My 13 yr old son, excluded permanently for having cannabis at school

[NickiBH]

Can anyone offer me any remotely positive advice please? My sons school called me in today, he has been found with a very small amount of cannabis at school and excluded. He was given it (for free) from another student. The school have said it is 99.9% sure that he will be excluded permanently and that no other school will take him on, as they all have a zero tolerance approach to drugs. They did however ask him for as much info as possible about the other child. My son was very honest and told them that he had smoked it quite a few times outside of school with 2 friends who attend another school, one of which has contact with a dealer. The boy in his school and him have had a few conversations about weed, and today he apparently called my son over and gave him this free (Tiny) bag. The school have told me that there is a massive drug problem locally and that dealers are often recruited this way, with freebies which will have to be paid back somehow later on. This boy has also told my son that he grows it at home...I can only assume he means his parents?? .... and that he gets £5000 a shipment and makes a lot for himself. Anyway, it seems that this boy may well get to stay in school, as he is saying he found the weed on the street, but my son’s only option is now a CSS unit with other excluded kids and limited GCSE options.
Needless to say, I am absolutely devastated. I didn’t realise this was happening and feel like a complete failure as a Mum. I just feel like he has now blown so much opportunity for the future over one stupid thing.
The school have said I will have the right to appeal, but that this will most likely come to nothing.
Does anyone know anything that may help me?

Just wanted to send to you, OP.
Have read this whole thread and learned a lot. Hang in there - it’s really great that your son is talking to you at this point so you can face whatever comes next together. That shows that he trusts you.

It was a small amount. He was not carrying a lot as a supplier or courier would. This was presumably for his use. He doesn’t appear to be a vulnerable DC in care or have the typical family profile. However if the OP recognises that he is vulnerable, then the possibility of him being used should be investigated. Whatever happens he needs help to stop doing drugs and clearly makes poor judgements. However at 13 this isn’t unusual and poor friendship choices are not unusual either.

Yes, he’s smoked a bit and that, of course, is worrying. If the OP has noticed him having money to spend then I would be very concerned. However to say he is definitely being groomed and is part of a drugs distribution network is not, at the moment, borne out by evidence on here.

Years ago when DC were caught with drugs at school, (and this is NOT a new thing if you worked in school exclusions 30 years ago) no one had even invented county lines. Kids just had drugs and they got them from other kids. Why they did this in school, and not in the park, or at home is clearly a problem. Is it the norm in school? Obviously extra stupid but also brinkmanship - what can they get away with under the noses of authority? Generally the suppliers were permanently excluded and the stupid receivers were fixed term. It is not new for 13 year olds to smoke and some get it from their parents (shock horror!) I’m not saying this is the case here but it’s not a given it’s a supplying network either. However this should be investigated rather than assumptions made.

I agree with others, he is being groomed for county lines and is at risk.

Personally I'd go to the Police and let them know exactly what happened. The other boy is not a friend, he is a recruiter of a drug gang.

Sorry OP but from what I know about county lines, I'd consider moving to get him away from the area.

Bubbles Small is how it starts. 13 is young to be using it's not 15/16.

Yes historically mainly children in care & 'typical' family profile but world has moved on. See how they isolate the already isolated through autism for example.

He was not carrying a lot as a supplier or courier would. This was presumably for his use. He doesn’t appear to be a vulnerable DC in care or have the typical family profile.

Bubbles - County Lines doesn't target vulnerable or in care DCs. The small gift would be just the start of drawing him in. He now owes a favour back and is at risk because of that.

He may well be given a little errand of delivering a package somewhere now. Unfortunately a common gang tactic would be that he is "mugged" while on that errand and the package taken. He is even more in debt now.... It is a very real problem and for a parent, quite terrifying.

County lines is a massive problem in my area. We live near a small market town. The drugs come in from West Yorkshire and Greater Manchester. The school has students from mainly reasonably affluent backgrounds so is a prime target for these dealers.

