Eton, Harrow, Winchester, or Westminster?

[MECC]

So our son is in prep school, and it's around the time that we begin considering which schools he should apply for.
His marks are very good and he enjoys reading. He is apathetic to sport, so we think an unashamedly academic school may be good for him. That's why we initally thought Eton and Harrow were probably not good choices, although we don't want to completely rule them out.
The issue with Westminster is that os only boards during weekends. It is also partially coeducational, and we want our son to have an all-male education.

marytuda Be prepared to be called a worthless scrounger by a parent of an Etonian for daring to criticise the school.

In case it is relevant, Westminster seems to win any attempt at Public School Top Trumps (because it is seen as cooler and cleverer).

DD was with a group of sporty university friends, mainly state educated and northern, when they came across a drunken bore proclaiming he had been at Eton. The others were impressed. He was the first Etonian they had met. DD faced up to him saying "Well, I was at Westminster." The Etonian deflated, leaving her friends even more impressed, even though they had not heard of Westminster. (They had thought she was "posh" but that was mainly because she came from the SE and had never heard of Wilko - there are no branches in Central London.)

In short, another advantage of Westminster is that it is urban with no funny uniform. You are not isolated and learn to sail below the radar. What it offers is a great education, a belief that learning is fun and that it is cool to be clever, to aim high, and to work hard towards your goals.

Howwudufeel did they actually say that? Well remind them next time the real scroungers are those those who genuinely believe their dubious contribution to society is worth thousands upon thousands more than far-harder-working underlings (nurses teachers carers, general clearers up of society's mess etc) . . . And claim their super-elite self-perpetuating educational institutions are charities . . . and benefit from numerous other industrial state subsidies I haven't got time and space to list here, all the while doing their utmost to minimise their own financial contribution to those less fortunate (I mean tax, for those who don't get it.)
And imagine, there are people who believe just using a state school makes you the scrounger!

Yes marytuda Apparently I thrive on handouts. The Etonian’s parent ignores the fact that Eton benefits from huge tax cuts so can afford the odd generous act of charity whilst state school face cut after cut introduced by...old Etonians...

I live this fantasy that Eton is full of wealthy mediocrities.
There are many public schools of which that could be said. Eton is not one of them. It probably has the strongest educational brand in the world, bar Oxford and Cambridge, and its reach is global. It is very hard to get into.
Face it, if it was mediocre, it wouldn’t be making you all so very angry. Would it?

I think I've said this before BigBall but it's not actually about Eton but the corrupt, damaging system of which it is such a visible symbol. If I'm angry about anything, it's about that . . . Frankly, we all should be. Think this discussion has gone as far as it can now, and I do plead entirely guilty for deflecting - well it wasn't just me, was it - the OPs fairly innocent thread. Cheers.

You said that Eton was full of people of low ability and no moral fibre, I recall. Yet if similar insult were offered to the pupils of a comprehensive, you would be squealing about unfair stereotypes and snobbery.
You do right to take your bat and ball in, I think.

the real scroungers are those those who genuinely believe their dubious contribution to society is worth thousands upon thousands

Yawn, yawn, the tired old Socialist Worker crap.

Independent schools themselves are estimated to be worth several billion pounds to the UK economy. Report here from Oxford Economcs.

And higher earners do contribute more to the economy than low paid workers, that is just an economic fact.

But remember - Etonians are schoolboys. Usually to be found, in termtime, playing or watching football, eating pizza, doing homework - with no idea, yet, of how much they will be vilified by complete strangers who know nothing about them either as a group or as individual boys

@QuaterMiss, you put it so well. There are some very unpleasant comments on this thread, aimed to some extent at other posters' children (though maybe 'moderate in ability, with even lesser moral fibre' should become the new school motto ).

All of the males I know who went to Eton have a very odd attitude to/manner with women and come across as dicks. Having said that most of them married very nice women who weren’t afraid to tell them when they were being socially out of line. And it may just be a coincidence.

Hmm, if this thread is real rather than just quite successfully shit stirring, I wonder why the OP wants her children to board every weekend if they live in the UK? I remember it being that way with friends at schools mentioned, only out for exeats, way back in the day, but if education is the priority, surely teaching/other aspects of the school should be the priority over issues like full boarding?
Not a boarding bash. . But full boarding when you like in same country does give me something akin to cognitive dissonance, regardless of politics/values.

Live in the same country*

Is it just me who really hopes OP's son is gay?

My stepmother sent my brother to a single sex school so he wasn't distracted by all the frivolous girls. He came out as gay at 19. I was absolutely delighted. He has a lovely husband and job now, despite having had access to sexual partner during A Levels

Well, this one School I referred to above is about to deliver to the UK its 20th Prime Minister!

