Is 14 yr old mature enough to choose own work experience?

[mashedpotatoes]

Hello everyone,

When it came to finding work experience in year 10, which of you let your child choose which places to contact, and which of you sorted it out yourselves?

My daughter's school has told the students that they should write their own CV and covering letter and they should find the experience themselves.

What's bothering me is that I don't know if there's an unsaid rule that in fact the parents should take the initiative and use their common sense to find something suitable for their child, or if it really is down to the child to find something.

Also, do you think their choice of work experience will impact their future career?
I've managed to bring it up in conversations with people I know and I've heard things like:

• a friend found her daughter some work experience in the legal department of her company and now her daughter works in law
• another friend found her daughter experience in the speech department of the hospital where she worked and then her daughter worked as a medical secretary and then as a speech and language therapist
• as for me, I did my work experience at the local newspaper and at a radio station and I've since worked in music publishing and now as a private English tutor. My school organised my experience for me.

I can't help thinking that if I'd done my work experience somewhere else, I would have a different (better!) career now.

My daughter wants to contact music shops and sound recording studios. She plays the drums, she's into rock - she wishes she'd been alive in the 90's because of Nirvana, Red Hot Chili Peppers etc, etc..) I can't help thinking that this could be the start of an unstable low-paid career, even if it's fun and enjoyable. I've always encouraged her drums and the groups she plays in. I just always thought the music would be just for fun, not an actual career. She is often top of her class, she's bright, and she deserves to have a stable career and a good life. I think we all hope this for our kids.

This whole subject has been stressing me out for weeks and I would really appreciate other mums' opinions on this.

I've been considering saying that she can contact the music shops/recording studios if I can also contact some places on her behalf (communications dept in a local bank, solicitors, graphic designer, courts, human resources) and she could have two shorter work experience placements. She doesn't even know that these kinds of jobs exist!
Basically, should I just keep quiet, or get involved? At the age of 14, is she mature enough to make this decision?

Sorry this is so long. I've had several weeks of worrying and arguments and really want to sort this out!

@CosmoK Great advice! The meeting she had with the careers advisor at school was very disappointing - in fact the advisor was in training and was marked by her supervisor during the meeting! I'm going to find an external careers Advisor.

On the wider careers stuff I think schools have limited resources, but useful info is available online on different jobs (and stats such as number of those jobs in the UK, pay). parents can do a lot.

For example, at one point I was interested in NHS jobs and my mum dug out the payscales, and compared them with other options.

Some jobs in creative industries can be well paid, but many aren’t and competition is high.

Great idea to get your DD some good advice. Do seek out free resources too.

I think you need to be careful in calling the meeting disappointing. Young people are notoriously bad at evaluating career guidance and they have unrealistic expectations.
If the trainee was being assessed their supervisor will have picked up on any gaps and it's very likely she'll be seen again in year 11.

If you do seek an independent careers adviser please make sure they are trained to an appropriate level ( level 6 or above) and preferably on the CDI professional register. There are a lot of unqualified 'career coaches' out there.

I wanted to work in the theatre industry and I was studying drama. I lived in London. I wrote to the local theatre asking if I could do stage hand, front of house, cleaning, literally anything. They ignored me. Had my mum or in fact anyone guided me, I could have written to any number of London theatres and found something relevant.

I ended up in a nursery as my shitty school couldn’t be bothered to find anything else, despite saying I would despise every minute of working with children and I would never ever in my life go in to that industry.

Whilst I was there everyone kept cooing at me that I must really love kids. Nope!!!! What a wasted opportunity.

I live in an area with very ambitious parents!!!! DD's school told us that work experience was about getting your child to experience life in work. Yes it is great to get on the medical programmes but they do not stop you going to med school if you have not done it.

DD has applied for all of her own placements (they do 3). She is a very high achiever and her first placement is in retail - she asked someone she knows, and she is there this week and is really, really enjoying it. Her next 2 are more linked to what she wants to study in science and computing but again, she arranged them all - for one she had to get certain grades to get in, and she made sure she got them (we were so proud that she did all of this herself).