There was an article about county lines on the local news last night. It is an increasing problem for our area.

There is a lot of over reacting going on here. None of the county lines links has been proven. The police need to work on that. We might warn but we cannot be sure.

Bubbles, that's pretty naive. This is EXACTLY how it started for our friends boy. Very middle class involved supportive family background too in a small well to do satellite town, of a bigger town a hour from London, but he was vulnerable as he was grieving to close & much lived relatives that made him vulnerable to "kindness" of some lad giving him something as he "looked so down"😏 ended with him on the run in fear fir his life for over a week & now having had to go live with other family elsewhere to protect him.

He was just turned 14 when it started ☹️

You should definitely appeal (I thought it should automatically go to a governor review) read the schools policy on behaviour/exclusion, contact your authority's inclusion officer for support

This is the problem you see. The OP says that her lad says he "didnt think it was that big a deal".. This is the message that children are getting from all sorts of channels. It actually IS a big deal and of course OP will know this. There are the personal and health issues of smoking and also the supply chains, the illegal grows,the violence,the criminality that goes with it.

Readers might like to catch up with the channel five 3 part documentary "taking drugs for fun" (catch up my5) in which four "enlightened" uk youngsters from possibly different strata of society are educated as to what is in,what it does and where their coke comes from.

In the industry im employed in, they have randomised drug testing. Anyone who is found positive for illegal drugs is immediately fired. If you have a family to support thats pretty serious, but you know what ? every now and again someone is positive and gets the bullet.

Op said The school have told me that there is a massive drug problem locally and that dealers are often recruited this way, with freebies which will have to be paid back somehow later on.

And the mate going on about how much he earns dealing - this is what points to grooming. It’s not a simple case of one mate giving another some free drugs.

I also know a nice lad who got sucked in despite the best efforts of his parents, back when no one understood just how insidious these grooming tactics are and it was seen as ‘boy gone off the rails’. He ended up in prison.

It really is comparable to the child sexual exploitation stuff in Rotherham where the girls were originally viewed as prostitutes and are now seen as victims of exploitation.

My son was caught because everyone in the class could smell it, as his ‘friend’ said, it was very strong stuff apparently from Canada and worth £20. It was a tiny amount. He was asked to be searched, but confessed immediately. Although he has smoked before, he says it has never been in school and he was not expecting this sudden gift on that morning. The boy is not a friend that he sees outside of school. The school and I both asked why he would have chosen my son to give it to and my son said it is because he knows that he has smoked it a few times before and they have had a few conversations about it.
The school have given the weed to the police liaison officer who I have been trying (without luck so far) to contact to discuss.
I am so worried that this could be very serious. Of course I have his phone, along with his x-box so that he can’t chat online. He is not allowed out either, so life is a bit boring for him right now. I know that he is very gullible and having tried my best to make him realise this is potentially a very dangerous situation, and whilst I sincerely hope it is unnecessary over reaction, I simply can’t ignore the risk that it isn’t. He says he understands that he has been wrong to think that a smoking occasionally was no big deal, but I will be very vigilant as I know how kids can be very different with their friends.
We have actually discussed moving, this was something we were planning for when he finished his exams anyway. It’s just difficult as we have a son at college and a daughter at Uni nearby too.
We do both work, although I am part time, but I worrying about leaving him at home all day. I am hoping to know something more definite within the next few days so that I can plan for what to do next.
Thanks for the supportive messages.

As you have his phone, I suggest now is a good time to check it and also his social media, and the account settings.

If he's being groomed or is in deeper then he's saying, you'll find it on there.

What do people think about subjecting their teens to random home drug tests if they are suspect?
www.ukdrugtesting.co.uk

I am no expert on this - but it is heartening to see how generous those with more knowledge have been with useful information that has allowed you to contact the school with a degree of certainty about what you are saying.

I really do feel for you; I can understand how worried you must be.

