Is 14 yr old mature enough to choose own work experience?

[mashedpotatoes]

Hello everyone,

When it came to finding work experience in year 10, which of you let your child choose which places to contact, and which of you sorted it out yourselves?

My daughter's school has told the students that they should write their own CV and covering letter and they should find the experience themselves.

What's bothering me is that I don't know if there's an unsaid rule that in fact the parents should take the initiative and use their common sense to find something suitable for their child, or if it really is down to the child to find something.

Also, do you think their choice of work experience will impact their future career?
I've managed to bring it up in conversations with people I know and I've heard things like:

• a friend found her daughter some work experience in the legal department of her company and now her daughter works in law
• another friend found her daughter experience in the speech department of the hospital where she worked and then her daughter worked as a medical secretary and then as a speech and language therapist
• as for me, I did my work experience at the local newspaper and at a radio station and I've since worked in music publishing and now as a private English tutor. My school organised my experience for me.

I can't help thinking that if I'd done my work experience somewhere else, I would have a different (better!) career now.

My daughter wants to contact music shops and sound recording studios. She plays the drums, she's into rock - she wishes she'd been alive in the 90's because of Nirvana, Red Hot Chili Peppers etc, etc..) I can't help thinking that this could be the start of an unstable low-paid career, even if it's fun and enjoyable. I've always encouraged her drums and the groups she plays in. I just always thought the music would be just for fun, not an actual career. She is often top of her class, she's bright, and she deserves to have a stable career and a good life. I think we all hope this for our kids.

This whole subject has been stressing me out for weeks and I would really appreciate other mums' opinions on this.

I've been considering saying that she can contact the music shops/recording studios if I can also contact some places on her behalf (communications dept in a local bank, solicitors, graphic designer, courts, human resources) and she could have two shorter work experience placements. She doesn't even know that these kinds of jobs exist!
Basically, should I just keep quiet, or get involved? At the age of 14, is she mature enough to make this decision?

Sorry this is so long. I've had several weeks of worrying and arguments and really want to sort this out!

The point of this work experience exercise is for the children to choose what they want and apply, it is excellent experience for them learning to apply themselves and stand on their own two feet, it’s not about their long term future careers, people change them in their 50s. You need to let her get on with it.

allthegoodusernames - thanks. It's a good point about it being experience for them to stand on their own two feet, rather than being about their future careers. That's true. But it depresses me when children of people with high-flying jobs choose the same career field as their parents because it's familiar, or due to contacts.

I think at this point it's more about 'an' experience of the workplace, any workplace rather than having to be connected to what the young person might want to so in the future. So many just do not know at this age.
My dd worked in a nursery last year for a week. This is not what she wants to do in the future - she is interested in something like sports therapy but this type of work experience wasn't available to her at her age. However she learnt things like how to get to a new place every day, interactions with adults she had not met before including contacting them before arrival etc. She found it was a useful experience even though unconnected to her longer term plans.

Surely they should do it themselves, but with your help.

So:

• you talk them through what to cover on a cv. they draft it. You help them improve it.
• you chat with them about their aspirations / skills and if they don't have a fixed idea, you guide them through options
• you chat re what to write in emails, and they write and send them

Surely it is positively good practice to get feedback on your CV?

I did work experience in a primary school. Also did 6 months experience in a primary school as an 18year old at University.
I have never set foot in a primary school since (apart from to drop off my DC).
I also don't work in education or with children

It's two weeks, the people you know probably had more of a helping hand to get into their chosen field than their initial two weeks work placement Mummy/Daddy organised.

If they have an interest and want some help then help, that doesn't have to mean doing it for them.

You sound really anxious about it, OP.

I was left to sort out my own work experience. I didn't really know where to start and ended up doing a week at a well-known fashion retailer. It was hell on earth and very strongly motivated me to never, ever work in a shop again.

I think if she organises something and has her heart set on it, then the upset that would be caused by telling her she's not allowed would not be worth it.

Do you really think it was the two weeks' WE that made the difference to the careers of the people you reference in your OP? Sounds to me more like those people may have been responding more to a couple of decades of (not so) subtle parental expectations.

