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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

First week at Secondary School and struggling

92 replies

Trb17 · 07/09/2017 20:10

DD's first week of Secondary and she is struggling. It's much scarier to her than Primary (obviously) and she's finding it all a bit overwhelming. She's a born worrier so was never going to be easy breezy. Lots of tears this week in the mornings...

I know she'll settle eventually and I'm proud of how she's coping despite her fears and upset, but any stories of a bad start turning good would be really appreciated...

OP posts:
DizzyDandelion · 10/09/2017 09:45

The CAT test thing is yukky as simply rewarding a natural ability [if you trust such things].

HeyBells · 10/09/2017 10:27

On the CATS tests my DS had something similar with friends being singled out. In the end he achieved similar/better GCSE results, which were about 2 grades higher than suggested by the CATs results. I think partly he was overwhelmed when they took them but also they are not really designed to assess individuals but a cohort and how the cohort has progressed. I got the impression that most schools which still use them don't give out the results for this reason. So please encourage your DD not to think of them as a label, all DC progress at different rates and ability isn't fixed.

Glad you're contacting the tutor, it's what they're there for.

Original poster
Trb17 · 10/09/2017 12:00

Thanks for all the tips and suggestions. I'm taking them all on board and have decided that whilst she's struggling I'm going to help her do things like packing bags etc just to lift some of the pressure off her for now. School told us to let them foot all themselves which is all well and good when you've not got a child struggling and in tears.

To the teachers who've kindly offered advice... would I be seen as 'that mum' if I contact her Form Tutor so soon without giving her a couple of weeks? Or is it better for her FT to know sooner, even though I'm hoping she'll settle soon?

I don't want to make anything worse for her.

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TheColonelAdoresPuffins · 10/09/2017 12:16

I'm not a teacher but i don't think you'd be seen as that mum. I'm sure year 7 FTs understand that it can be stressful for year 7s starting. Dd is in year 9 and the September of year 7 is the only time I've needed to contact the FT so i don't think I'm that mum but I still remember how helpful and reassuring dd's FT was and she definitely didn't give the impression she thought i was "that mum."

TheColonelAdoresPuffins · 10/09/2017 12:19

I get the impression that people who worry about being that mum usually aren't and people who are that mum probably don't worry about it!

Paperdove87 · 10/09/2017 12:46

Hi,
I'm a form tutor, mine have just started Y8. I would definitely not have seen you as that mum! It was so helpful to hear from parents about issues, especially in the first few weeks when I was still trying to get to know them!

I always find that the worst problems happen if no one has said anything for a while, and something which could have been dealt with easily has escalated into a major issue.

Paperdove87 · 10/09/2017 12:47

Oh and I had a tutee who was in floods of tears every morning for the first few weeks, and was finding it really hard to settle in. She now has a lovely group of friends, and while she is still extremely quiet, that's just who she is, and she is flourishing.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 10/09/2017 12:56

You definitely won't be seen as that mum don't worry.

It's perfectly normal for them to feel upset - it's a big leap, everything they've ever known has been turned upside down.

Keep everything as calm and "samey" as possible at home. Lots of praise for making a great effort at school. Each day will be easier than the last. Once she starts making some pals she will feel a lot more confident.

TheColonelAdoresPuffins · 10/09/2017 13:49

Thanks for all the tips and suggestions. I'm taking them all on board and have decided that whilst she's struggling I'm going to help her do things like packing bags etc just to lift some of the pressure off her for now. School told us to let them foot all themselves which is all well and good when you've not got a child struggling and in tears.
Definitely. I did this too and will when dd2 starts next September. Once they've settled in and are happy they can cope much better with the odd minor detention for forgetting stuff but before then i gave all the support i could.

wangxiaosara · 10/09/2017 20:53

My ds started year 7 last week. It has been ok, apart from he missed school bus twice, left PE kit at school once (he needed it for the rugby match on the next day -- Saturday) and got lost on way to the classrooms three timesSad. Hopefully everything will be fine next week.

MaisyPops · 10/09/2017 21:27

People who are worried about being 'that mum' are unlikely to be 'that parent' in my experience.

I'd probably give it loads of optimism and try out the great advice given here. Then see how they are by Wednesday/thursday of this week. If no better then give school a call.