I can honestly say, let your DD do what she would like to do but help her by proof reading her CV and ensuring she reads the applications properly etc. It is a wonderful experience, more so if your child is doing something they love, whether that is music or looking after animals in a shelter.

@CherryPavlova Thanks for your reply on Monday. You said that your daughter did office help and made tea at a GP surgery for her work experience and now she's finishing her training to become a GP. Can you remember why she decided to do her work experience there? Was she particularly strong in science at school? Did she want to help people to get better? Were her friends doing the same thing? Did you, or her teachers, encourage her to go in that direction?

@Annasgirl Thanks for mentioning the ambitious parents who live in your area! This has led me to think about ambition in general, and how it's important to encourage your child to be ambitious. I hope your DD's work experience continues to go well.
www.familyeducation.com/life/cognitive-psychological-development/10-ways-nurture-ambition-children

She’d wanted to be a doctor since about five years of age with a couple of years out when she wanted to be a vet. Never wavered. She knew she’d have to show work experience on her statement for UCAS so asked at our GP practice. She went back later on for proper shadowing experience. The senior partner offered coaching for about six prospective medical students from the independent school his children went to and he included her, which was good. She also gained extra work experience through them.
She’s a bright girl but had to work hard at Chemistry, in particular at A level. She went to a comprehensive and knew she needed an A in Chemistry. She didn’t find GCSEs hard at all but it still a step up to A levels.
We encouraged her to look more widely but she’s stubborn.School weren’t overly helpful about specifics such as UKCAT and BMAT or interview preparation. There were four from her year who went to medicine but one did it as graduate entry after a biomedical sciences degree and another had to retake all his exams.
No friends applied for medicine but she was in the studious/ bright/ geeky/goody two shoes group. They worked hard and were all ambitious. We would have discouraged strong friendships with children who weren’t switched on to learning, to be honest.
No real desire to make people better on an individual basis but very interested in ethics, medical politics and epidemiology. Always interested in politics and inequalities in healthcare globally.

Medicine is massively nepotistic - I think after farming it's the occupation with the most frequent generation to generation connection. I know, my father didn't speak to me for a month when I didn't choose physics as an O level as he thought I was cutting myself off from my birthright...

Thanks @cherrypavlova It's fantastic that your daughter stuck to her goal and is now nearly at the end of her studies. My daughter is also in the studious/geeky group. It's interesting how ethics, inequalities in healthcare, politics, etc captured her attention. It shows that personal values and morals are also important when choosing a career.

@AgnesGrundy sorry to hear that your dad gave you such a hard time over your choice of O-levels. Do you think that people in the medical profession sometimes try to keep others out of the field, encouraging their own children more, which is what creates the nepotism? Or maybe something else?

mashedpotatoes I think a lot of medics have god complexes, but I don't think they deliberately exclude. There are so many doctors in my extended family and there is an enormous superiority complex/ god complex, but I think they believe that they are benevolent... Something unspeakable was done by a doctor in my family which I can't share legally, but ranks were closed in an attempt to prevent him being struck off and allow him to locum abroad...

On a less sinister note doctors help their children, nephews and nieces and to a lesser extent their friends' children to get into medical school, which is absolutely legitimate but confers massive advantage, and a lot of doctors expect their children to be doctors and are very obviously disappointed, boardering on insulted, if their children don't follow in their footsteps.

Quite depressing reading but what I had already been wondering:
www.theguardian.com/careers/2015/sep/17/keeping-it-in-the-family-is-nepotism-a-barrier-to-graduate-jobs

@AgnesGrundy Thanks so much for describing the 'benevolent god complex'. You've put your finger on what I was looking for :) I will bear this in mind when trying to patiently accompany my DD in her choice! It sounds like médicine wasn't for you!

