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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Upset for my nephew and angry with my sister

97 replies

BretonLeopard · 01/03/2019 10:51

I am very close to my nephew (don't have children of my own) and my sister. When she applied for secondary schools, we went to look at two schools - both in the catchment area but the first choice (A)always oversubscribed and DN is not from the feeder school. His primary is a very good Catholic school. Her second choice (B) is closest to his home but again, his primary is not the feeder school. Another choice would have been the local Catholic School (C) (I work at this school but she decided for various reasons not to send him here). His school is the feeder primary to this school.

This morning, my sister messaged to say that she is on the waiting list for school A. The offer she has is for a different school (D) which is a terrible school. I couldn't; understand this, as her second choice (B) was so near.

She has since told me this morning that she only put down school A and did not put down any other choices.

I am absolutely devastated for my nephew and livid with my sister. I think she has been completely reckless and I fear there is nothing she can do.

Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
AuntVanya · 02/03/2019 08:02

Some people do this- they only put one or two choices and think 'Oh they'll have to give me one of them'.... They don't have to. And the child just gets allocated wherever there's a place.
Some do it out of arrogance, thinking they're clever and they've found a sneaky way to beat the system.... But mostly it's done from naivety and a hideous application system where parents have to make decisions in the dark- having very little idea of how the system works or what their chances are of getting into a particular school.
If school D is not acceptable, look into whether there are any grounds for appeal ( I doubt it) and get on waiting lists ASAP- tho those who appeal successfully will jump above any waiting list queues. Why did she not want school C, the Catholic feeder school?
Your sister has made a terrible error. Dont say I told you so.... but use your knowledge of the school system to help them out.

AuntVanya · 02/03/2019 08:05

Plus i think the advice is to accept the place at school D- or she will compound her error and it is very possible he will end up with NO place at all. They won't be more obliged to place him elsewhere if he has turned down and offered place

niceberg · 02/03/2019 08:07

@HotpotLawyer thanks, I think that is wise advice. And thinking about it, continuing interest in schools that were listed on application may be treated differently (timing-wise) to people going on a wait list for a school they didn’t initially include.

Mumski45 · 02/03/2019 08:07

BERTRAND THAT IS SO SO WRONG and just confuses people who see you as a regular poster about education and would trust you. You really should know better that the position you put school on the form does not influence how your application is assessed against the criteria. All applications are considered equal whether you put them 1st 2nd or 6th. The order matters when the system decides which of the schools you qualify for offers you a place.

BertrandRussell · 02/03/2019 08:09

I’m sorry- I got caught up in my computer sweep thing and went a bit mad. I’ve asked to be deleted. Of course i’m wrong! Blush as I pressed post I realised that! PleSe ignore me.

TheWoodsAreLovely · 02/03/2019 08:12

Swampytigga I'm delighted you got your first choice, but I still disagree with you - the point is, you never know what will happen, especially in a bulge year like this one. And the main thing is that there is no point in NOT filling up all your preferences, because it will make no difference to whether you get your first preference - so why wouldn't you?? As an example, my IRL friend chose not to include evidence on her SIF that would have put her in a higher category (evidence to which she was fully entitled), because no-one from our area has ever had a problem getting into that school even just on distance, so she thought it was unnecessary. However, bulge year - she didn't get a place.

AuntVanya · 02/03/2019 08:15

School Run website has loads of useful info on what to do in this situation
( also useful article on how allocating preferences works:
www.theschoolrun.com/equal-preference-system-explained)

BretonLeopard · 02/03/2019 08:33

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BubblesBuddy · 02/03/2019 08:56

Loads of children go to schools where their parents reach or are even the Head! An aunt really doesn’t matter in a secondary school where there are so many staff.

Having read all of this, I think most LAs explain how the system works on their web sites very well. Mine certainly does. There are also booklets issued in libraries. I think the vast majority of parents do follow the advice and the rules.

The difficulty has really arisen because the allocated school is so poor. If it wasn’t, the allocation wouldn’t be a disaster. If DN goes there let’s hope the school is improving and DN is more robust than portrayed here. Often children are!!! Not every child in a school can be dreadful.