My son recently had to find his own work experience placement. It was really hard getting ANY local company to give him a placement. Of over 200 children in his year only 80 could find a company willing to take them on. Many companies claimed there were Health and Safety issues, others said it just wasn't worth taking someone on for 2 weeks. She may struggle finding a placement.

I think it's less the work experience that makes the career, but more the social setting which can contribute to finding the work experience and later a job.
I did my work experience in an old people's home and now work as a tech consultant - no connection. Age 14 is old enough to make her own decision and I really don't think her career will necessarily go down that path.

Also - she's more likely to get something out of doing work experience that she wants to do, and I could imagine that a 14-year old in a music shop/ sound recording studio could actually do real work, whereas at a solicitor's or graphic designer's she may well just end up shadowing people or at best doing some made-up jobs (maybe that's just what my hearsay experience has been!)

I sorted my own work experience at that age. I wanted to be a journalist and contacted all of the London based magazines. I did this myself.
I managed to get a week placement which I loved!

I then had a second week to fill and the school helped me with that - ended up helping out at a nursery.

I ended up working as a journalist. It was low paid but I did it for 6 years before deciding for myself that I wanted a better paid career and I moved into PR.

I would advise that you support your DD in finding something she is interested in. She will be so much more engaged if she gets something that she is interested in.

Most schools do work experience in year 10, a few do tin year 11. Several do additional WE in sixth form. At each stage pupils are, in my experience, meant to organise themselves but also encouraged to get support from parents and/or school staff too.

DD did hers a year later in y11 but she researched all of her possible places, wrote a detailed and informative letter, emailed them off, responded to replies, organised the dates, arranged an interview, etc. I supported her with her letter by proof reading it and making additional suggestions to add in.

DD chose to do hers in a SEND primary school, as she already had other primary school WE (also arranged by herself on a more ad hoc basis). She chose this as her aim is to go to university to do a primary ed degree.

However many of her friends didn't know what they wanted to do and just chose a placement they though t might be interested in. For some it did clarify it would be a future option, others were able to rule out that area of work for the future. And for some it was just 2 weeks placement having no bearing on their future at all.

But yes, with some parental input to guide them, I think year 10 pupils should be able to arrange their own placements.

My daughter worked in a sales office.

It's nothing she would ever do again.

My son worked in a Architects, he went through a bad patch later, dropped out of a levels and ended up working in KFC. When he got his act together in his early 20s, he wrote to this company and, due to his work experience there, they took him on, put him through and HND in building and he now earns good money as an architectural technician.

Both times it was there own choice

I did my work experience in year 10 in a cycling and walking shop. I have no idea how or why I got it but it hasn't had any impact on my career at all. I did a BTEC before university which had lots of work experience but that was related to the career I wanted (nursing) so was more relevant.

Let her do what she wants. If a career in music is what she wants then she'll only regret it if she doesn't try. She'll probably be working for about 50 years so there's time to retrain if it doesn't work out.

My DD couldn't do work experience in her chosen field, but she could get experience which could lead into a useful part time job whilst she is at college. She applied to Waterstones, who insisted that students should send the initial email, attend a brief "interview" chat and not have a helicopter parent floating around. It did her the world of good. Work experience allows then to pursue something they think is useful. I've never known a week in year 10 open up a graduate career to anyone.

Fuck yeah 14 is old enough! I say this in the nicest way but.. back off! Does it really matter anyway? I did my work experience in something totally unrelated to any of my many different careers but I still remember it with fondness. It was fun. Remember fun? Also, she's a drummer. That's cool. I was once good friends with a session drummer who worked all.over the world and made ££££. It actually can be a career. Support her in whatever she chooses, it's her life.

IMO she is fine to find her own work exp placement, and if she is doing the legwork rather than her mum then that will impress potential places.

Work exp in yr 10 might have a bearing on a future career - it would be nice - but it's hardly the be all and end all.

Ds1 dud his in a couple of catering outlets, and that is his career; dd otoh worked in a library and tried for a space at the local theatre. (but was turned down) - neither of which she plans to make her career now.

