Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Why do people openly criticise decisions to send your kids to a private school?

999 replies

scotmum1977 · 26/12/2018 16:01

I sent my Son to a private school (Glasgow) last year for various reasons and it's working out really well. There is the cost but we just do without expensive holidays etc. I can't think of a better gift for my children than a good education. I was so surprised at how offended people get when they ask which school he attends. They think it's ok to criticise you openly and make bitchy comments here and there. Surely how you spend your own money is your own business. Anyone else have this experience?

OP posts:
RomanyRoots · 30/12/2018 23:40

sorry, missed out social mobility after, individual person. Grin

Bernadetteloves · 30/12/2018 23:48

Let them eat cake!

happygardening · 31/12/2018 07:41

I’m not sure parents always have less inputs/involvement into their children’s lives. Schools are very aware that many parents who pay pay for better access to staff more regular reports/grade cards better communication etc etc. Parents IME are also more likely to complain and expect their complaint to be taken seriously and acted upon because they are customers. Many parents also want to attend regular social events concerts plays matches often with extensive refreshments provided etc etc. So IME it’s inevitable that parents are more involved as they believe they’ve bought into the whole package that includes being more in control of and have more influence over their child’s education once at an independent school.

1981m · 31/12/2018 08:14

Iamalwayslikethis- my ds doesn't only mix with the privileged. Sure there are people at his school with plenty of money but there are also people who live a fairly modest lifestyle and are just normal people.

We still see all our friends and their children from before ds starting school, none of which go to private school, just because ds goes to private school does not mean we now only mix with private school children. A ridiculous.

I think some people have the completely wrong view of parents and children at private school. We haven't all got bucket loads of money, are not all snobs and entitled

dailyshite · 31/12/2018 08:43

I realise that the thread has moved on from the OP but having read up to about page 8, I can't help but reflect on the OPs communication style and suspect that the negativity has more to do with this than the decision to privately educate.

Educate your kids the way that you think is best by all means but to point blank deny the privilege that this brings, to accuse people of being liars because they have a sense of the world, based on experience and research which differs from yours, is pretty awful. It also perpetuates the belief that people in the privileged position of being able to make this decision don't actually understand the world or might be a bit smug which I know isn't universally true because I know lots of people who have made that decision and are fantastic, wise, open minded people with a great sense of social conscience although I also know some who do fall into this category, and it might explain why privately educated politicians don't actually understand the country which they are supposed to represent / serve

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2018 08:56

“We haven't all got bucket loads of money, are not all snobs and entitled”
Of course you not all snobs and entitled. Most of you aren’t. But you do all have at least one bucket load of money! Grin

happygardening · 31/12/2018 09:27

I agree Bertrand unless you’re amongst the small minority on a full bursary then having at least a small bucket of spare money go s with the territory. But this doesnt mean you have to be arrogant be out of touch with how many people live and be devoid of social conscience!

letstalk2000 · 31/12/2018 10:13

What does a bucket full of money mean !

I also think it is important to differentiate between parents sending their children to Private schools and those sending their kids to Public schools.

Parents send children to 'Private' school because their needs are not catered for in a binary all inclusive school system.

Parents sending children to Public schools do so in order for their children to climb the pole.

I have always found it amusing on here that generally Public schools were fine, but Private and Grammar schools are the work of Satan .

Perhaps this was because the sole aim of the public schools is to ingrain the status quo. This opposed to the local private or grammar school whose aim is to bestow benefit onto the upper working class -lower middle class.

letstalk2000 · 31/12/2018 10:14

Is/was

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2018 10:24

“But this doesnt mean you have to be arrogant be out of touch with how many people live and be devoid of social conscience!”

Of course it doesn’t. Just people need reminding on a regular basis that private school is not a choice available to most families. Not even if they give up smoking and Sky and have a hunt down the back of the sofa.

flossietoot · 31/12/2018 10:41

Totally agree. and not say stupid things like ‘I have worked really hard to pay for it’.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 31/12/2018 10:59

1981 they’re surely not mixing with the poor/very poor however, who currently make up 25% of the population. They’re mixing with the 7% who can afford it. Even if they’re not drinking champagne for breakfast and taking a helicopter to school, they are very very privileged.

