Why do people openly criticise decisions to send your kids to a private school?

[scotmum1977]

I sent my Son to a private school (Glasgow) last year for various reasons and it's working out really well. There is the cost but we just do without expensive holidays etc. I can't think of a better gift for my children than a good education. I was so surprised at how offended people get when they ask which school he attends. They think it's ok to criticise you openly and make bitchy comments here and there. Surely how you spend your own money is your own business. Anyone else have this experience?

Flossietoot I never once said I didn't understand why they don't agree. My question was, and has always been, why do people feel it is ok to openly criticise. That is very different. Maybe you should read before lunging in with insults!

What is wrong with being from a housing scheme?? Why are you being so defensive about another comment you have deliberately taken out of context?? You said you came from nothing- I was asking if you came from a scheme to demonstrate why your peers might be upset!!!

But yet you couldn’t see why people would express upset??? What on Earth did you think would happen....

And you have yet to actually answer that question. And my point about the Irish influence was that big families (of which there are many in Glasgow should you care to research it), would not have had the resources to send their children to private schools!!

You were the one that brought up your own social status when you said you came from nothing, but then decided that actually you didn’t have anyone living in poverty anywhere near you.
And my point- which you have deliberately misinterpretated, is that I have experience of both working in socially deprived areas in Scotland where private schooling is unlikely to be popular, and also in well off areas where it is!
Look- I am sorry that you seem unable to cope with criticism or take on board responses to your question which aren’t what you want to hear- which appears to be ‘yes, it’s terribls that people have criticised you for sending your child to a private school!! You obviously have worked really hard to make that happen!! F them and their opinions!! They should mind their own business!!’ But I don’t personally agree with that and deeply sympathise with why someone might express upset!!

The question about the council house is relevant if you are saying you came from nothing. You brought that whole topic up- not me.

Flossietoot Nothing and no-one on this thread tonight has offended me except you and your comments. Just because you work In a deprived area does not give you the right to offend others who don't. Your "I live in the wealthiest area In Scotland" is a really embarrassing boast and tells most of us all we need to know. Who even says things like that!!

I said in one of the wealthiest. I have just re read the entire thread and don’t appear to have offended anyone or had anyone sling any mud at me apart from by you. I clearly have touched a nerve- you have looked for emotive language where there isn’t any. I can only assume you are very insecure and easily upset. I am not upset by your comments to me about being a liar etc as I recognise that attack is the easiest form of defence.

And actually, if you were to skip over to one of the many deprived areas in Glasgow which you seem to know nothing about and live no where near, you might get a better understanding of WHY a I was so particularly firm in my criticism of you.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=lZAmhB55_-k
Watch this- you may learn something about the demographic in which you live- I am well aware that Paisley isn’t Glasgow city but gives the context.

And also- why would I be embarrassed to say I live in a wealthy area? should people who live in a poor area be embarrassed to say so? You say I am the one that is ‘snobby’ and should be embarrassed for having referenced having friends from a variety of backgrounds including well off? Why??

You say I am boasting- why would it be an achievement to have friends who are rich?? It is you that have noted this as something other than a statement of fact- why? I certainly didn’t. I was referring to differing accents.

"it is widely known that Glasgow is in general one of the poorest cities in the UK"
I'm keeping out of this squabble but I feel I have to correct inaccuracies.According to the Office For National Stats Glasgow comes 12th out of 20 in terms of poverty all the other areas are mainly in London Manchester and Birmingham and this figure only applies to the city centre itself.

If you use GDP as a measurement of wealth Glasgow is not amongst the 10 poorest places in Northern Europe, but 6 places in the UK are: Tees Valley Lincolnshire Cornwall West Wales South Yorks and inevitably parts of London.

It is inevitable that there will be signoficant deprivation in big cities (Glasgow is the 5th biggest urban area in the UK).

You're right happy I'm in Brum and it is a bit weird. Millionaires mansions then a mile down the road it's hand to mouth poverty.

I am staggered that anyone says private education doesn’t buy social privelege. It defies belief that anyone can’t or won’t see that - I assume those who do are simply being defensive about their decision.

