GCSEs 2018 (14): the aftermath

[mmzz]

Following on from www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/3275972-GCSEs-2018-13-Untwisting-our-knickers-lucky-for-some

Just sounding a note of caution about the BBC programme 'Who Will Get In?'. I've had all eight DC at a grammar, DD1 starting in 2001, and this programme was very, very skewed to show the grammars as hotbeds of pressure and the secondary modern (they deliberately selected a school which had been put on notice to improve) as a hopeless place for DC, even for those rare exceptions who have aspiration (which was how the DC were portrayed). One striking thing was the sister of the girl applying to Townley for sixth form who had also been to the secondary modern a couple of years earlier who managed six A* and five As at GCSE, or something very similar. How she managed that wasn't given much airtime. There were also some outstanding teachers at the secondary modern despite recruitment problems, several stood out. I'm very conscious of my own DCs good fortune but I'm also aware of problems across the whole educational sector which may be different in the different schools but which were quite deliberately ignored in the programme. I think the HT of Townley probably wishes he had asked for a little more editorial control. As I say, that's a not of caution only, I'm not saying everything in the garden in secondary moderns is rosy, far from it. But the way the programme was edited certainly made for better telly than a more realistic, more nuanced, better balanced picture which would have been even more boring.

Thank you very much to all those making suggestions for prom dresses incidentally. DD was within a whisker of getting hmc's/ He'sMyLobster's DDs' dress having trawled through all sorts of websites late into last night, she then found a pretty long dress belonging to DD3 in a cupboard early this morning and settled on that only to realise it has dodgem oil all down one side from a summer ball (dodgem oil remover tips anyone? Also warmly received :)). Then we went back to the links on the last thread and looked at ChiChi (thank you Blostma) and clinched the deal. Immense help so thank you all - we were drowning in websites between us.

Note of caution, not a not of caution!

Agree goodbye you cannot always generalise - there are good and poor independent schools and good and poor grammars and a DC s individual experience will vary within the same school but there really shouldn’t be so much variation and so much left to chance

Agree completely about that Oratory but my point was narrower - that the editing of the programme gave a very skewed picture and didn't reflect the reality in either school.

Thanks goodbye I don't expect much on tv these days to be realistic, nuanced and balanced. And the same can be said about most journalism in all media.

I thought in some ways the programme was a bit more balanced than I had expected. However, there were far too many variables for a fair comparison. You had a single sex, outstanding school compared to a mixed sex, RI school. So it was really impossible to tell whether the differences were due to the 11+ system, or other factors, or (most likely) a bit of both.

fair point Goodbye

DD has Prom shoes (she opted for a cheap pair from New Look)!

Also booked DD in to have her hair done next Tuesday...I suppose in some respects its a treat for finishing exams ..thankfully Tuesday is 1/2 price colours!

Goodbye Have a look at the Vanish website - they normally give out tips for getting rid of various stains.

Looks like the meal went well last night ...DD was nominated to have the most children and the biggest house (which I suppose can go hand in hand together)...

Hi all, been a bit stressed here, could use some sensible advice from you very wise vipers please, but nothing to do with education.

Cousin J has returned home from abroad for womb cancer treatment. Waiting for hospital specialist appointment to decide how to proceed. She's scared of chemo because her sister (now dead) reacted badly to it. She's in Surrey with her mum so I can't just pop round. What can I do to show support?

Cousin B is in Germany and has had breast cancer for 5ish years, mastectomy, lung tumour removal, experimental weekly chemo for 3 years, now has spread to brain and inoperable. Partner messaged to tell me she's gone to hospital/hospice and is unlikely to leave. I don't know how to reply to him or say to her, their English isn't great and my German is worse. I know someone who could translate for me but I don't know what to say anyway. I want to see her but it's logistically almost impossible at the moment. She has a daughter and little grandchildren so is not alone.