Any school that is responsible for Boris Johnson needs to be deeply, deeply ashamed of its radical failure.

When you think of all the insufferable people in the world/in the public domain, why single out Boris Johnson (whom I loathe, btw) and Eton for special treatment?

Cyberworrier, boarding works better (IME) if all the pupils board all the time, rather than there being a distinction between weekly/day/full boarders. A school which caters exclusively for one 'type' of pupil can tailor its offering entirely to their needs.

My DS is gay, as it happens. However he has me (single mother) and three sisters, so I hope he's not too much of a weirdo where females are concerned.

That makes sense about catering to one type of pupil, Esto, , I would just probably consider a weekly boarding scenario more balanced for holistic development and to become part of wider society.
Which sort of leads to my suggestion of why people single out former pupils of these schools- they disproportionately dominate positions of power and determine the way our country is run, and yet live in a tiny parallel world within a world. So when decisions about housing, state schools and the NHS are made by people who have not lived these systems, and these systems often are to the detriment of the rest of society, people get angry at this powerful and privileged niche. I completely understand blaming the schools and pupils at large is pointless, missing the point. But I understand the anger and consider it justified, as our society is not fair and we are at a peak moment of ridiculousness politically at the moment, with one public school man child in particular.

By the way, I’m fully aware my views won’t be shared by many on this thread, but thought I’d offer my view as someone with sympathy to both sides of the debate if that makes sense.

That makes good sense, Cyberworrier. What bothers me is people making assumptions about a particular school and its entire cohort from 1660 onwards, just because of a few prominent, unpleasant and disreputable individuals.

If it's any consolation (which it may not be), my DS is at home in total more than he is at school. Terms are short and very intensive. Holidays are long and consist of him being nagged by me and got at by his siblings (he's there on a scholarship/bursary, btw). So for at least half of the year, life is pretty much as normal. We would all sit on him very hard if he became any more insufferable than he is by nature.

I'm still pissing myself at "We want our son to have an all-male education."

God knows why; the lads I knew at sixth form who came from all-boy private schools were the biggest pricks there. And had no idea how to socialise with others, especially females.

Understood.

You sound like you’re very aware of the privilege of your son’s education and the importance of being grounded, which I wish more parents were. So you get my approval, not that you need or want it 😁

From having taught at such a school for a short period, tutored pupils from this sort of background etc, and been a scholarship pupil at a boarding school myself, I’m just highly aware that many parents don’t think the same way you do. However, for balance- I think the proportion of conscientious parents trying to instil values into their children is probably the same at most schools, private or state, including the deprived one I currently work at. The not engaging or bothering to be a responsible part of society just manifests itself differently at Eton than at a less privileged school, but the attitude is the same, from an unpleasant and selfish part of the human psyche. Found everywhere but with more potential for far reaching negative consequences in a privileged person.

I think there is too much generalising, here. I went to an all-girls school from 5-18. So did my sisters. Not boarding, admittedly, but we were very much cosseted and had no contact with boys at all until we went to university. We still managed to get married and have children, somehow. In a way, my son at Eton has more contact with females (through having sisters) than I had with boys, despite the fact that he is boarding and I wasn't. All his closest friends are girls (either friends of his sisters, or local prep school friends - his prep was mixed, so he has known these girls a very long time, and spends his time with them in the holidays - or friends of boys at school).

Crossed with you, Cyberworrier. Thank you. FWIW, I am glad to have your approval as I would hate anyone to think that everyone with DC at Eton (or their sons) is a complete knob. Everything you say makes very good sense. It just upsets me when everyone at Eton is tarred with the Boris Johnson brush, when my own experience of the school is so overwhelmingly warm and positive.

By the way, I meant to do a smiley emoji, not the rather tortured one that appeared! Good. An old friend teaches at Eton and he is lovely and talented. I’m sure it’s a wonderful place, if it’s what feels right for you etc. I’ll stop derailing the thread now! (Still not convinced the OP was genuine)

Cyberworrier, I'm wondering the same about the OP. I hope she's not really a DM journo. Now wondering what your friend teaches. The teachers at Eton are absolutely wonderful. My DS is taught by a duo who had me snorting my tea out (in MN parlance - not IRL, obviously) when I went to his parents' consultations... Though I do struggle with the fact that they all appear to be about 17.

It's a tough one...

When considering which of Europe's most elite and expensive schools to send your child to, it's fairly normal to ask a load of strangers on Mumsnet. Just ask the royals, that's how they decided.