 4 hours a week, rather than 5 hours a day, likewise with classmates, different teachers have different seating plans so they are not with the same child all day. Also there are lots of clubs and opportunities to meet like minded people. The schools also are more likely to hand out detentions and deal with breaking school rules. I would be proactive in reporting any incidents and encourage your dd to also report immediately.

My DS and DD both found year 6 hardest, with kids suddenly jostling for position/ status by putting others down/ excluding them. In a 2 class year it’s harder to move between groups of friends. Year 7 was 7 classes for DS, 6 for DD, and they’re with different children in form, different subjects, after school groups etc so loads more potential to meet different people and have wider and more varied friendship groups. DS had some bullying initially from people he’d been in y6 with, but really he rarely sees them and has a solid friendship group, plus a couple of other groups he meets up with and chats to. Dd went to secondary with no one from her primary and has done really well (about 18 “best friends” plus around 20+ others she hangs out with at school)
Both of them are white, but DS has seen occasional racism at his school, which he and others reported and teachers seem to clamp down on.
DD’s school doesn’t seem to have that sort of problem, but it’s more inner city and has a much higher percentage of BAME and immigrants. It’s also a lovely inclusive school with a caring ethos. If you pick the right school, secondary is nothing to fear.

I'm sad to read about the racism your family experienced, OP.

When you write "no manners" I assume people like me aren't good enough for you. I don't know if that's what you wanted me to understand you meant.

@TW2013 to be honest I wouldn't say it's a area thing. People can take this however they want but I think it's the parents. It's what the children experience around them.

@lljkk..
What I have posted has nothing to do with no adults etc. What I have wrote is purely down to children that I feel have no manners. I'm not saying that they haven't been brought up with manners. They could be the most lovely caring cashier when they are around there family members etc but when they are with "friends" they are completely different.

@Howmanysleepsnow
Yes I totally understand that. My daughter loves y6 but is worried about secondary. She has a really tight group of "BFF's" that are from different backgrounds. They all stick up for one another.

I share your worries. My DC has anxiety and suspected undiagnosed autism. They already have few friends at school and get bullied or excluded by most kids so secondary school really alarms me. I am somewhat reassured by reading the experiences on this post

@Scootingthebreeze
Yes I feel that people should be told that things go on. I prefer to share my experiences and hear from other people. Although I no I'm not alone in things like this I like to hear everyone else's views..

I wish you all the best.. I just hope that our children will be excepted for who that are