I’m a child of 2 parents in higher education who absolutely refused to send their kids to private school despite being surrounded by those who did. I thank them every day for their principles and for sending me to our local comprehensive. Social privilege is so powerful that I still needed up in an elite profession where I am unusual not to have been privately educated.

What kind of bullshit society have we created where local schools are on their knees, where parents struggle to afford school fees and where those children frequently don’t fit in amongst the wealthy?

Would not criticise you op - it’s your decision but I would criticise what appears to be faux naivity in your question.

If you go looking for offence you'll probably find it.

Biggest drip feed in history OP

Not really, mistressiggi. OP said the state school wasn't meeting his needs. Spend any time at all with parents of children with additional needs and you'll know that phrase for what it is. Very very rare for a parent to use that phrase about a non disabled child.

the information I provided on the social issues in Glasgow is not from Google

Perhaps it should be, Flossietoot. That way it might be something approaching accurate. It seems your view of Glasgow is somewhat skewed. Whether it's East/West bias or an inability to see the whole picture, for some reason you don't understand the city at all.

Incidentally, Mhari Black's rhetoric spouted in the Houses of Parliament is probably the broadest definition of fact there is. And yes, Paisley isn't glasgow.

It's also a cliche that opting out of state education means you don't care about it and do nothing to improve it. Someone doesn't have to live in poverty in order to work to eradicate it. Or to have a serious disease to want to improve the NHS. Sending your child to a failing school where they will probably underachieve and where you will probably be able to do vanishingly little to improve that school does not help anything very much. Plenty of people who send their children to state schools have no interest in social improvement and would vote against tax rises to fund education. Plenty of people who choose private education (particularly those who do so reluctantly) support a more left wing government and might help state schools in other ways, such as serving as governors, making donations etc. It's not as clear cut as private education = don't give a toss about state ed.

This picture of Glasgow as a place where everyone is deprived and poor isn't the whole picture. It depends how you define "Glasgow". Most studies are looking at the Glasgow city council area which contains all the poorest areas of the city. Just outside the Glasgow city council area - but still geographically in Glasgow - are areas like East Renfrewshire and East Dunbartonshire which are, on the whole, prosperous, middle class and not deprived. There;s even a Waitrose.

There are also lots more than two private schools in Glasgow - off the top of my head the High School of Glasgow, St Aloysius, Hutchie Grammar and Glasgow Academy. And there's a girls only one on the south side whose name escapes me.

And is there really any difference between moving out of the city council area into East Ren or East Dun for good schools and paying a lot more for your property or staying put in the city and paying private fees?

I'm always a bit puzzled by these sorts of threads.

I mean you say to someone "My child goes to Brendan High" (an independent school) are there many cases where the person they're speaking to turns round and says "Oh, you shouldn't do that" or "You're wrong to do that". I just find it hard to believe that most people would do that in a social situation.

Is it sometimes the case that people think they're being criticised when actually the other person just doesn't want to affirm that choice? I would certainly never be intentionally rude to someone for sending their child private, but I'm also not going to affirm them saying "well, if only state schools were better" or "We're making tremendous sacrifices"

There was a piece in the newspaper from a Head of a private school saying his parents shouldn't be criticised and people didn't realise they were making sacrifices and trying to do their best for the kids etc. What that actually means isn't that private school parents shouldn't be subjected to rudeness (which od course is true); the underlying message is that other people should approve the choice they've made. Which is quite a different thing.

I find it incredibly rude too OP. I went to a private school. My parents are not the super wealthy type that most people picture. My dad worked 3 jobs, including weekends, to send me to a private school. We didn't go abroad on a family holiday for the 7 years I was at school. When I was 15 I worked every school holiday for my 'pocket money'. We never went out for meals. Money was tight. I still had a great childhood. Most of my friends at school had similar hardworking parents. The alternative for me - the only state school I got accepted into in my local area - was so terrible that 4 kids were stabbed in the year I went to secondary school. It really irritates me when people make comments as you describe, even as an adult I get it a lot.

People should be 'allowed' to spend their money on whatever they please. It's especially infuriating when people make sweeping generalisations about people at private schools.