How to approach bursary issue after child already has place

[WayneJohn]

Hello I'm wondering how to approach this issue?

Basically I earned a very good income from around 2006 or so and sent DS (who is in U6th) and then DD (now Y8) to private school.

For whatever reason everything was in cash so there is no property or whatever that could be sold now that STBXW & I are divorcing.

Anyway, the decree nisi drops in a couple of days and after that the financial agreement can be made. The issue is, well, there is in effect no money left, ok some tens of thousands of pounds but it's essentially an irrelevance given that the cost of DD's remaining education (Y9-Y13) would be ~£100k (she is currently at a prep school and has a place at a different school next year), and that stbx earns minimum wage more-or-less, and has no prospect of even affording her home counties rent and other basic living expenses without government help, let alone being able to make a contribution to private school fees.

As far as my contribution goes, tbh I should have left my wife about 8 or 9 years ago, but only really found a way out after moving to Asia, where I have been resident for 3 years now, and where my income is quite negligible in UK terms due to lower cost of living.

So anyway this is a slightly rambling introduction but as far as I can tell there is not necessarily anything specifically in the divorce paperwork about educational arrangements, but as stbxw is to be on Universal Credit at some point in the future (i.e. after her capital is below £16k) then it seems like we would have to consider that the current school year is the last of paying school fees, which is fine in respect of DS as he is going to university, but not so much for DD as she is 5 years younger.

My question really is how and when to approach the school about this? I feel that DD would be an asset to the school but they perhaps do not know this as they do not know her! She did not do particularly well when she applied to the school, as her grandmother had died the previous night so was quite upset.

What kind of things would they ask for and expect to give out a full bursary (or nearly so, if my parents could make some contribution)?

OP I think a lot of the advice you've got here is genuine. You sound very angry with your ex and you probably have good reason. You also paint your ex as a fairly useless mother - not bothered about the kids, can barely communicate to sort out schooling etc. If that is the case I think people's concerns about you not being around are genuine
Exactly.

No job for 10 years, disappeared to the other side of the world leaving the children with someone he paints as a bad mother who is financially irresponsible. It's fairly reasonable to question those decisions, and the financial arrangements are relevant to applying for a bursary.

Sadly, it didn't take long for the apologists to turn up though excusing a man disappearing to the other side of the world where he's not providing properly for his children and won't see them.

Ultimately, OP has to take their chances on a bursary and hope for the best or start looking at state education options as soon as possible.

Not read the whole thread but you should see if your DS's school has a hardship bursary you can apply for as he is in his final crucial year.

*IceCreamFace

Of course being in the same continent as your kids is hugely important even if not in the same household, especially since you claim their mum doesn't spend time with them! How can you leave your kid for most of the year with a non English speaker who doesn't bother with spending time with her?! You don't need 60k a year, get a lower paid job and send your child to State school and spend time with her.*

This exactly.

Your poor daughter. Obviously you have issues, but I think you need to pull yourself together and be a much more day to day part of your daughters life. Which school she goes to- not a biggie. Not having a stable, loving parent to rely upon day to day? That’s the issue. Look up attachment (and attachment and trauma).

If you think the last decade have had an effect on your mental health, are you not worried about your daughter having been affected by all the upheaval too and about going through adolescence with a mother who you say is such an uncaring parent (from the other side of the world..)?

@Chapellass op has funds for this year so ds place not an issue.

LIZS I could be wrong but I think Chapellass means that OP uses the funds he saved for DS to pay for DD first year or something, and ask for a bursary for DS instead, since he is already an established student on his last year.
But my guess is that would work if DS has really good results.

OP how has his results been so far?

OP I can only say what everyone has already said. You have to speak to the school.
The best way would be for you to make the application on behalf of your ex. But remember, some schools will insist that both parents apply. With your low salary this should not be much of an issue. However, your DS 16K lying around may raise questions of why you are more committed to DS school than you are at this new DD school.

Could the HM from her current prep write to explain that she has a scholarship at her prep currently, but may not have performed to those standard during entrance exams because of the family circumstances.

Did DD get accepted at any other schools ? Bigger, older schools with foundations may be more helpful.

Yes, @Mummy195 has joined the dots, that is what I meant.