I do agree that it would be best if he was not permanently excluded as this puts him in a more vulnerable situation. He has done wrong; but the school do have a duty of care to him; although I understand their dilemma in wanting to protect the school body from this sort of problem.

Well done for approaching the school with courage and clarity - and I wish you well.

He's lucky to have a strong mum fighting his corner.

Have you looked in his room/elsewhere for a second phone? Unlikely, but best not to assume...

You read the paperwork before the meeting to be able to pose questions.
The correspondence about the exclusion is included. This lays out why the exclusion was made. You question the Head at the meeting but you have all the information that the school and the pupil has.

Both sides are then able to consider questions about the evidence at least a week before. All the Heads/schools evidence is read beforehand.

Not everyone appeals and even when they do appeal many do not turn up. You do the appeal in their absence.

@NickiBH I was relieved to see in your most recent post that you have got his phone and Xbox. Be mindful of the possibility that children don’t always tell the truth, particularly if they fear they are in trouble, so you might not have the complete story yet. If your ds will go through his contacts and messages with you, you may get a clearer picture of what’s going on, and hopefully remove/block the numbers associated with his drugs activity (if the police get involved, they may want to know the contacts before you delete them). It is probably worth getting him a new phone number so that he can’t be pulled back into this, and new social media accounts, depending on how he has been in contact with the drugs suppliers.

Be mindful that he may have a cheap second phone.

to you and strength to get through this. I hope that you can get your ds’s school to adjust their position on the exclusion.

To be fair, the OP hadn’t said her DS was marginalised, had SEND, was grieving or any other reason to be chosen as a courier because he was vulnerable. Other than stupidity of course. 13 year olds have smoked dope in the past. It really isn’t new! Or that young! Mostly given by older DC.

Why would you delete phone contacts if you want the other DC to be caught and questioned? How bothered the Police will be is also a moot point. They are not known for being proactive in this area of work. They don’t prosecute for possession either.

The question he really needs to answer, OP, is why he took the drugs from a DC in school? He obviously didn’t see it as a big deal. How has this happened? How does a wrapped up (presumably) small amount of dope smell so strongly? That’s odd too. Or was it handed out like sweets? I think someone dobbed him in. I do think he’s been economical with the truth but his biggest problem might be not being savvy enough to say “no” because he is clearly known to the DC who gave it to him and being someone the other DC thought they could influence.

In my area it was always the middle class ones who smoked. Often grammar school
Pupils. I’m not naive - I’ve just seen the fall out for years and it really can be the DC of anyone who can do dope. Not just vulnerable DC at all.

If you move, you will need to know he will be more discerning and stop smoking because the DC with the dope will find him if he doesn’t find them first.

Op it might be worth smiling the safeguarding lead with a record of your conversation so you have it in writing- along the lines of 'as discussed ' 'I asked' 'you agreed' 'we agreed you would come back to me on...' - just in case any of what you spoke about doesn't get actioned/followed up!

Smiling?! Emailing!!!

I’m sorry all this has happened. I’d be cautious he’s telling the whole truth. It’s possible but seems odd he was chosen to be given the drug that day. Maybe the older kids give younger kids the drugs for school time. So they don’t get caught if searched. It’s a horrible time but if your DS is telling the whole truth I’m sure he will learn from this and it will all work itself out. It’s a massive lesson.

You are doing amazingly.

Don't forget though to email after any voice conversation with what was discussed and confirm you understand the agreed actions correctly.

This is so school can not deny they said/did things later.

Also county lines is the first thing that sprung to mind.

The 'friends' he's met outside of school and smoked it with are also probably part of the system. They then tell their contacts within the school who continue the grooming there.

My friend is a lawyer for cps and deals with complex cases so a lot of county lines stuff. She said police aren't generally interested in charging the school kids because they are often vulnerable targets but will always take serious,h any reports from school to see if they can get information that leads them higher up the chain.

Stay strong. None of us ever think or wish our children to do this or get involved in things like this. But however we raise them they are still their own people with their own minds.