Help m daughter has been banned from proms

[Catherineandoh]

Please can anyone help me, I'm typing this message in tears, I feel like I've failed my daughter as a parent. My lovely hard working daughter which I adore so much has been banned from proms and it's so unfair, she was involved in an unprovoked attack, she was attacked by another girl who has behaviour issues, my daughter was held down when this girl was beating her up, she had bruises, when she finally broke free she was taken into the safety of an office but for some reason the attackers boyfriend got into the office and attacked my daughter pushing her and hitting her head onto a wall. When the fight was going on she couldn't breath or free herself to defend herself because her head was in headlock and another child was holding her down. When she finally broke free she acted on impulse to hit her attack but she ended up hitting a teacher by accident. The teacher even explained that my daughter hitting him was an accident. The school excluded her for 5 days and invited us to a meeting with the board of governors who have now decided that she can't attend the proms, we've even appealed but they still say no. My daughter is very stressed now, she won't eat and is complaining of severe headache, she's currently doing her GCSE and I'm sacred this can affect her performance. She's never had any problems in school and she's a good student, she worked in te school library, raised funds for charity, been a year and school council and even raised money for proms. What can I do now. This is no fair at all. Please can anyone advice me on what to do. Thanks

what is the formal appeal process in your school and how far have you got? For example, have you had an appeal to the head turned down, but you could still appeal to the governors?

@Mummyoflittledragon I don't understand why at all. I can't even sleep. It's not even about the proms, it's about the injustice, the boyfriend didn't headlock my dd, he came later into the office where my dd went into for safety, attacked snd push her, she fell back with her head hitting on the wall.

@OlennasWimple we've had he appeal turned and they wrote to us saying the case is closed. In about 3 weeks they've decided and closed the case, 5 years of my daughter's life, the one thing she's been waiting for was decided in 5 days. No compassion whatsoever.

Thank you all you mum's, for your lovely comments and advice. If all goes well and according to plan, I'll try to update you.

Speak to the school. Get savvy. Your daughter being attacked could have been reported to the police, and it's def. not too late. This is extremely serious, and she must be given proper support and care. How terrible for you all as a family! i suggest that you have all conversations recorded on your mobile phone during meetings with govenors - declare that you think it's best for the interest of minutes and so you can take everything in. These things you have to micromanage I guess - have they offered counseling for your daughter? Is she staying on for 6th form? Will she be safe and happy. Maybe some exciting goals and things to look forward to would soften the blows of late, and the knowledge that she is supported and held by her family. Sounds like you are doing all the right things, it takes a while to figure out that no one else is outraged and assisting you. I am always realising that unless I micro manage processes things fall apart. Have you taken photos of your daughters injuries?

I'd definitely speak to the school and bring up safeguarding. As be inclined to call the police and make a call to IFSTED too about victim blaming due to their lack of being able
To keep your child safe - I wonder if it's scapegoating so they don't have the finger pointed st them for not keeping her sufficiently safe from the second attack

I'd be going ballistic, in a calm
Yet 'I'm taking no shit' way - they're wrong if things happened the way you described - it needs to be re-visited

I don't say this lightly, but put a formal complaint in to ofsted re safeguarding,(about the attacks) which, if this is true, the school has failed to do. This will trigger a safeguarding inspection.

I realise I said armlock in my last post. I meant headlock. People, who have strangled women/ cut off their oxygen supply in relationships is seen as high risk and it is potentially life threatening to stay. I agree with others for you to make a complaint about lack of safeguarding to ofsted. I hadn’t thought of that last night. I hope you will start to feel better when you’ve started a legal process against the perpetrators and the school.

Lots of support and nice things for your dd. She will get through this. Do you / she have anything nice to look forward to? Can you do something special on the day your dd is supposed to be at prom? Or if she doesn’t want to, be surrounded by her family, who love her.

Write to head teacher and governors saying that you are disappointed with their handling of the violence and that out of concern that their safeguarding procedures are inadequate, you are going to the police and to OFSTED.
DO NOT MENTION PROM.

I know your dd cares enormously about it, but from the adult/outside respective it seems trivial. It makes it seem that she is therefore not that upset about the fight but is instead upset about not going to a dance with her mates.

When they respond saying what do you want, say my dd at the prom and a formal apology letter to you. And then go to OFSTED anyway because this is very poor handling.

OK decide what your priority is. Is it that dd wants to go to prom?

If that is your goal approach the school, in writing, asking them what measures thay have taken to stop your dd being attacked in future.

State that they have a duty of care to your daughter and she was assaulted by more than one student and the school has failed in its duty of care.

Give them 48 hours to respond to your satisfaction. Tell them you do not want your dd unduly stressed at this time and that you realise any action such as arrests of the perpetrators is going to be disruptive to their education.

