First week at Secondary School and struggling

[Trb17]

DD's first week of Secondary and she is struggling. It's much scarier to her than Primary (obviously) and she's finding it all a bit overwhelming. She's a born worrier so was never going to be easy breezy. Lots of tears this week in the mornings...

I know she'll settle eventually and I'm proud of how she's coping despite her fears and upset, but any stories of a bad start turning good would be really appreciated...

Oh Fret I'm sorry she's not yet had enough support to feel better. Hopefully they will do all those things today for her and fingers crossed they work. I do think Pastoral care is vital in these early weeks in order to set them up well for the next few years so I hope she gets some support soon.

Today was our first day without tears I think getting the Form Captain on Friday has helped but also today's schedule of classes was quite nice too. I have to say that so far the Pastoral care she's had had been great and has definitely made a difference.

She's trying out for an after school club tonight though so I'm hoping that's positive or else it might undo her confidence again. Here's hoping 🤞

Oh Fret, you poor thing. Do you have a new Y7 meeting or anything coming up? Ours is due in October I think.

DS went into school in tears. His phone wasn't working, the replacement died, he didn't want to go to music club (that he'd been so excited about in July) and cried at me having to work late.

I went to work, cried on my boss, and got told I could finish early enough to get him only 20 minutes after school finished. He was so relieved when I rang at 820am to tell him.

He had a good day, he's getting frustrated by classmates not doing as they should, but thats his aspergers and sticking to the rules, and the class don't sound too bad.

And then I rang to say I was outside to be asked to wait twenty minutes as he had gone to music club and was learning a new rift on the guitar! I nearly cried!! So happy for him.

Tonight we've had a full low down on the day - more than he'd ever shared before - krispy kreme donuts, and we went and got him a new phone as an early Christmas present. He's managed most of his homework, and is so happy and calm tonight.

I know we have masses of hurdles still to come, but so relieved tonight.

Trb how did DD get on?

Barbarian, glad DS is doing better. I think I've struggled with the lack of contact with the school, even though we used breakfast clubs etc, I had someone there every day to talk me through the morning or day. It's so hard not to stay that involved.

Aw Bubble it sounds like he had a bad start but a much better end. That's definite progress. Glad your DS seems to be doing better too Barbarian.

DD had a pretty good day and finds out the results of the club audition later this week. She's come home and find 2 pieces of homework. Bedtime brought on a little worry about tomorrow's scary English teacher, but overall it seems to be getting a teeny bit better each day with some intermittent wobbles.

Fingers crossed for us all tomorrow.

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Hi @Fretnworry I hope today was a better day?

Hello; thanks for asking Trb and for kind comments above.
Tears again tonight, didn't go to lunchtime club (lacked the courage) and I've had no response from school to my email of Monday morning. I know everyone is busy but I'm a bit deflated that settling year 7s doesn't appear to be high on anyone's agenda.
Ive given DD a bit more of a pep talk about helping herself this evening; she has to make the effort - I hope I judged it right but it we have to move on somehow.
I'll ring school tomorrow and try to make an appointment to see her form tutor. They can't ignore me when I'm face to face with them! I hope . . .
This is hard and the longer it persists the more depressing it is. I know it's early days but poor DD is unhappy and it's so far from the experience we'd hoped for. I'm a bit gutted.

I should say I am genuinely pleased to hear of children who are starting to settle and doing great thing - form captain! New guitar riffs! Brilliant. . Really good to hear.

Aw @Fretnworry I’m so sorry she’s still struggling. I’d definitely insist on a meeting or at the very least a call with her form tutor. They should be prioritising those year 7’s that are having trouble so as to minimise future issues.

I really hope your pep talk does the trick. It’s so hard to know which approach to take. DD often crumbles under tough love so I’m walking around like a Stepford Wife with a cheery disposition and perma-smile plastered on my face each morning. It’s exhausting but I’m hoping it’ll pay off soon.

Tonight she’s frettjnv about not getting into the school club after her audition. She should find out tomorrow. She’s such a strange mix right now.... terrified of so much but putting her soul on the line to get parts/positions I’m baffled by it but I suppose she’s at a threshold and is both a little scared girl and a cocky pre teen at the same time. It’s amazing and scary to watch.

There were only a few tears this morning so I’m hoping for less each day and hope your DD has a turn around day tomorrow too Fret 🤞

Just found this three. My DD started y7 I this time, none of her primary friends are at this school (due to house love) so she is in the position of trying to make new friends. She's fairly quiet and only had a smallish group of close friends in primary.

We've had tears a few times and some almost school refusal. She's ok with the lessons, she's struggling to break into friendships with others. I contact the y7 welfare support person, who buddied her with another y7 for support. Unfortunate this lasted 1 day when the 'buddy' told her to go and get some friends of her own, as it wasn't fair on her to look after DD. This buddy has come to secondary with a wide group of friend from primary and knows DD through guides.

DD was hurt by this, but (not surprisingly) doesn't want any further help. Not sure what else can be done, but it breaks my heart to think of her alone and break/lunch, struggling to meet people. Any advice gratefully received. She does attend drama club and is planning a few more things in and out of school. Hopefully it's early days and she'll start to make friends soon.

Aw Miss that sounds so hard on her and bloody bad luck that the buddy was horrible but I think if she can join a few clubs then that’s the best way to meet like minded people for her to become friends with. I think it takes a while and the friendship groups at DD’s school seem to be very fluid at the moment.

On a happier note, DD was successful in her audition so she’s chuffed to bits to be in the team she tried out for and now seems much happier. We also had no tears today so it’s definitely a win day here. Long may it reign and I hope all the other children on this thread have had a better day today

Thanks Trb. Thankfully she seems to have had a better day today, she has come home a lot more upbeat. Even if she hasn't got a group to sit with, she's got coping strategies to manage on her own.

Great news about your DD, let hope everyone is on the up now

That's great news Trb. And Miss I am so sorry to hear about the 'buddy'. Clearly not the right child for the job but really rotten for your DD. I'm not surprised she is feeling reluctant to trust the schools help in future but glad to hear she has had a better day today.
For our part DD seems to have had a better day. Turned up to a club but felt too intimidated by the number of older girls to stay, which is a shame, but at least she had a go. She seems to be chatting to girls in her class a bit more so, early days but she's brighter this eve (no tears!) so I'm crossing my fingers. . .

Well so far we've had a good week. After Monday, Tuesday went well. As did Wednesday. And tonight was another go at debate club, which went really well. He's starting to settle, the homework is lightening a little, and he's finding his feet with books etc. Got a meeting with his senco next week for an IEP, but so far so good I'm hoping.

Miss, im sorry your daughter's buddy was so rude. Hope she's ok.

Trb, great news about the team!

Fret, great little steps there by DD - hopefully next week will be less intimidating

DS is meant to do sports clubs, but we are hoping by picking music and debate, he's dodged that bullet, as team sports don't go well for him as an Aspie!

Ahhhh! Fret... Bubble ... and Miss ... so glad they all had better days today! DD had another good day so I’m tentatively hopeful that this is the corner she needed to turn. I’m sure there will be issues along the way but for now things seem better.

I’d definitely say that the clubs/teams seem to help give them a sense of belonging. And they make friends they’d never meet in day to day classes. I think DD prefers clubs to any lesson

No tears tonight so far so I’m hoping we can have a full week without them.

Fingers crossed for everyone on here too.