Dd's homework is set by school so not my choice. I understand the spelling lists (about 30 a week) are national curriculum so presumably all kids get that - but let me know if I'm wrong.
I am making my daughter have a tutor and do some tests because there are something like 20 different types of verbal reasoning tests (I'm not sure of the exact number) and lots of non verbal reasoning tests and spacial tests. Also she will be tested on year 6 maths and as she will be a few days into year 6 she won't have studied much. I don't understand how children can pass papers for which they haven't studied some of the curriculum. Dds school covers one year 6 maths topic in year 5 but there are a few local schools (both state and private) that actually do do year 6 maths for years 5 and so dd is competing with children who have studied more maths at school.
Also there's technique. The 11+ test gives you 30 seconds to answer a question so you do need to practice and learn when to move onto the next question. Sometimes dd takes longer doing her homework wanting to get the questions right and she needs to learn the balance between speed and accuracy.
I get that many parents don''t make their kids do that much but as Usermum suggests it seems to me like there's an arms race whereby one parent gets a tutor and everyone follows and people get anxious and start pushing their child more. And i never believed mumsnet threads that said that parents denied having a tutor when they do but dd tells me that some of her friends really have a tutor despite the mum denying it. (Not many, most of my friends are fairly honest, but there are a couple).
I resisted getting her a tutor for a long time because I didn't feel we needed it, then I looked at samples of tests, and realised that every other child I knew had a tutor and in July set about finding one. I think the children who don't have tutors probably do practice papers with their parents but dd is more likely to listen to a tutor than me and also I can't teach her modern methods.
Despite this I think we are under less pressure than friends who can't afford private and so I think dd is more relaxed than some of her friends. I would prefer her to go to a state school (like me) so grammar is my preference but I know I am lucky to have the choice.
If I had started a thread like this a few years ago I probably would have looked for towns with good access to London not in 11+ areas - at the end of the day dhs job is in London so we are restricted. I have no idea what schools are like in Sussex or Essex but would have considered them and looked at results and added value.