State that you have a reasonable opinion that the school and therefore the HT:

1)Owes a duty of care to your dd

2)The school / HT did not carry out that duty to the legal standard required ie student attacked dd, she was removed to another room where a second student attacked her that is two separate failings in duty of care.
3) Dd suffered damage as a result of the failure to observe the duty of care ie any injuries and loss of right to attend the prom.

State that although you have a strong case both for your dd to receive compensation and to report the teacher/HT to the teaching council you do not want to make their difficult job more difficult and that mistakes happen.

Accept that dd has wrong to assault the teacher but it was a mistake as she was defending herself and she has been punished by the exclusion.

Offer the school the opportunity to allow your dd to attend prom in the spirit of fairness and you will consider the matter closed.

It may or may not rattle them, if they say no you are no worse off and you can still go to the police.

Having been around many secondary school fights between pupils, being accidentally hit is a known hazard and not something that is punished unless the student deliberately attacks a teacher.

Unless you daughter did something very serious I can't see why they would exclude her for 5 days and stop her attending the prom.

There is either more to the story than you are saying or the school is truly terrible and I wouldn't be leaving my kids there.

So she is not allowed to the prom and you now decide to go to the police about the incident.
if that makes you feel better op
the prom is over rated

why was she involved in the fight? definately not provoked?

appeal to all about the issue

Did you discuss in detail what happened with the school? Did they agree with your account or did they see it differently?

We had a similar incident where a member of staff was injured whilst separating a fight and both were excluded for 5 days, but if your daughter was attacked and was defending herself, then that is different. What did the school say?

And when you go to the police, don't talk about prom, as that is not their jurisdiction. Talk about the assault.

I am incredibly surprised that any school would have a new student at such a late stage as two weeks before the GCSEs as exam boards would be different. It would be normal for a student to be excelled to Home/first response centre and then put on support plan (early study leave).

You must go to the Police and get a crime number, at least then you'll have a record of it. The school probably just sees it as black and white, as frightening no matter who's to blame. You say your daughter is "no angel" is she already known to teachers as being a trouble maker and this is the excuse theynwere looking for? I suppose unless the teachers were there it's just one girls word against the other, so I doubt there's anything you can do now, but get the crime number anyway.

Very unlikely that a new school would take a year 11 at this stage. Managed transfers take a lot of organisation and don't just happen overnight. Also as ginger says exam board and papers will be different.
There's more to this story.

I'd also recommend moving quickly if reporting to police as if school has cctv evidence, it will only be available for a certain amount of time (ours is 4 weeks)

So glad you're going to the police. The school failed in its duty to keep your daughter safe and the teachers should be absolutely shitting themselves, not pulling stunts like this. Some schools have a tendency to deal with bullying by blaming victims and it must not be tolerated x

What 8pinksnails says. This sounds very unlikely if there is not more to it. Or the school is shockingly bad at safeguarding and at dealing with violent pupils.

If I were you, and if things had really happened as you say, I would be going to Ofsted and/or the LEA with a safeguarding complaint and using phrases like 'failed in their duty of care'. I would be combing the school's anti-bullying policy and systematically recording all the points contravened. I would be reporting the assailants to the police and I would be looking for potential sources of bias among the governors. The prom - with respect - would be the least of my worries, and I would have been acting before this decision was made. I find it a little odd that you only seem to have been unhappy with the way the school dealt with the incident when the prom sanction came into it. And it's not the culmination of 5 years. That's the GCSE results. It's a nice party, and not the nicest or biggest she'll ever go to either.

By all means contact OFSTED and the oolice but I doubt that will get your daughter's place reinstated at the Prom. I'd contact some national journalists and see if they'd be interested in covering the story. The school won't want that story in the press.

If you're lucky, this thread will be picked up by The Mail or The Sun and you can email it to the school....

and the teachers should be absolutely shitting themselves,

I have never understood why posters think this.

In every school I have worked in, a zero tolerance approach to any physical attack on a teacher has been taken. The few times I’ve seen it, it has been an automatic permanent exclusion. Schools cannot have a situation, in my opinion, where a child can be seen to have hit out at a teacher and got away with it.

I am sorry your daughter has had this experience. The police may be able to help with the attack but I think the school’s stance is unlikely to change.

I missed the part about the attacker moving schools. Unless the girl was not a GCSE student-wouldn't happen. Wouldn't happen that quickly, either way, managed moves take a long time to sort. The boy would not be allowed on school premises apart from exams (alone). We had a big fight last week involving a GCSE student and that's what's happened to him. I'm also at a loss to understand why it's taken you three weeks to insist on police involvement. My child, it would be next day if the school didn't do it.