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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Dd devastated- behaviour point

60 replies

Hsaansnsn6776 · 07/05/2019 20:47

I know people will say that she is being unreasonable and babyish but dd15 was on the school site and saw that she had a behaviour point. She’s an extremely hard working student and always does her best, never steps out of line and she’s just a bit upset because she already feels that she doesn’t get noticed and now feels like it seems unfair to have a behaviour point. She thinks it may be because of 1 forgotten piece of homework but I think that is unfair because, she has never forgotten homework for that teacher before and is always hard working in that lesson. Please don’t attack me if you have nothing nice to say but I was just wondering what people thought about it

OP posts:

Villanellesproudmum · 07/05/2019 20:48

My dd got to year 10 before she received a behaviour point for forgetting a book, no big deal.

Dermymc · 07/05/2019 20:48

She forgot her homework therfore the sanction applies. It's one point over a whole year. There will be students in the high hundreds. I think you need to work on her resilience if she is really bothered by this.

Mokepon · 07/05/2019 20:50

Will it matter in 1 month? A year? 5 years?
A good opportunity for her to learn perspective and actually life can be very unfair. Not nice, but sometimes that's how it is.
And sometimes things are worth fighting and others just need to be shrugged off.

delilabell · 07/05/2019 20:50

I'd get her to ask her form tutor to check it.
If it is for something she didn't do (forgotten homework or even a staff error) they can ask for it to be removed.

Hellohah · 07/05/2019 20:52

She should meet my son, and be happy she's only got 1 behaviour point!
Surely they tell her what the behaviour point is for. I know (as you can gather from my opening line), I have a lot of experience. At his school, parents get an email for everything, positive or negative points and that results in a detention at the end of the day where the teacher has a brief conversation with the student about the reasons for the negative etc... So everyone knows

QueenofCBA · 07/05/2019 20:52

If she forgot her homework she deserves the usual sanction. It doesn’t matter that she has never forgotten homework before, the rules apply to all.
As others have said, teach her to take it on the chin, the world will not end.

MintyCedric · 07/05/2019 20:53

I think you need to work on her resilience if she is really bothered by this.

This.

Also, the fact she's never forgotten homework before is irrelevant...if she's 15 and doing her GCSE's homework is important and she should be able to organise and remember stuff like is.

Original poster

Hsaansnsn6776 · 07/05/2019 20:53

No, and she knows that tomorrow she will move on but to her it is a big deal. She is never rewarded for the good but is punished for the bad. The school are not the same as others schools regarding behaviour points and there are very few in high hundreds.

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CherryPavlova · 07/05/2019 20:55

Yes, getting something wrong, getting a demerit, failing at something is very good for young people.
You need to support her in building resilience by minimising it and letting her cope with it.

nancy75 · 07/05/2019 20:57

I can kind of see her point.
Although the 1 point doesn’t matter there are lots of kids (my Dd is one of them) that always behave, always try hard, always do their homework & always get overlooked when it comes to the positive behaviour points.
It feels a bit unfair that the one time they do something slightly wrong is noticed but the several years of them doing everything right is ignored.

Original poster

Hsaansnsn6776 · 07/05/2019 20:57

I think it’s harsh to she has no resistance and poor organisation. She is constantly organised and she’s human. Everyone makes mistakes so don’t assume she’s not organised for one mistake. Resilience is most certainly not a problem. She is a strong kid so please don’t assume! But everyone is allowed to feel deflated and she just feels a bit confused a wrong done!

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Original poster

Hsaansnsn6776 · 07/05/2019 21:00

Nancy 75 I totally agree with you! It’s just a bit unfair. She won’t care tomorrow but I think she just feels a bit cheated when she does everything right and never gets noticed but does on tiny thing wrong and gets points docked!

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waltersdog · 07/05/2019 21:01

It's not unfair if she forgot her homework and the penalty is a behaviour point. It would be unfair to treat her differently to anyone else who forgot their homework.

Parker231 · 07/05/2019 21:04

If she has forgotten homework I would expect an automatic behavior mark.

Original poster

Hsaansnsn6776 · 07/05/2019 21:04

But shouldn’t it apply the other way round too? If she does something good she should get the same rewards as ‘badly behaved’ pupils?

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BossyPurples · 07/05/2019 21:09

My dr had this this.

Y8 and was marked as "disruptive" two weeks in a row for the same lesson and face facing a detention if a third happened.

