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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Secondary education

First week at Secondary School and struggling

92 replies

Trb17 · 07/09/2017 20:10

DD's first week of Secondary and she is struggling. It's much scarier to her than Primary (obviously) and she's finding it all a bit overwhelming. She's a born worrier so was never going to be easy breezy. Lots of tears this week in the mornings...

I know she'll settle eventually and I'm proud of how she's coping despite her fears and upset, but any stories of a bad start turning good would be really appreciated...

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HPFA · 11/09/2017 12:13

Glad others agree about the cat test letter. Thought it might be just me!

Definitely not!! The letters are wrong on so many levels.

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Trb17 · 12/09/2017 12:58

Tears again this morning but don't think her FT will have had chance to speak to her yesterday so hoping that there might be inprovement today.

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Fretnworry · 12/09/2017 13:20

Sorry to hear you had tears this morning Trb17. I don't know about you but I was struggling not to join in yesterday (managed not to, or not in front of DD in any case). It's so stressful seeing them go through this. I feel for you and your DD. It's miserable.
I called the school too yesterday and they were sort of sympathetic but I'm not sure what is being done. The clubs were meant to start yesterday and DD tried to go along to a couple only to be turned away until next week/a couple of weeks; which is a shame as I'm hoping she'll find some like-minds in the clubs.
The hardest thing is that the only way to feel more at home is to get used to it - and there's no shortcut for that. They (we) just have to keep on keeping on.

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Trb17 · 12/09/2017 15:08

Oh @Fretnworry I'm so sorry that your DD couldn't join the clubs as I think that once they start to feel a part of the school it might well make things easier. Hope she gets in next week. Must admit I'm getting good at putting on a fake 'it'll be fine' smile each morning (with something mysteriously in my eye) Then I go off to work worrying all day. She was shaking this morning. It's so so hard seeing them this way. Especially as DD always loved Primary.

DD is desperate to join the school Dance club so is practising the audition piece but is convinced she won't get in (despite being good) so I'm hoping that if she manages to get in the that she'll feel so much more as if she belongs.

I had a call from her at lunch over something quick so no time to talk but she did say her FT had spoken to her today so will find out when she gets home.

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BubbleAnimal · 14/09/2017 23:13

I too bit the bullet tonight and emailed form tutor and senco about my poor overwhelmed and sad boy.

He forgot two questions on his maths assessment. So had to write "very disappointing, next time will be a detention" despite only dropping 5 marks in total in the test, including the missed questions.

He's had things go missing, and so so much homework. I want my poor boy back.

They've replied saying they will chat to him tomorrow and help him, and I'm grateful for that. But I could cry myself. Just curled up in his bed with him for five minutes for a cuddle whilst he's asleep.

And now I am crying. God, this transition stuff is hard for them isn't it? He's only an august born as well, so glad tomorrow is Friday.

Hope everyone else's children are having a better week.

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CrumpettyTree · 15/09/2017 07:07

That sounds a bit much Bubble. Do you mean the teacher wrote that because he accidentally missed out two maths questions or couldn't do them? What sort of school is it? I thought dd got too much hwk in year 7 but they at least didn't give much the first couple of weeks to allow them to settle in. It sounds rather pressured.

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Teddygirlonce · 15/09/2017 07:31

so so much homework

Yes, we've got that too. It's overwhelming TBQH. They've only been at school a week and there's already been about 12 bits set. Couldn't they have given them a fortnight to settle in first? DD is beyond tired too - she's having to set off a full one hour 20 mins earlier than when she was at primary school. And she's not a morning person.

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wangxiaosara · 15/09/2017 07:57

Ds is so busy every day and not even has time for iPad and TV etc

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BarchesterFlowers · 15/09/2017 08:20

This thread makes me . Poor kids. DD started secondary last week and was so excited about it that she didn't sleep for two nights beforehand.

Found it vvvv overwhelming for the first few days (really young in year as well). Loves the lessons (was v bored for the last half of Yr6), loves the bus. Really struggling with being organised, getting around and the size, noise, crowdedness of the place. Lots of tears last week - in addition to everything else she was knackered.

