After school detentions and the law?

[BoooForYou]

Hi long time poster but name changed
(LTB, cancel the cheque etc etc)

DD is year 7. Had a bit of an altercation before half term, silly really. All got given their maths test results and DD was a bit upset by hers (maths is her worst subject).
A lad in her class kept driving her mad to give her result over, she said no so he pinched her and told her to get a grip. DD, and no excuses for this at all, slapped him back.
I got a call at 2.55pm on the last day of term, apparently boy had written a statement backed up by another girl. Fair enough. DD not asked for her side though so could I ask and arrangement made for me to pop in on Monday after holiday.
DD explained the pinching and said she knew she shouldn't have slapped him. We did punish her for this (no tv, phone or net for 3 days, early bedtime too).
Relayed what happened on Monday and was told a minor punishment of missing a class to be in isolation would be given. Did say it was a bit OTT, she has never been in trouble at all before, but told school takes a firm line. I thought both her and the boy would be given same.
Was told I would be called with an update regards this punishment after she had spoken to DD and the other 2 pupils.
Heard nothing but thought school is busy so would hear in due course.
Our car is in the garage so I've been meeting her halfway. She texts on the way too from 3pm.
Waiting today and no texts. Started to worry by 3.05 so walked up towards school. Still not texts and no answer on phone.
Got to school by 3.15, member of staff who watches them leave even expressed concern as no clubs tonight.
Went into office to be told she is in isolation, where she has been all day until 3.30 (30 minutes after school).
No one around without an appointment to speak to but Secretary did say I am meant to be informed.
Finally she came over at 3.35 with one of the isolation staff who I calmly said I had no notification of any after school detention or that she was being isolated all day. Wad told "oh, my bad". Totally didn't see why I was worried!
DD now very upset, no longer wants to go to school and to make matters worse, homework due today wasn't handed in as they refused to allow her to hand it as she was in isolation so now, due to school rule, she will get another detention.
I am so angry by this. I get the need to punish, but surely they are legally required to inform me?
I want to raise it with Governors, DH says no, don't be that parent.
Where do we stand?

Is this an academy?

You have a chance to escalate this.

Points I'd raise are

•they should minuted the original meeting as it was re behaviour and related to a policy.
•behaviour policy states that school will seek witness reports and all sides.
•original report was maths teacher reported - why were you given incorrect information?
•why were you waiting for 15 minutes whilst the receptionist searched for DD if you and indeed them had been informed of her whereabouts in a previous discussion.

Then I'd end that as they clearly can't communicate effectively between themselves that you 100% agree that any further meetings should be minuted. And that as is your legal right you will be recording them for your own personal use to check their minutes against the conversation had to back them up in ensuring all information is correct and there's no misunderstanding.

Usually I'd say drop things like this for an easy life. But having been through similar with my ds and it ending up in the child who always 'got away with it' pulling a knife on him in class a few weeks later I'd say you need accurate records.
The academy didn't even take witness statements for this incident informing me "ds didn't want to". Except autistic ds didn't say that and actually made statement to police as school wouldn t and "that's the rules" 😂

La were so desperate to cover it up they arranged for him to transfer to a great secondary that's always over subscribed!

These academies sound hideous. I would escalate.

No they're one of few in our area not in an academy. They're a specialist sports college but that seems more about the funds they receive than anything else as they don't take kids on sports ability alone.

I just find it so rude to pass the blame to me! Don't get me wrong, it has made DH and I discuss making her more independent. We still have no car as ours is off to be crushed but I've walked her as far as the road her school is on and let her go off the rest and she texts when she gets there.
DH is in agreement we should escalate it, otherwise, we're putting DD in a position where she won't stand up for herself for fear of them pulling a stroke like this again.

Just move her, you can’t reason with stupidity like this.

Agree that you need to withdraw her from this school - they are dishonest, do not have a grip on student behaviour (or the means to establish what is happrning under their noses)and do not have your child's best interests at heart. They are all about blaming the victim and covering their own arses.
I would escalete to governing body and LEA but would still take my child out of this environment.

Totally agree with above posters.

Been there and cried into that T shirt.

