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Secondary education

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Original poster

Help m daughter has been banned from proms

115 replies

Catherineandoh · 17/05/2018 22:40

Please can anyone help me, I'm typing this message in tears, I feel like I've failed my daughter as a parent. My lovely hard working daughter which I adore so much has been banned from proms and it's so unfair, she was involved in an unprovoked attack, she was attacked by another girl who has behaviour issues, my daughter was held down when this girl was beating her up, she had bruises, when she finally broke free she was taken into the safety of an office but for some reason the attackers boyfriend got into the office and attacked my daughter pushing her and hitting her head onto a wall. When the fight was going on she couldn't breath or free herself to defend herself because her head was in headlock and another child was holding her down. When she finally broke free she acted on impulse to hit her attack but she ended up hitting a teacher by accident. The teacher even explained that my daughter hitting him was an accident. The school excluded her for 5 days and invited us to a meeting with the board of governors who have now decided that she can't attend the proms, we've even appealed but they still say no. My daughter is very stressed now, she won't eat and is complaining of severe headache, she's currently doing her GCSE and I'm sacred this can affect her performance. She's never had any problems in school and she's a good student, she worked in te school library, raised funds for charity, been a year and school council and even raised money for proms. What can I do now. This is no fair at all. Please can anyone advice me on what to do. Thanks

OP posts:
IsMyUserNameRubbish · 18/05/2018 08:42

I beg to differ, my two beautiful sons never brought any trouble to our door. They were well behaved, done well at school, popular and now they've turned in to amazing fathers and husbands as well as amazing sons and brothers to each other. Their hard work paid off and now they own their own homes with great extremely well paid jobs, so no on behalf of every other parent with great kids, I refuse that just because one parents teenager gets in to trouble, then all teenagers must do, news flash! no, they don't and it's not fair to tar them all with the same brush.

speakout · 18/05/2018 08:43

Catherineandoh also what reason did the school give for her exclusion when the teacher admitted he had been hit accidentally?

A few months ago my DD hit a teacher accidentally- she was carrying a piece of wood through a door ( part of a drama prop). DD and teacher didn't see each other and teacher got whacked on the head.

There was no exclusion or disciplinary action.

How does an accident lead to an exclusion?

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 18/05/2018 08:44

My message was in reply to OP.

Anasnake · 18/05/2018 08:44

The prom is not the priority

Original poster
Catherineandoh · 18/05/2018 08:45

I definitely can't reply to all the comments but I'm really overwhelmed by all your replies and advice, I'm feeling very positive about this, you've all given me hope. I phoned the school this morning for the head principle's email and I was refused, so I'll be writing to the school's email for the attention of the HP. I wish I can post the name of the school here. I was thinking of also starting a petition online, any thoughts on how to go about it will be great. My dd managed an apple this morning and I'm so happy, she's only going to school because of her GCSE, she's lost weight suddenly, the school offered no help or counselling for my dd. She's really stressed but very determined to do her exams. 💖💖💖

OP posts:
speakout · 18/05/2018 08:45

IsMyUserNameRubbish I agree.

My teens ( now 20 and 18) have never been in any form of trouble either.
I hate the idea that all teens are natural troublemakers.

speakout · 18/05/2018 08:48

I was thinking of also starting a petition online

Please don't.

I mean seriously don't.

kesstrel · 18/05/2018 08:48

Baroness

The original incident happened 3 weeks ago. However, the OP states:

"invited us to a meeting with the board of governors who have now decided that she can't attend the proms, we've even appealed but they still say no. My daughter is very stressed now,"

myrtleWilson · 18/05/2018 08:49

If this had happened to my daughter I think my order of priority would have been a)attack on daughter/and ongoing safeguarding given second attacker still in school b) GCSEs and any impact on her ability to meet expectations and then someway down the the list prom... why the focus on the party OP and not the more materially important aspects?

BaronessEllaSaturday · 18/05/2018 08:53

The meeting with the board of governors was long enough ago for them to have appealed and as others are pointing out is only about the prom not the attack itself

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 18/05/2018 08:53

Thanks speakout, I agree.

kesstrel · 18/05/2018 08:53

For all those sceptical of the OP's account of how the school has handled this, on the grounds that their school would handle it differently: there are 3,300 state secondary schools in England alone. Approaches to discipline and incidents of violence do vary widely. It is not unusual for a governing body to routinely back up a head-teacher's decisions, even if those decisions can be viewed as unfair. After all, as many people have said here, the issue at hand is "only" a prom, and many would view that as not all that important.

Veterinari · 18/05/2018 08:54

You night want to take the good advice you’ve been given here re:reporting the assault to the police and appealing to governers etc rather than asking CAB about prom ‘laws’ and starting online petitions.

You seem to have rather strange priorities. Confused

Lalliella · 18/05/2018 08:58

Police. Safeguarding. Ofsted. But please don’t do an online petition, it really won’t help your case. So sorry for your daughter.

kesstrel · 18/05/2018 08:58

is only about the prom

No, it's quite clearly about her daughter's reaction to the unfairness of being deprived of the prom

Also, the school dealt with the attack in the way many schools do. Threads here are full of people complaining about parents overreacting to attacks by other children with behaviour problems (OP's own words), and insisting that such attacks be met with understanding. The attacker is now at a different school (and thus not a threat), and the boyfriend is presumably not considered a further threat for that reason. Why shouldn't the OP focus on her daughter's emotions and reactions, combined with worrying about her GCSE's (which is what she is doing).

ScreamingValenta · 18/05/2018 08:59

No advice, but I hope you manage to resolve this for your DD.

Lilymossflower · 18/05/2018 09:01

Bless you ! I hope she feels better somehow it sounds very traumatic 💔💓💗💖

Omg you have to get the police involved this is serious assault ! ,!

Beeziekn33ze · 18/05/2018 09:01

Catherine - I hope you and your daughter find the right person to listen to you.

Luxicloset · 18/05/2018 09:08

The issue is not only the prom, it's about the unfair decision and punishment leading to her losing her prom, she did nothing wrong and that's why as a child she still doesn't understand the punishment. Now can you punishment someone who was attacked and defending herself. She was attacked twice. All this happen during class not even break time. We're all still in shock because this is the purest form of injustice. I'm just numb from shock.

speakout · 18/05/2018 09:11

The issue is not only the prom, it's about the unfair decision and punishment leading to her losing her prom

No it isn't - or shouldn't be.

The issue is that her daughter was assaulted.

Luxicloset · 18/05/2018 09:14

The attacker only came to the school at year 9. She's known to have challenging behaviour and was excluded from her old school. Now she's been shipped off to another school again in the same borough, she will go to the prom because she's new in the school. So what kind of justice is this. With everything my dd went through they still used her as a scapegoat 😢😢😢

Luxicloset · 18/05/2018 09:16

She was assaulted twice I have pics of all the bruises.

bruffin · 18/05/2018 09:20

Op has namechanged niw luxicloset

speakout · 18/05/2018 09:21

OP why haven't you gone to the police?

123bananas · 18/05/2018 09:22

I think that first and foremost here you need to look after your daughters mental health following what sounds a horrific attack. You need to take her to the GP to access counselling, she sounds traumatised.

Forget the prom that will likely be to stressful for her right now anyway. With the money you would have spent on that take her away for a spa break or something instead.

Then Police definitely.

I am shocked the school were not safeguarding her in that office, the attack by the boyfriend should not have been able to happen. That warrants a serious complaint.