It never rains til it pours

Also
Removing engine oil - try using washing-up liquid plus a drop of water and rub into stains with fingers for 5 mins then rinse. The degreasing agent in WUL should lift the oil out. If it leaves a mark use vanish or similar then wash as normal

@TerfTerf - on first cousin I would say that a handwritten note with a small gift would be appropriate. I haven't experienced chemo but wonder if a lovely hand cream or some rescue remedy or something similar would work. Something lovely and handbag size to make her feel a bit special and loved?

I would send flowers to both of them to let them know you are thinking of them ....@terfterf

Terf that's very sad news indeed about your cousins - sending you thoughts.

I have had a few friends undergo chemo and I think definitely send some lovely small gift (non food) to make her feel better; hand-cream, soap or a book/audiobook.

I think with Cousin B there is probably nothing you can say except you love them and are thinking of them - in these situations I think people just need to know others are there. Keeping in regular touch is helpful too, just a quick text/postcard can make all the difference. It can be a very lonely experience.

Thank you Those are great suggestions. And in between posting on here, I've heard that a very old friend of mine lost her mum yesterday. So that's another condolence card
Bloody hate getting old, more deaths than births and my body creaks more than the doors!

Nice day planned for tomorrow with DS - early swim followed by breakfast in local cafe with some friends and their Y11 children. And then further maths at 1.30

Terf If Cousin J doesn't want any more children, and it hasn't spread, you can tell her that they can remove the whole uterus and that will be effective at stopping it. Even just a get well soon card would help, or anything small thing that you can give as a present that shows you care and think your gift might mean something to her (eg a book she might like, or a CD of music you used to enjoy together.) Really its just about not being ignored because people don't know what to say, so avoid you.

Cousin B will want to know you are thinking of her, and sending your love. That's all you can do.

Thanks mmzz, thankfully she is nearly 60 and is quite accepting of a hysterectomy (and has no children), it's the thought of chemo that terrifies her. She's been told it hasn't spread to liver or spleen but not 100% sure of lymph. Waiting to hear from hospital is frustrating, and she doesn't drive and nor does her mum so she's stuck with going to the village shop/pub or begging lifts from carers who come in to look after her step-dad. She's lived and worked in Africa for years and used to a rather more vibrant and lively life! I'm thinking a little 'care package' would be a good thing to send now, and hopefully I'll be able to visit in person once my next two very busy weeks are over.

TerfTerf I think there might be another problem on the horizon: will she be entitled to NHS treatment?

I know someone who is British but lived abroad for a few years and on her return to the UK had to prove that she had been resident in the UK for the last 3? months to qualify for NHS treatment. I'm not sure how it works if you (for example) worked for a british charity and paid income tax and national insurance contributions whilst working abroad.

One thing I learned from losing my mum recently was that pretty much anything you do to show your support is better than doing nothing. I've never been one for sending cards etc, but the cards, letters and small gifts we received at that time really did make me and my dad feel loved and cared for. I suspect that even just a card or email to each cousin, saying that you are thinking of them at a difficult time, will get the message across.

Condolences TerfTerf. Bad news often seems to come together like that.

On a lighter note DS has given up for the day so has now completed his very last revision session (well until the autumn that is).

They have one lesson in school tomorrow morning, then exam at 1 30 and then it’s done !! I can’t believe it’s really over - though I did tell him not to switch off too much yet and make sure he can try and focus again tomorrow pm 😀

DD is home with her year book. It is mainly very sweet, and will be a lovely momento. I am very glad however that I am not the parent of the "girl most likely to end up in Prison", or "girl most likely to murder a teacher" or god forbid "girl most likely to believing under an assumed identity". I am very old, and very boring, I accept, but good grief!

Be living, not believing...

at Blostma's yearbook. DS has paid for his but the person responsible has dropped the ball and it's doubtful the books will ever appear. DS is child most likely to be PM (sharing the role with several others on this thread!) but I'm giggling over the 'assumed identity' one: how do kids even know about that kind of stuff?!

Well I'm signing off until 22/23rd August ...one of my must do's for the summer is to spend less of my spare time on line and more time doing my to do list ...

Thanks for the support over the last how many months...hope you all have a lovely summer and I'll be back for results day!

Have a lovely summer Teenmum60

See you 9 weeks tomorrow! Happy summer