As I said, we could afford it. But I don’t want that life for my daughter. I want her to mix with actual normal people, not people who think not being able to afford a pony = poor.

Thegirlinthefireplace · 31/12/2018 11:02

Do you imagine that kids that go to private school have no friends out of school and do no activities outside of school?

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 31/12/2018 11:19

thegirl yes I’m sure little Arabella from St Snootingtons spends vast amounts of time hanging around the youth centre with Kylie from the local estate.

Give over. I never met anyone who went to private school til I moved to London in my 20s. If you honestly think people genrally mix with those from different classes in our society, you are massively blinkered.

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2018 11:36

“Do you imagine that kids that go to private school have no friends out of school and do no activities outside of school?”

Well, actually, many of them don’t- they simply don’t have time. Remember one of the reasons many people say they use private schools is the wrap round care, and all their children’s activities taking place at school

Gwenhwyfar · 31/12/2018 11:41

A lot of people don't agree with private education. This can't be news to you, surely?

Gwenhwyfar · 31/12/2018 11:44

"Parents send children to 'Private' school because their needs are not catered for in a binary all inclusive school system.

Parents sending children to Public schools do so in order for their children to climb the pole."

No. Many people send their children to private school so they can climb the pole when they can't afford public.

IDontNeedNoPyjamas · 31/12/2018 11:44

I went to uni not having ever mixed with private school kids and then was surprised when I asked the group I ended up hanging out with and most of them were from private school. They were pretty down to earth but they did party quite hard Grin

My DS attends a sports club where there is a strong mix of private and state kids. The private parents are, IMO, insanely competitive, many pay a lot for additional coaching to get their kids into the top teams, and focus far too much on performance rather than whether their kids enjoy it and and are having fun. In the younger age groups the private kids have to be split up across teams because they tend not to mix or form friendships with other kids from other schools. This doesn’t tend to be as much the case as they get older but by then the additional coaching means the private kids end up on the same team anyway.

RedSkyLastNight · 31/12/2018 11:51

“Do you imagine that kids that go to private school have no friends out of school and do no activities outside of school?”

That's actually the case for the majority of the private school children I know. And where they are doing activities out of school this is often something like music - which in itself means they are mixing with naice middle class children, probably from very similar backgrounds to those they go to school with.

The only way they'd meet DC from a more diverse range of backgrounds would be if they did something like hang out with them in the local park - not feasible or attractive for every DC.

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2018 11:52

“Parents send children to 'Private' school because their needs are not catered for in a binary all inclusive school system.

Parents sending children to Public schools do so in order for their children to climb the pole”

Missed this. Wrong on both counts!

SoupDragon · 31/12/2018 11:56

The only way they'd meet DC from a more diverse range of backgrounds would be if they did something like hang out with them in the local park

Yes, that is absolutely the only way they could possibly meet their state educated peers. Everyone knows that the only thing state educated children do is hang around the local park 🙄

Original poster
scotmum1977 · 31/12/2018 12:05

@RedSkyLastNight def disagree with this. I know lots of kids who go to a state school and participate in music. Our local schools orchestra is mainly kids from state schools. They do not hang out at the local park either.

OP posts:
flossietoot · 31/12/2018 12:11

They probably also aren’t exactly a diverse mix at orchestra to be fair. Music lessons and kids from disadvantaged backgrounds don’t tend to go hand in hand.

flossietoot · 31/12/2018 12:14

Unless it is maybe a flute band. In Glasgow.

Ta1kinPeace · 31/12/2018 12:17

I went to Private school in London
I did not even know the names of the state schools in my area
let alone anybody who went there
My friends and I socialise with people from out school, the boys schools and the girls schools we played sport against
My ballet school was all privately educated girls

At University I met my first comp school pupils (and married one)
Until I left university I never mixed with people who were not academic

Private school can easily be a bubble
Please do not pretend it isn't