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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Y7 - brilliant first day, today it's all wrong

18 replies

namechangedyetagain · 04/09/2019 07:49

Just that really. Had a fab first day, today already I've had moaning and anger about the uniform, the journey, the blazer, the water bottle - you name it, its wrong.

Do you think it is tiredness? 6 weeks off and new big school? How do you manage the first few weeks (or longer) of secondary school? I feel like the worst mum everSad

OP posts:
LabellaChicca · 04/09/2019 07:51

A little disappointment maybe? A friend who found a new best friend, not the hoped-for seat? Probably a million other things except you being the worst mom ever Xoxo

TeenPlusTwenties · 04/09/2019 07:58

Lots of TLC.
As much 'scaffolding' as they need for as long as they need, whether that is 1 week or 3 years.
Promise to replace waterbottle at the weekend if it isn't the 'in' style.

Secondary is very tiring for many new y7s from what I've seen. So many different pupils, teachers, classrooms. New rules. Different teachers having different rules. Not wanting to get anything wrong.

EduCated · 04/09/2019 08:00

First day is new and exciting and likely carried through by adrenaline and ‘special treatment’ (if like our local schools they only have Y7s and sixth form in to start). Second day reality sets in and it hits that this is the next five years. Now they’ve actually got to deal with homework, changing lessons, making friends etc.

Lots of love and gentle sympathies. Ride it out unless anything seems like it is becoming a particular problem. Plenty of sleep and snacks!

ineedaholidaynow · 04/09/2019 08:01

After the excitement of yesterday the realisation that the school holiday fun is over and this is it for the next few weeks.

Why do you feel you are the worst mum ever? It’s not your fault they are in a grump

BarbariansMum · 04/09/2019 08:40

You have to give it time. Ds1 hated secondary til after the first half term, then tolerated til after Christmas when he finally started to enjoy it. He's been there 2 years now and lives it. Ds2 starts today and I'm expecting similar .

BarbariansMum · 04/09/2019 08:40

loves it

DarlingOscar · 04/09/2019 10:58

completely normal - it's a confusing time for them and it will take the first few weeks (at least) to feel settled.

All you can do is listen and suggest strategies.

Seem to remember having the 'right' crisps for break time helped ds feel more confident! It does get better

Hairyheadphones · 04/09/2019 11:01

My DS seemed to have a good day yesterday, went in and came out happy. Today is certainly seemed more anxious, I think the reality is setting in.

steppemum · 04/09/2019 11:06

I have just sent no. 3 off to year 7. The first day is great, very exciting. The second day harder and by the weekend they are on their knees.

In fact 2 more experienced parents said to me, expect it to be hard work form sept to Christmas. They were right, even when school is good and thye are making friends, it was just enormously tiring, no spare time, so much new to juggle.
They are dealing with so much new, and in our case all new kids too. It requires so much mental and emotional energy.
Low point is mid November!
From january it gets better and better.

Plan chilled weekends and lots of support and hugs.
Also extra snacks (nit sure why they all ate so much more in the first term!)

TailsoftheManyPaws · 04/09/2019 11:10

Years ago, DD managed to be late to secondary school on Day 2 (bike puncture). They had an assembly that day on the Importance of Punctuality and were told there would be rewards for those who had 100% attendance and 0% lateness.

DD came home in despair as she'd 'already blown it and why even bother?'

She lived. And as far as I know, no one ever got the 100% attendance award.

It's a dramatic time.

Fancyaruck · 04/09/2019 18:32

Teacher here. Tiny things are huge for year 7 students - leads to nerves, worries and anxiety which are all exhausting! Keep being chirpy, listen, sympathise - don't minimise things that don't seem important to you (so and so picking a different partner, not winning in PE, etc) because they're big to your DC.

Original poster
namechangedyetagain · 04/09/2019 20:55

Thank you for your replies. He seemed in a better mood tonight. I think it's going to take time to adjust to the travelling, and also not having as much spare time in the evening. Trying to be very calm, patient and understanding. He really wanted this school and whilst I think he will be a good fit I just worry that maybe we got it wrong. Was the youngests first day back at school today so bit of a frazzled household tonight!

OP posts:
nonicknameseemsavailable · 05/09/2019 10:17

yes probably tiredness and he might have expected after the first day nerves it would all seem normal but then realised that for the first week at least every day brings a lot of firsts. first lessons in different subjects, first lessons in different groups if the school mix them up for things, first PE, first time in a different building and so on. Today (day 3) we had worries about how to know which of the two types of PE socks to wear for PE today as they don't know what sport they are doing first.

I am sure it will all settle down for him soon.

angemorange · 05/09/2019 10:22

My DS is further up the school but I remember the first two weeks were very up and down. I think tiredness, new teachers and subjects and the stress of finding his way about all played a part. Many of his friends were the same. By the end of September things had settled down - the rest of the year was fine. Just hang in there - September is the cruellest month!!

bellinisurge · 05/09/2019 10:26

Dd is now Y8. She was the only girl from her primary group in her new school and the boys who also went were ones she didn't like. Day 1 she steeled herself and was awesome . Day 2 was tougher. She loves it now and has lots of new friends. Better than I could have hoped.

Ohnononono · 07/09/2019 08:31

My DD is in year 9 and still likes to moan about the uniform!!

DS started Y7 this week and he doesn’t like the shirt because of all the buttons. However, I reminded him how much better it is than primary where the no-uniform policy meant by Y6 you were uncool if you weren’t wearing the right expensive Nike tracksuit Hmm At least with everyone dressed the same there’s less scope for being judged on your clothes (I know it still happens, but to a lesser extent).

It’s tiredness and mental exhaustion. Think how we all feel after a day at a conference or a social event or travelling somewhere unfamiliar where we have to meet new people and be on our best behaviour all day! We’d be irritable too.

I found with DD doing familiar things at the weekends helped - so seeing old friends / cousins / family time, where she could chill out and be herself (and have a good moan to her friends instead of me!)
She now loves school by the way Smile

Ilikesweetpeas · 07/09/2019 08:36

Reassuring to read this, my new Y7 is alternating between enjoying and and in tears about how she can't cope. She's also got a LOT of homework to do which I understand seems overwhelming

user1483778494 · 09/09/2019 11:41

Hi,
My daughter started last Thursday in year 7. She has only been two days then the weekend. Those two days seemed fine, made new friends etc. However this morning she was having a panic attack and was very tearful. I hated seeing her like this but will just be there and listen. I think it is a realisation that this is her first full week and she asked when half term was. Fingers crossed she gets on ok today as was a bag of nerves this morning.

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