It was a class she'd complained about since the start at being out of control and that not much work actually gets done. These two occasions she wasn't even in the class as school had arranged for the non disruptive ones to join another class so I knew she wasn't bullshitting when she said it wasn't her, I let the first time slide, and the second which looking back I shouldn't have, and when the class was told any disruption and they're all having detention she was anxious as she's never been in trouble if any kind, keeps her head down and wants to just work. Phoned the school and the teacher I spoke to teaches dd for English and said she's suprised because she's such a quiet girl, turned out because the majority of the class were disruptive she just marked everyone as it.

The parents evening before the end of y8 most of the teachers mentioned her year group being a very difficult one and how she's done well to not let it show in her grades. The teacher in particular apologised to her and said she knows she isn't disruptive and would not have meant her when she issued detentions. That all she had to do was keep her head down til the end of year and classes will be switching up big time for y9 and she should be in a class with much less disruptive children.

Some of the stories she's told me, I feel so sorry for the teachers and how bad it must be half a dozen teachers are apologising to parents about disruptive behaviour in their class.

If dd has been disruptive I'd have supported the school in giving detentions, I wasn't going to support it when she wasn't even in the class.

waltersdog · 07/05/2019 21:10

How do you know she doesn't ? Can you say the behaviour points of other pupils ?

waltersdog · 07/05/2019 21:10

See not say

AhCheeses · 07/05/2019 21:16

DS's school have positive and negative behaviour points...
If she's got a negative mark for missing homework I think that's fair enough but I agree they should be recognising the positive stuff too.
I received an email today saying DS has a detention tomorrow for missing homework... Its his first detention, I think he'd much rather a negative behaviour point!
It's his own fault though, he didn't do the homework and the consequences is a detention.

EvaHarknessRose · 07/05/2019 21:17

We went through this, but honestly its helpful in the long run, they stop worrying about putting a foot wrong, realise their efforts are not that noticeable to others but nevertheless valuable to them, and get on with achieving but with less anxiety about ‘failure’.

Many behaviour points are not that justified, poor dd2 collected a few after I complained about a teacher (she was the only well behaved one in the class, had always had house points from that teacher previously, and her account seemed to stand up).

CheesecakeAddict · 07/05/2019 21:18

I can completely understand where your daughter is coming from. As a teacher I give every student that comes to my class and puts in the effort positive points, every single lesson. And I regularly hear that I am the only teacher to give top set students and year 10 and 11 positive points.
Honestly, I would encourage her to have a word with her form tutor. They will be able to say what it was for. And you are absolutely right, she is just human. She will forget things; don't we all. Sadly there are consequences and no one is exempt , but we move on.

MillicentMartha · 07/05/2019 21:18

How would you know what behaviour points other children get? It’s perfectly normal for some DC to get hardly any and others to get lots. One point in 4 years isn’t a big deal.

donquixotedelamancha · 07/05/2019 21:19

It’s just a bit unfair.

It's not unfair. It's explicitly fair- the school system was followed. What you are arguing is that it is too harsh, which is different.

How the administrative loss of one point, with no associated sanction for a first offence, can be too harsh is beyond me.

You are being completely irrational. Accept this and try to mitigate your behaviour before you pass it on to your daughter.

If she does something good she should get the same rewards as ‘badly behaved’ pupils?

No. Life is not fair. It's not fair that she gets better parents who brought her up properly, to the extent that she's worried about one missed point (and despite my comment above this is mostly a sign of how well you've done). It is not fair that her life prospects will be so much better as a result.

The teachers set expectations in line with children's capacity and try their best to appear fair. You have no clue what the 'bad' kids lives are like, but you should have a more realistic understanding of the world by now.

Leave the teachers to make their judgements and concentrate on helping your daughter be the best she can be. Be nothing but supportive of school and reassuring that she's doing fine when you talk to her.

Original poster

Hsaansnsn6776 · 07/05/2019 21:22

To those asking, no you cannot see other pupils behaviour point but DD roughly knows what they have!

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Original poster

Hsaansnsn6776 · 07/05/2019 21:27

It’s not a problem to me at all. I’m extremely proud of dd but she feels as though it is not necessarily fair. And that’s ok. But is is forgetting one piece of h/w! I do not know what ‘bad kids’ lives are like but I know hers and know she has not necessarily had it easy

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