Original poster
Trb17 · 10/09/2017 21:30

Well it's Sunday night and we've had tears at bedtime. Tonight mostly about getting lost and worrying that she'll always feel this scared Sad I wish I could fast forward a few weeks for her but I can't so in the meantime I'm just going to have to support her as much as possible.

I'm putting an email together too for her FT to let her know how much she's struggling.

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BubbleAnimal · 10/09/2017 21:48

I've helped DS1 with him homework all week (every night and Saturday for two hours) and packing his bag every day for the next day. Helping them with these little things help them so much emotionally, I can't see anything wrong with it. DS1 has struggled, but I'm hoping now he's into the second week they have lessons and not just every teacher reading the rules for ages which is what he had last week. He's exhausted though.

MaisyPops · 10/09/2017 21:52

trb
Keep going. You're doing well.
We have some 7s who are from primaries of 120 students or so. We have over 1500. It must be so daunting.

All you can do is reassure her and focus on the positives.

Personally id give it a couple of days before sending the email but if you need to then do it.

Original poster
Trb17 · 10/09/2017 22:01

Thank you MaisyPops Blush thats what I said to DD tonight.

Yes I'm writing the email but I won't send it until I see how she is this week. I'm hoping a corner will be turned but she's a worrier by nature so I'm not sure how long it's going to take. Fingers firmly crossed that I don't need to send it.

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underneaththeash · 10/09/2017 22:15

It is overwhelming! DS had 7 pieces of homework this weekend and he only went back on Wednesday. Question of the weekend was....Mummy, how do I draw lithium (answer....google it!) although he didn't specify which isotope it was.

butterfly198615 · 10/09/2017 22:51

I would speak to her form teacher or the head of the school and explain what is happening and how it's effecting your daughter the change etc.
I'm sure they will be of help and you won't be the only parent to have spoke to the teachers etc.
My son is the same and worries about everything and it did effect his work but I went and spoke to his teacher and went over a few things and it all worked out in the end.

crazycrofter · 10/09/2017 23:52

We've had tears tonight too. And I'd thought it was going quite well! He has to wait around for 45 mins after school with a number of other boys until the buses come and he loves to play table tennis at that time. One of the year 8s seems to have targeted him, pushing him out of the way so he can play and generally saying horrible things to him. Hopefully it will blow over but this sort of thing worries me as he was targeted by bullies in year 3 and 4. In the end (and for a number of other reasons too) we home educated for years 5 and 6. He can't go back to that again so we really need to make school work.

We've told him not to get wound up or respond to this boy but he doesn't find that easy. Good luck for the week ahead everyone!

BarbarianMum · 11/09/2017 07:54

Tears on leaving this morning. He enjoys the day itself rather than the thought of it, so hope he'll be ok. Doesn't help that he's knackered after scout camp this weekend. Not the best weekend to be away but gavechim the chance to catch up w old friends so kind of needed.

Onward and upwards!

tiggytape · 11/09/2017 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Trb17 · 11/09/2017 09:32

Thank you all. We had serious tears this morning so I asked her if she'd like me to contact her FT and she said yes as she doesn't feel confident enough to do it herself. I rang the school to ask for email contact but the Pastoral Care team said her FT would actually be happy to call me instead to discuss things person to person which I thought was nice so I'm waiting for a call back today instead.

Was awful seeing her so upset today so hoping her FT will be able to help.

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TheColonelAdoresPuffins · 11/09/2017 09:34
Flowers
wangxiaosara · 11/09/2017 10:07

Trb17,

Sorry to hear that, hopefully everything will be better after this week. Good luck.

Fretnworry · 11/09/2017 11:20

We had tears and not wanting to to in today and last night too. This is really hard on her and very distressing for me and DH. So little we can do. Sad

Original poster
Trb17 · 11/09/2017 11:29

I'm sorry to hear so many are struggling Flowers

I just had a lovely call from DD's FT and I'm so glad I contacted her. She's going to give her extra support and also make sure all her class teachers know that she's struggling (confidentially) so that they can for now not make any issues worse.

So happy I spoke to her and fingers firmly crossed that small levels of extra support will make all the difference.

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