Well had DS1 not had complex special needs, we would have been part of the both GCSE and A levels group. But he is, and so, instead of A Levels, DS1 is having an operation in a couple of weeks which has a 50% chance of curing his reflux (which can get scarily bad at times). It feels like a real roll of the dice, but if it does work, it will be brilliant for him. Then there is hip surgery on the cards, as both hips have dislocated (problem with not walking on them and always being in a wheelchair), but the right one is worse than the other. And apparently his case is going to tribunal sometime soon which is the first step in deciding how much funding he will be entitled to post 18, and if it is to be funded by health or by social services (we cease to have legal responsibility at 18, and in fact have to apply to court if we are to be appointed "deputy" for him. In practice, however, I understand we will be asked to make the decisions for him, so it is not clear there is any point in applying for deputyship unless health/social services etc disagree with our decisions).
Oh and his 18th birthday is shortly after DS2 will finish his GCSEs, by which time we will be hoping to have found an appropriate residential long term place for DS1, depending on funding/suitability (hopefully locally)/waitlists etc.
So it is going to be a rough year in respect of DS1, and and at times it is very hard watching what should have been his peers go on to bigger and better things. I would have loved for DS1 to be able to sit GCSE and A Grades/ BTECs or whatever, even at the lowest level, but the reality is that he is so far off that scale (he functions at best at about the level of a 5-7 month baby) that it makes no sense to compare. He is what the random genetic mutation made him, and as a very wise health visitor told me after he was diagnosed, you just have to love him as he is.
And somehow I need to try (although I often seem to fail) to prevent DS2 from feeling he needs to get good enough grades for two. DS2 is very driven, and I suspect a lot of this has to do with coming up 18 months behind DS1. It has always been a bit like he is trying to be 18 months older than he is (and sometimes we had to ask it of him - DS2 had to be the one on the buggy board - which he was from 14 months, because DS1 was never going to walk).
And grades are very important to DS2, so if I can't talk about grades, I am not sure that I would be happy on this thread. And yes, DS2 is bright enough that he can probably achieve without a lot of effort grades that other DCs, including those whose DMs are on this thread, can only achieve with much effort, or perhaps not at all. But he can't see that. All he can see is that the DCs at the top of Set 1 seem to get very high results without much effort, and don't have the stress every time there is a setting test because of the fear of tumbling out of Set 1. And he is driven to try and do as well as them, and that means he is aiming for the 8/9s, and will be disappointed if he doesn't manage at least a few.
That means, at least as I see it, that in many ways he has more in common with the DCs struggling to get the passes than he does with those at the top of set 1. It is not the actual grade, but the extent to which the whole process is going to be a struggle. And so it seems to me the grades should be seen as just that, the point at which it is a struggle for the relevant DC, regardless of whether the DC in question is aiming for an 8/9 or a 6 or a 4, and so I was hoping this thread would give support to all of us who are supporting their DC get the grades that their DC is aiming for, with the understanding that for some DC it is one number, and for others it is another.