Not rich kid in private secondary

[user789653241]

My ds is in yr5. I think this is the time you need to think about secondary school.
State option is very limited, and there is great private secondary not too far away.
We can't afford the fee, but maybe can seek out bursary. Maybe not.
But the thing is, even we can get bursary, we may not be able to afford to pay all those expensive trips abroad etc. that comes with going to private school.
I really don't want to put my ds through entrance exam, 11+ etc., if we decide to send him to local state anyway.

I would like to ask the parents who sends kids to private secondary with bursary how does it work out? Do your kids feel ok about parents aren't rich compared to others? Do they have good experience?

Important to note a bursary at Harrow means the boy was a scholar, Harrow already cream off the top as far as intake goes, to get a scholarship means you are the cream of the cream and unsurprisingly head boy material

Also don’t listen to anyone who says, they or dh dp etc went to private school and it was like xyz. Things are so different in the independent sector than they were even 10 or 15 years ago so those experiences are irrelevant. That would be like giving ideas on what China is like because you visited it in the 70’s

My daughter went private, and yes in a school that has the very rich kids, known for its princesses, and yes we struggled to make the fees at the beginning.

In my experience, kids don’t give a flying shit about the financial status of each other’s parents. They make friends based on if they like each other. It’s only the parents who care.

If anyone was bullied or excluded then they were going to be bullied or excluded anyway. The kids who did it were just looking for a reason. Bullying and exclusion is about something else entirely when it’s kids.

Schools also have second hand uniform clubs etc, so that shouldn’t be a concern.

However getting a bursary is the difficult part, there are usually very very few and have lots of competition. Simply sitting the entrance exam is in no way some form of guarantee they would be given a bursary or scholarship.

Mine went to west London day schools. I wouldn't worry. D'S used to come home and say stuff like xx' dad's a banker and y's mum's magic circle partner. So and so says they're loaded and wipe their bots with fivers. 10 year old boys brag and chat sh1t.

We had an ordinary house, ordinary cars and he went on the educational trios or sports tours (not skiing or the Galapagos Islands). Some fancy schmancy cars and mums.

My defining moment was at a parents evening when Mr Magic Circle met DH and reverberated down the corridor "his father's xx sparkles, he gave us a talk on the yeĺow book last week. Mrs Magic Circle never swerved me or my 10 year old banger again. All that glitters is not good and some scruffy dull stuff might be more than you think.

Oh is lovely they're both grown up.

Do what's right for the child. The people who care don't matter and the people who don't think they matter don't care. DS's he's were scholarship and bursary respectively. Both had/have lovely parents.

IME it was the consultants wives who were chippy and a tad superior, not the hedgies, oligarchs or qc's.

My ds attends a very well known boys independent and gets financial support to attend. We are not wealthy at all and have not discolsed to him the support he gets. We made it very clear to him he will not be going on foreign trips with the school due to cost and not wanting him to travel abroad without us (yet!). He doesn't seem bothered at all. He is so in love and very overwhelmed with the grounds, new friends and subjects, by this half term he was relieved to be at home and said he wouldn't like to go on foreign school trips in his half terms (which is when his school takes theirs). At my ds school only a very few go on the skiing trips etc. My son has never been made to feel 'poor' or as though he is missing out.
Nowadays more and more private schools are trying to support more students with bursaries and imo it's more the parents who worry about their child feeling left out due to lack of funds. The majority of parents are working professionals, who put their child's education as first priority, leaving little else for flash cars etc.
My advise: try for a bursary and see what happens! If the school is amazing, I would give it a shot and also look into any grammars, semi selectives in your area- if you haven't already x

It really doesn't matter.

My oldest is at an ancient public school and it's exceptionally diverse, culturally and economically.

My DS age 9 is at an expensive private school on bursary. There are some huge differences between him and the other kids lifestyles but he is friends with a lovely little group of boys who just run about playing football.

I've had to explain why he doesn't get an iPhone 8 at 9 years old, why he has to wait for his birthday to get a hoverboard, why he doesn't have a mini fridge in his bedroom, and why his mum has a job.

