Year 9 DD friendship woes!

[LeoTimmyandVi]

Wasn’t sure if here or Teenagers section was best place to post?

DD (13) had a very up and down Yr8 with regards to her friendship group. They are lovely girls individually, but just horrible to each other as a group of 4 and constantly falling out. I started off by trying to give advice to DD, but then realised that this didn’t help and so now I listen and offer reassurance until the storm passes.

First day of Yr9 and a big argument has blown up again in her group. School Pastoral team may get involved and I am supportive of that as I am hopeful that they will have the experience to be able to help this group try and solve their group dynamic issues.

I guess I am just looking for reassurance that this happens in other groups of girls and how/if it resolved. I just hoped that growing maturity would sort it out, but have a feeling of impending doom that this is going to rumble on and on!

My older DD found Y9 a bit of a challenge at times. They can become very judgemental about each other and some girls try and establish superiority within a group. They can also chat in unhelpful ways about each other. In my DDs case it was because she was friendly with a boy who was a bit shorter than her, although he was the same age. All this happened on an exchange to South Africa and she was laughted at on her return to school. Her exchange partner was eyeing up much older boys. This is just an illustration of the ridiculous things that blow up!

However, the good news is that in Y10, or even before, they get put into GCSE groups. This tends to involve a shake up and girls get more friendly with girls like them. They mature and leave the silly squabbles behind. As children mature at different times and have different outlooks in life, it’s not a given that friendships from primary will continue. Hobbies, tastes and interests all develop and so do friendships.

I hope they all settle down for the sake of the school staff!

It's so hard isn't it. We have had up and down yrs 7 and 8 and I was hoping yr 9 might be better but am prepared to be on hand for a lot of mopping up of tears etc.

As someone else said my daughter is no innocent, she can be very prickly and unforgiving with people so I see my job this year as helping her understand herself and how she deals with other people.

We've found year 7 and 8 to be tricky for girls friendships and I'm not expecting year 9 to be much better for my DD! Even when I was at school I remember lots of bitching in these years and year 9 was the worst for me. After that we started to settle down and grow up a bit.

It is reassuring to hear others in same position and it eventually passed. Also quite agree, I certainly don’t see my daughter through rose tinted spectacles and am sure she gives as good as she gets!

The current situation is that one girl has been highlighted as consistently telling lies and the rest of the group are fed up with it. I can see this from both sides. Rubbish to have a friend who tells lies, but I know this girl has a difficult home life and so her being ostracised makes my heart break for her.

Trouble is, you can’t put years of experience on to young shoulders, we will just have to weather the storm I guess!

Thanks again for the reassurance.

DD's friendship group rather.imploded at the end of last term, year 9. Hers wasn't the only one, it would appear, as the school pastoral team and even head got involved, so it seems it's a common occurrence among girls of that age.
No words of wisdom, but plenty of empathy - it seems all-consuming when it happens, right at a time when your like them to be focusing on their academic studies!

Forgot to say - DD has to hear some hard truths from us about what part she'd played in it all. She hasn't been unkind intentionally, but was seemingly totally oblivious to the affect her actions may have had on others. All part of growing up and maturing, I guess, and some teens come to that point later than others.

Yes Floottoot, implode is the exact word! The parents of one of my daughters friends encourages her daughter to be honest and straight to the point when discussing friendship issues. All well and good but I think there needs to be an element of tact with it which I am trying to encourage my daughter with and also empathy to the other party!

Ho hum, the joys of a teenagers!