Help m daughter has been banned from proms

[Catherineandoh]

Please can anyone help me, I'm typing this message in tears, I feel like I've failed my daughter as a parent. My lovely hard working daughter which I adore so much has been banned from proms and it's so unfair, she was involved in an unprovoked attack, she was attacked by another girl who has behaviour issues, my daughter was held down when this girl was beating her up, she had bruises, when she finally broke free she was taken into the safety of an office but for some reason the attackers boyfriend got into the office and attacked my daughter pushing her and hitting her head onto a wall. When the fight was going on she couldn't breath or free herself to defend herself because her head was in headlock and another child was holding her down. When she finally broke free she acted on impulse to hit her attack but she ended up hitting a teacher by accident. The teacher even explained that my daughter hitting him was an accident. The school excluded her for 5 days and invited us to a meeting with the board of governors who have now decided that she can't attend the proms, we've even appealed but they still say no. My daughter is very stressed now, she won't eat and is complaining of severe headache, she's currently doing her GCSE and I'm sacred this can affect her performance. She's never had any problems in school and she's a good student, she worked in te school library, raised funds for charity, been a year and school council and even raised money for proms. What can I do now. This is no fair at all. Please can anyone advice me on what to do. Thanks

Is there more to thi story? Why was this attack launched against the daughter? Is there some sort of feud going on? I agree the prom is the least of your worries _ why has the school failed to protect the child? Was there a history of violence between the attcker and the daughter? More questions than answers here. Ignore the prom it’s overrated anyway take your daughter away somewhere for the weekend. . I hope she’s going to a different 6 th form.

There is a lot more to this story. OP - the degree to which you have hyperbolised this makes it very suspicious. Saying that the prom is 'the one thing she's been waiting for' - I'm sorry but that's just not true. You keep saying you are 'scared', 'ashamed', 'heartbroken' - why all the hyperbole? It seems to be more about you than your dd.

I'm not sure I understand.

I am not minimising the fact that your DD was attacked, but how did she end up hitting a teacher?
If police had been called instead of teaching staff and she ended up hitting an officer then the police would also have taken a dim view.

You need to forget about the prom.

You seem more concerned about your DD missing the prom than being attacked, which seems a little strange.

You have been to the CAB to see if a school can exclude a student from a prom but not the police to report an attack?
You seem more troubled by the school's response to a teacher getting "accidentally" hit than the fact that your DD was attacked.

Priorities seem a little muddled.

I completely understand how frustrating & unfair this is, There absolutely must have been a long time feud brewing, I doubt you know the full story.
But, this is not something you should be getting yourself into a state over, the tension & constant discussion of it around your daughter will keep the the rage alive. She needs to be calmed down.
Take a step back, re appeal, report to the police, complain as given by previous posters, but all this, to show your DD you believe in her, you will fight for an apology, & that you will have tried to get justice.
However the Prom is really not a big issue,
Maybe the whole class could boycott it in a gesture of solidarity, but unlikely !

How devastating, I would be getting legal advice, reporting to the police and copying all correspondence to ofsted. Your daughter has been failed on many levels 😞

I too wonder if you know the full story.
But actually this does need resolving and I get that the prom is actually important to her, especially because this seems so 'unfair'.

Personally I agree the prom isn't important, but no doubt to your daughter it is. Therefore I would be doing everything I could go have the exclusion lifted

I appreciate your DD is very upset about the prom and the injustice of it, but I think you are concentrating in the wrong area. Would you really want your DD attending a prom run by a school that have failed to keep her safe? You need to take the school to task over this. Forget the prom for now.

I just think this whole thing is bizarre.

Even the title of the thread.

Help m daughter has been banned from proms

If I were posting the title would probably be

" Help my daughter has been attacked".

I'm not getting it OP.

You say your daughter is struggling at school now.

I would also take her to your GP and have this anxiety? documented.

You can submit this to the schools exam officer and your DD should be awarded 1-2% extra in her GCSE's.

I have seen this used with anxiety, a car crash, a house fire and even hay fever.

I agree with others, your focus and energy needs to be on the attack not the prom.

You need to see the incident report the school should have produced. Also your dd should make a statement to the police.

This is extremely serious. Sounds like a lot of safeguarding measures haven't been followed.

I'm trying to get clear in my head how and when your daughter hit the teacher? Was it while she was in the headlock? Or in the office or was it after the girls had been separated but your daughter went back to continue the fight?

The teacher even explained that my daughter hitting him was an accident. The school excluded her for 5 days and invited us to a meeting with the board of governors who have now decided that she can't attend the proms,

I'm sorry but this doesn't add up.

If the teacher said it was an accident then why the exclusion?

My guess is that there is a lot more going on in this story.

Reassure your daughter that you are dealing with the situation. She must be calm and focussed on her exams, not distracted by this situation.
Report to police.
Report to Ofsted.
Forget the prom.
Forget what the others are doing.
Concentrate on keeping things calm for your daughter while quietly getting justice for her (ie safeguarding review, support from the school with the police investigation etc).

Something here doesn't add up.

This is a one-sided story.

I am certain that the side told by the school would be significantly different than the one presented by the OP here. Likewise that of the other two involved in the violence.

I sit on governors disciplinary panels for excluded pupils. If the appeal has already been heard, the case is closed and will not be reheard. Stop wasting your energy. A police report is separate to any disciplinary matters in school. By all means report to the police if you feel you should, but it won't have any bearing on the decision to exclude.

A number of the most recent posters criticising the OP seem to have missed her statement I'm typing this message in tears as they criticise the OP for not taking the cool and rational approach to posting that they no doubt would have done in the circumstances.

Others seem to have missed My daughter is very stressed now, she won't eat and is complaining of severe headache, she's currently doing her GCSE and I'm scared this can affect her performance.

OP

This sounds like there has been a few things happening, and the fact a teacher was hit, was the last straw for th school. I'm puzzled by them moving a child to another school to sit there exams?.......

kesstrel I could understand if this was a recent occurrence i.e. yesterday/today but it's 3 weeks since it happened. 3 weeks is plenty of time to be cool and collected, the op was cool enough to see citizens advice about it.

Tell your daughter your taking her to the prom...
She might not be able to go inside and eat.. but there is not a dam thing they can do too stop her turning up to ARRIVE.. . So you can join the Que and get your photos

I don’t understand why u didn’t go to the police straightaway?

@IsMyUserNameRubbish she's a normal teen, and no teen is an angel. She's never got into a fight and not a trouble maker. She was attacked by another student known to have challenging behaviour

Tell your daughter your taking her to the prom...
She might not be able to go inside and eat.. but there is not a dam thing they can do too stop her turning up to ARRIVE.. . So you can join the Que and get your photos

I am sorry but I think that's a terrible idea on so many levels.
You are taunting your DD. Maximising the importance of the prom, having your DD stick a middle finger up at the school and the staff, making other pupils and your daughter feel uncomfortable, and frankly making her look like an abrasive aggressive idiot.

Catherineandoh but can't you see that it seems odd that you are focusing on the prom rather than the fact your DD was assaulted.

I mean going to the CAB to ask about prom rights would be way down on my list of priorities if my DD had been assaulted.