Hello OP. It's hard to be anxious about DC's career choices/ future prospects. My DD1 did her work experience last year and had wanted to do it in speech therapy. However, despite us having a good range of contacts to tap into, it just wasn't possible as many health related fields need them to be eighteen before they'll take someone on work experience. We thought laterally and she applied to a school with a language unit and went there. She worked really hard (I was so proud of her end of experience report) and because of that they did as much as possible over the week to let her see as many speech therapy activities as possible. However I think that a lot of the valuable learning came from taking the bus to work, meeting lots of new people, thinking about professional dress codes, and writing the application letter and CV (I sat with her to do this).
Have you heard of the book "The Gardner and the Carpenter" by Professor Alison Gopnik? It's looks at whether we nurture our children as a gardener does or whether we carve them like a carpenter. I found it really interesting to consider the philosophy of that. It helped me to step back a bit and give her space to make her own choices.
One of my friends trained in a medical field, basically because her father pushed her into it as it was what he did. She was good at it and earned a good salary but never enjoyed it despite doing it for twenty years. She now works in a different field and is so much happier, and better paid (!) but her father literally disowned her when she gave up his choices for her. I think it's sad that she spent twenty years doing something she disliked...

I had a paid job at 13 and loved earning some money to buy things, which also helped to teach the value of money as I was on 3.15ph and it took forever to earn money for something (and lots of hard graft in a kitchen). My work experience was somewhere completely different (local rum story museum) and it was a bit boring as they never really trust you to do much and there's so much policy and h&s regs they have to follow. If she can get somewhere she'd enjoy I'd encourage that. (I'm only 27 so it wasn't too long ago)

ime the theory is that children find their own work experience. But in practise cold-call CVs from 14 yr olds get ignored and at the last minute you have to pull in favours from friends. So chat with your DC about what they;d like to try, then network and help them get set up with someone you vaguely know. That's the unwritten rule.

DS1 had two lots of work experience. One he got himself via a very well-established scheme that encourages teens to apply for it (which a teacher of his knew about because she was friends with someone at the company otherwise we;d not have known it existed) and the other via me. DS2 had one via a friend of mine which was really valuable to him.

OP that guardian article is nothing new BUT you shouldn't worry too much.
You are already thinking about how you can support your daughter and she's young enough for a number of different plans to be put in place.
Yes nepotism is present but it's doesn't mean it's impossible for young people who don't work in the professions.

I think you're approaching it the wrong way. You're concerned with how people got into high flying careers. The first place to start is by talking to you daughter about what she is interested in. If she doesn't have a clear career idea - that is fine. ....I can't stress that enough. Indecision isn't a bad thing providing they are still proactive in their career planning.

Asking young people to focus on a specific career at a very young age can be quite restrictive. Instead encourage her to develop career management skills....the ability to research, adapt to change and build resilience. Stress the importance of gaining good grades and getting and making the most of work experience ( this doesn't have to be career focussed as we're talking about transferable skills)
I know I've says this before but speak to career guidance professions - they can help. Even the trainees!

*young people who don't have family working in the professions

I did mine at primary school I wanted to be a teacher ... I spoke to parents and then they helped advise me how to get a placement ... otherwise I would have been stabbing in the dark
My brother did his at an computer store

I work in a bank ( so
I work with people I guess )
My brother is an engineer (so
Works with machines ). But that’s as close as the similarities went ... we both picked our own

Try not to worry it’s just a bit of a life lesson

@Sewingbea Thanks for the book recommendation. I'll try to get hold of it :)

A little update!
I've contacted 2 careers advisors and left messages…. Today we drove round to look at 2 recording studios and one music shop which she had listed as wanting to apply to for work experience. The first studio was in a rundown-looking building on the edge of the town and she actually said that she didn't want to do her experience there.
The second studio looked a bit better from the outside but she didn't make any comments. And she liked the music shop we visited.
I think she's going to apply there and to another music shop we know.
@CosmoK - another good idea about developing career management skills. It helps just giving this skill a name!

@CosmoK She actually was fairly proactive one or two years ago when she used to bring different books home from the careers library every week. At that time she was adamant that she wanted to work for Google. I pointed out that Google is a huge company and she needed to think about which part of Google she'd be interested in. The great working conditions (cool offices in Silicon Valley, I think) were also very appealing. She also wanted to travel and she still does.
But since then her research seems to have dried up. Before no one was asking her to do the research - it was completely her own initiative - but now it's something the school and us are asking her to do, which maybe takes the fun out of it.