Her sixth form wk exp was arranged by me, but only because of an old contact who obviously wouldn't have known her. Ds2 sorted his in yr10 but it wasn't related to his proposed career. it's not always easy to find something relevant anyway. I think you are overthinking a bit op. Let her contact music shops and so on, good luck to her.

dd1 did hers in a vet clinic. She’s in her third year of microbiology (it wasn’t remotely connected). Ds did his in an architects. He’s a lifeguard on a gap year who wants to do performing arts.
In all honesty, their part time jobs have been far more use than the official ‘work experience’ was.

Thank you so much to everyone for your replies. It's been a couple of years since I last posted on Mumsnet and it's so nice to receive so much advice!
Yes, I am extremely anxious, Tableclothing

Pretty much all of you are telling me that she's old enough. It's SO HARD but I will try to back off and let her make her own décisions.

The most useful work experience placement I ever came across was the lad who was planning to go into catering, and got work experience in catering. He had to drop out after a couple of days because he just couldn't cope with the heat in the kitchen. At least that gave him a year to decide on an alternative career path!

For many kids, the main value of work experience is not the particular type of work. It's the experience of working a 9-5 day in an adult environment (some have rarely interacted with adults other than family and teachers). I've seen some kids flourish from being treated as an adult, and some very taken aback to discover that it's not just schools that don't allow chewing gum!

For some graduate careers, they're not necessarily going to find a relevant placement, and there's something to be said for doing something relating to their interests, or that might lead to a part-time job, or that might give a different perspective (I always think those intending to be doctors should go to an old people's home).
Sometimes the most unlikely placements turn out to be the most interesting. Those in Oxfam get to do much more than in other shops, because Oxfam are much more willing to let them have a go at everything the volunteers do. I visited a student in a solicitors' office, where they were struggling to give her an interesting time because so much was off-limits.

@lanthanum What's your job? It sounds like you monitor work experience placements, which must be a real eye-opener.
Assuming this is your job , do those who want to pursue a graduate career come up with the idea all by themselves or do you think there has been family influence behind it? I remember when I was at school, there was a girl who said from the age of about 15 that she wanted to be a gynecologist. Looking back on it, she probably hadn't ever visited a gynecologist at that age. For me it was just a 'grown up' word associated with pregnancy.
I have 'gaps' in my own childhood (my mum wasn't there from when I was 10 onwards) and this issue is bringing it all back. I'm trying to help my daughter through this when no one was really there for me as a teenager. This is why I'm coming across as anxious and like I'm asking silly questions.

Is your child planning on going to uni - some of the best advice my eldest got was look at the uni towns you are likely to want to go to - see what businesses are close to the campus.

Try for work experience in a local branch here at home - e.g Starbucks/Costa/Co-op etc. Then try for a part time job in the summer holidays, you can often get a transfer and be up and earning your beer money before anyone else has sent a CV in.

My eldest organised her own work experience completely. She had to create a CV, send emails, make phone calls and go to a short interview.

Doing all that with complete strangers, rather than just going to work with a parent like a passive toddler in need of childcare, was the main point of work experience.

If you do it for your 14/15 year old all you teach them is passivity and that nothing is really their responsibility.

Specific career relevant work experience comes later, at age 16+

Ours was a half and half effort. They decided what they wanted to do, we talked about who might offer appropriate work experience and they made the arrangements.
It definitely impacted on career choice and entry for two of them. Our son went with the armed forces for a week and from that arranged more experience over the summer, travelling away from home with them but under the safe wing of his rugby coach, who was a fairly senior serving officer. He gained his commission aged 19.
Our daughter went as an office helper/tea maker in a doctors practice. She was able to arrange proper experience and make contacts for when she was old enough to do clinical work experience. She’s in her final year of GP training.
Our youngest wasn’t affected by it at all. It wasn’t in a field she’s likely to work in.

Let her apply for whatever she wants, she's 14! She has 4 more years of education (unless an apprenticeship) and will be better able to see what jobs have more career prospects. Dd has friends who play in bands (and have recorded to some success) they attend Leeds music school (part of the university)

I handle the Work Exp applications for our firm. Any enquiries coming from a parent are rejected, with an explanation that the whole process is a learning experience so the student must do it themselves.

By all means support with suggestions and check that the CV and enquiry letter/email are free from typos, but you absolutely must not make the approaches for her.