Moving in Year 8 because feeling left out

[Glitterdaisy123]

Dd has just started year 8. She didn’t enjoy year 7. Her whole primary went to the same secondary school and she had quite a few friends at primary. However, her 2 closest friends have left her for other, more ‘popular’ friends. She sits with a group of friends at lunch but she doesn’t get invited to hang out with them outside school and she feels left out whilst sitting with them at lunch. She’s thinking of moving school but the one she’s at now is the best in the county with the best results (exuleding private). There is another secondary about 25 minute walk away that has been rated ofsted ‘outstanding’ but doesn’t have as good results. I think she likes the fact that it’ll be a fresh start as she only knows 3 people there. She’s willing to ride her bike to school as I can’t take her there by car everyday. We’re just worried the education won’t be as good and her scores won’t be as good. The school we’re looking at does has 3 available spaces. Has anyone else been in a similar situation??

If she is unhappy she won’t be getting the results anyway.

She has 4 more years at least to go and to be miserable and left out will have a negative impact on her

If she doesn't try, she'll never know. The grass isn't always greener, but sometimes it is...

Not exactly but DD was at a grammar last year and as children come from far and wide almost impossible to make after school friends and she was miserable but academically amazing. Just moved her to a comprehensive rated outstanding with great results for a comprehensive, she's made lots of friends already but work is easier than before, whether will impact results has to be seen but she's a lot happier.

Thank you guys. She’s just quite shy so I’m worried she might not make any close friends there and the move would be pointless. I think we’ll see how she is till half term and make a final decision then. Dd says that she feels closer with the girls she sits with a lunch than last year but they all live in a different town to us so it can be a bit more challenging to meet up and as Dd does netball a lot netball after school and on Sunday’s.

I would probably not move her. She isn't being bullied, she has friends to sit with, she feels closer to them than last year, she likes playing sport which will always bring her into teams/groups, I think you may be worrying about nothing.

Not nothing, but not the type of very difficult friendship problems you need to move schools for.

I'd have a chat with her about friendships, is there one girl she get on well with she could invite into town on Sat? Or invite a couple of people to the cinema?

I think you and her may be overestimating how amazing other people's friendships are in different schools, both my children have had ups and downs and at times felt they weren't going well as well as better times. I'd be very surprised if most children just breeze through secondary with a close group of buddies and no fallings out/difficult times, it seems to me inherently difficult with hormones/teen girls.

Also- school is for studying really. I would change schools for bullying or for a very unhappy child, but I am not sure that moving schools to be more popular is quite a good enough reason.

Friendships change a lot in secondary school. I think it’s usual for girls to make different friends in secondary. It’s unusual to still be friends with their primary school friends. DD has friends but she doesn’t hang around with them much after school, I think she just prefers to come home. She’s in a few after-school clubs and she seems happy. As you say maybe see how it goes over the next month or two.