Adizzy · 02/03/2019 08:57

Oh god I made a stupid mistake on my form and now paying the price for it. My brother also annoyed about what I did. Only can move forward now and put my child on waiting lists. This has made me feel a little better that I'm not the only one that effed up.
Smh. Fingers crossed for you and hope you and your sister get it sorted out.

gambaspilpil · 02/03/2019 09:06

Looks like your sister has started her own thread about this situation OP! You may want to tell her your on here too as she is likely to spot this thread.

gambaspilpil · 02/03/2019 09:08

It’s a thread started this morning in secondary education stating ‘I have made a terrible mistake’

BretonLeopard · 02/03/2019 09:10

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FamilyOfAliens · 02/03/2019 09:16

My sister has been incredibly foolish and hasn’t yet told me why she has done what she’s done. I will take your advice and help her make the best of the awful situation she has created.

I realise you’ve spoken to your sister since you posted this but please make sure you don’t come over a judgementally to her as you do on here.

BretonLeopard · 02/03/2019 09:20

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PhilomenaButterfly · 02/03/2019 09:34

Sorry, I didn't really go out of my way, I posted my gut reaction. OK, it was daft not to put more choices down. Also, most of my sympathy lies with your poor nephew. We put down 6 choices and only got offered our 1st choice, which makes me glad that we swapped first and second choice round. We've accepted, and it's all done and dusted until I order uniform.

There's still time to hopefully put this right. Good luck to your sister and nephew. Flowers

headinhands · 02/03/2019 09:52

This awful school D? Do all the kids there have feckless parents?

I can see why your sis doesn't want her dc at the school you work at.

BretonLeopard · 02/03/2019 09:54

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prh47bridge · 02/03/2019 10:32

Looks like your sister has started her own thread about this situation OP

No, I don't think that is the OP's sister. The facts don't match. The poster in that thread used all three choices and got her third choice, which she didn't want. That is very different from the OP's sister putting just one choice.

AuntVanya · 02/03/2019 10:57

Punta- well done you for taking such an active interest in your nephew- and for being supportive of your sister. They are lucky to have you on the case.
Will she reconsider school C? Lots of kids go to school where relatives work. It's not the ideal but secondary schools are huge and it's easy to avoid each other. I even managed secondary school plus sixth form where my mother was the headteacher. (If I'd gone elsewhere, she thought it would send an odd message to other parents that the school wasn't good enough for her own child.)

BretonLeopard · 02/03/2019 11:03

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FamilyOfAliens · 02/03/2019 11:09

I am going to speak to the head on Monday.

Shouldn’t it be her mum who speaks to the head? Accompany her by all means, but by going in her stead you risk making her look (and feel) like she’s not as good as you.

Some schools may also not discuss a child with someone who doesn’t have PR, unless the parent has specifically requested this and even then, only if the parent is unavailable.

swampytiggaa · 02/03/2019 11:14

TheWoodsAreLovely actually there was no point me putting more than one school choice. My alternatives were a failing free school which tbh I wouldn’t use even if it was brilliant or a school 12 miles away. I live in rural Devon. The schools are designed to take the children within the catchment area. I have never heard of a child being refused their first choice secondary school.

HOWEVER when I lived in Birmingham it was a very different story and I put all my choices down for my eldest but was fortunate enough to get the closest school which was my first choice.

I suppose what I am saying is that you need to know your area and apply accordingly 🙂

Adizzy · 02/03/2019 12:03

Yeah just to clear up any I'm not the poster OP is talking about! Lol, but I read the tread and thought I'd made a similar mistake. in fact I almost did the same thing and put one school down because I also heard that wax's the way to get the school you want.

Hope you get the school you want OP, feel your pain right now. Good luck.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 02/03/2019 12:10

I am staggered that there really are people who depend on the shit advice peddled by random people on the playground/internet for serious decisions in life, such as where/how to apply for schools.
How about reading the bloody admissions booklet for a start, where it explains it in easy-to-read English?
Just because some woman at the bus-stop's sister once knew someone who got in to the best school in the county and only put the one school down, does NOT have any relevance to your own circumstances. Nor is it likely to be true.