There is only one kid in his year who says 'I'm richer than you' and so on. He is richer- his dad is a very dangerous/ powerful Russian man.

On the plus side he is in accelerated group's for all of his subjects, he has specialist music and sport lessons from inspirational teachers, and absolutely loves school.

I ask DS frequently if he's happy and wants to change schools. He says no.

Also, kids in secondary have independent social lives, so your family trappings are to a large extent unknown, and not of great interest.

My son comes home with a few stories about the more fantastically wealthy children e.g. the ones who mysteriously have pre-release Iphones (not sure if that's true) or make their way home to Moscow or Hong Kong on private jets at exeat, but the fact that he finds it so amusing is a reflection of the fact that it's exceptional.

"but the whole point of bursaries (particularly at schools with huge funds for them) is to ensure a mix of backgrounds amongst the pupils."

There won't be a mix of backgrounds however many bursaries the school hands out, because they're only ever given to bright kids with highly involved and motivated parents. That means a whole swathe of the normal population will be missing. That's part of the reason why people like private schools, because they don't admit the 90% of kids who make up most state school intakes, namely those children who have neither money nor the ability/support/tutoring to do exceptionally well in entrance exams.

Nobody should kid themselves that ANY private school has an intake of children that is even remotely representative of the UK demographic.

My DC is a boarder. We are badly off. The other boarders are from wealthy families. She's fine with it. One thing I really like about the school is that there are very few extras. There are school trips, but the school does try to keep the cost down. And lots of children don't go on the expensive trips.

mini bursaries ensure pupils can come from homes with a wide range of financial backgrounds not just the very wealthy. But you are right those who are less bright with uninvolved and unmotivated parents, are unlikely to get one. I accept that this is unfair but for those who are lucky enough to benefit from a bursary it can depending on the school be a pretty amazing once in a life time opportunity and therefore why shouldn’t they take advantage of it if it’s offered?

My godfather paid for my sixth form and my parents said it was hard as the social activities with friends were expensive too. Meeting up on sat for pizza etc, and clothes all adds up. BUT.... I think it was 100% worth it. I honestly believe it opens up doors, quite often people reviewing CVs in 'those kinds of jobs' do recognise the secondary schools and select for for interviews.

zzzzz that post was replying to a poster named mini, not about small bursaries

mini as in the user name minifingerz hence the bold!

I accept that many bursaries are fairly small and are basically give a helping hand to the wealthy middle classes.
But a few (often the big name schools because they have the money/assets to do it) are genuinely trying to move towards a needs blind admissions policy.

Ok most.

"I accept that this is unfair but for those who are lucky enough to benefit from a bursary it can depending on the school be a pretty amazing once in a life time opportunity and therefore why shouldn’t they take advantage of it if it’s offered?"

Parents will do what they think is best for their children, and that's as it should be.

But the government has got to start expecting private schools to actually start making a difference to the children most in need of their charity in order to defend their charitable status. The children most in need of the largesse of educational charities are those children who are failing educationally, not those who are already at the top of the pile in terms of educational attainment.

"But you are right those who are less bright with uninvolved and unmotivated parents"

There's a real enthusiasm on mumsnet to label those parents who aren't hothousing/tutoring/sitting their children down for daily maths practice as 'uninvolved' and 'unmotivated'.

Can I suggest a couple of other things that can impact on a parent's ability to push a bright children? When that child has siblings with complex needs, or the parents are physically or emotionally unwell, or working very long hours to sustain the family, or have heavy caring responsibilities for other family members, or struggling with ADD or dyslexia.

I'm sure it's really not the case that the majority of parents are 'uninterested' and 'unsupportive'.

Some private schools will pay for trips etc too .
My children have been friends with children who received bursaries .
Yes if the word comes out some children might say something mean - but isn't that everywhere ? Overall I think it was great the children got the chance to have an excellent education ( and good friendships , like with my kids :-)). I'm very much in favour of bursaries .