Not worth it

I would agree except that I spoke to the local authority regards escalating my complaint (which I can't do at this point, it now has to go to the governors) and mentioned I'm that disappointed I'm considering removing her. The woman told me if I do, I will find it very difficult to get her in anywhere else, there is already a waiting list of kids who didn't get a place at their top three choices plus kids who have no place at all. The only school who might have a space is one which is constantly in the local paper for being a hell hole.
The other issue is, she actually gets on well with all but the maths teacher, she's obviously not keen on the wellbeing zone where the exclusion room is now but she hadn't visited there since they had a walk round the class spaces on the first morning. She's made a really good group of friends as well so, barring the day it happened and the day after she's adamant she doesn't want to leave.
She actually hears us discussing it and said she doesn't see why she should leave as she's not the one in the wrong.
All I can do is escalate to the governors. I think I may get a far better reception from them.

Put everything in writing (I'm sure you have already, but just in case) - get all the details down clearly now, with dates/times if possible, so you don't forget anything and can highlight how their version of what happened, deviates from what actually occurred at each stage. Complaining to the governors is the step you have to go through next, but I wouldn't leave it there if they fail to address this properly. The school lying and covering their own arses at the expense of the students has to be challenged as high up as you can go. They have failed your dd but they are also setting this boy up for all sorts of future trouble if they don't deal with his behaviour properly now.

Make it clear that removing DD is a last resort because apart from the Maths teacher and those in the detention room she is generally happy there. However, if they are not addressing the issues with safeguarding and communication (DD's form tutor being ignorant of the detention) and the lack of punishment for the boy in question.

Ultimately you cannot reason with stupid. It is like reasoning with the dead. A dead person is in no pain since they are dead and the pain is everyone else's as it is for stupid people and policies.

Another update, not been able to do much as we've all had the most horrendous bug since the weekend.
Had an email today just as I'm feeling more human and about to speak to governors for their backing. Came from the woman they want us to liase with from now on.
Well, if I wasn't already miffed and attempting to remain calm and dignified ) I'm really losing that will now.
She wants DD to sign a behaviour contract, agreeing she will not be "disruptive, violent or abusive" again.
DH had to stop me sending that gif back of a woman opening an umbrella onto a middle finger salute.
So, first they admit that they broke their own policy, that they still have not gotten DDs side and they come up with the third different version of the same incident. They lie that I was told when I wasn't and ignore the whole, denial of a days education/teacher having no control of class/refusal to come and speak to me as I didn't have an appointment. They now expect me to get DD to sign some utter rubbish practically blaming her again.
I am currently drafting an email to the governors but I will be raising this further as this is an absolute joke now. How about they sign a piece of paper promising not to silence and victim shame her ever again?
So cross!

If her tormentor also had to sign it that would be one thing. Maybe the teacher should also sign something to promise not to ignore bullying in class

I actually want to respond - but I'm not sure there are actual words 😡

I think I'd be paying a solicitor to draft my complaint and oversee liaisons. They have behaved so unprofessionally and seem to be taking a view that the best form of defence is attack! I don't know how your dd can stay here - the relationship with school has irreparably broken down.
Under no circumstances should you allow your dd to sign this, even if they make the other pupil do so, which seems not to be the case.

Arbitrary and excessive sanctions like this will very soon lead to a total breakdown of discipline in this school. If they are treating year 7s in this way, even these youngest students will rapidly lose all respect for those in charge and they will have no way to control anyone who wants to make trouble.

It sounds like they are trying to create an explanation to justify having applied a sanction that was way out of order. I hope you can get things sorted but agree you need to get her down on waiting lists to move schools or something because sadly I can't imagine this ending well. (Unless, perhaps, the head or other relevant staff leave and are replaced by someone more realistic and very experienced!)

This morning, as she's been off sick and we've all been unwell, I walked up with her as I had to pop in the coop opposite for lunchbox stuff.
Lucky I did as her (absolutely lovely) Form tutor was in there.
Had a very good chat with her, and DD did most of the talking. She said how she feels she has been blamed for everything, totally ignored and that she can't stand up for herself or she will be in it again.
Form tutor listened to her, then DD spotted one of her mates and walked off with her. Form tutor said she is really not happy, she said she had already said how unhappy she was regards the all day sanction as they hadn't informed her. So she's now going to raise a concern herself. She did say that DD is a great kid, she doesn't want her to lose her confidence and we will work together.
It's good to see a form tutor standing up for her student actually. She's very young and new this year too. I hope she'll get further than me!