Absolutely lovely form teacher who has looked after her (I haven't contacted him), tied her tie for her when she couldn't redo it (she cried), he just sounds lovely. Had her sit at the front in his lesson and she said she feels like he is really looking after her.

This week is very different - more ups, no downs, she has joined various clubs, hockey, orchestra, chess, debating - and seems to be getting stuck in and finding her feet even though she is fairly shy so I am much happier.

I reckon it will take until October half term for her to be really comfortable with it, such a big change (her primary had less than 40 children).

Not too much homework at all here and we are saving it for the weekend for these first few weeks.

Heres to a better end of week report from them all.

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BarchesterFlowers · 15/09/2017 08:23

I forgot for Bubble, that sounds so hard for him (and you).

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Trb17 · 15/09/2017 08:54

For Bubble

DD has been in tears every day. Feels sick. Scared of her English teacher. Exhausted. Worried. Ugh it's just awful.

I so wanted her to love it as she'd been so so excited. She did a summer school there too and loved that but I think the reality of shouty teachers and the size and noise of the school is all just too much for her

I'm hoping that it all settles down by half term and I emailed her FT yesterday just to explain that she's still having a lot of anxiety. Homework has been small so far so fingers crossed it stays that way for a bit longer.

I just want her to stop feeling so sad and scared

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BubbleAnimal · 15/09/2017 10:26

CrumpettyTree the teacher got him to write it on his grade sheet in his book, for "not completing" the home work. He missed two questions as he did the stuff he knew first, went back to stuff, and missed it. It's a Grammar school, but even so.

Thank you everyone for the flowers. His form tutor was checking on him this morning hopefully, and I gave him a cuddle this morning and said the textbook that's gone missing I will pay for a replacement (it's not in his locker I rang him this morning when he checked) and not to worry about any of it. His senco emailed me and suggested we set up an IEP too. He struggles with what he thinks is unfair punishments - eg tidying up after other people, running errands etc. But speaking to him today he's not the only one struggling - he said a couple of boys in his class are finding it hard. I'm just on edge all day today worrying about him

Hope everyone enjoys the weekend. Much needed downtime all round.

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Trb17 · 15/09/2017 10:34

Aw Bubble I hope things pick up for him soon. It's awful to see them struggling

I had a call off FT this morning and DD has definitely had a better morning! Turns out she's been voted Form Captain!!! ... I'm gobsmacked! But so proud of her for putting herself up for it despite feeling so scared. I'm now hoping this will be the boost she needs to feel at home and 'part of' the school. Her class mates voted her in so that means a lot.

I could cry I'm so happy for her. Now just have to act surprised when she comes home to tell me her news

I'm really hoping this means Sunday night / Monday morning will be easier and happier times with no anxiety.

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BubbleAnimal · 15/09/2017 10:43

Oh that's brilliant news trb! Well done her!

DS had a great hour after school - he walked into the debating club and they invited him to join and he loved it, and is going to do it every week! He was so excited about this, so it made it harder to see him so crushed by everything else. His tutor said he'd tried to talk to him yesterday and he was preoccupied and obsessed over missing items, so I think his anxiety is through the roof. He's got an overnight and day with his grandad this weekend though, that he loves, so some time on his own with his grandparents will hopefully do him the world of good.

So chuffed for your DD!

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CrumpettyTree · 15/09/2017 10:55

Oh i see. I thought you meant they'd done an assessment in class and he'd missed out two questions. Hope he has fun time with his grandad.
Good news Trb

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Trb17 · 15/09/2017 11:28

Thank you Bubble and Crumpetty I'm so chuffed for her and hope this is the start of things turning around. Seeing her so upset each morning has been heart wrenching.

Bubble I'm keeping everything crossed for you that time with his Grandparents this weekend and his new found love of the debating club with also be the turn around your DS needs to start feeling at home at his new school. It's truly awful seeing them so anxious and I feel for you so much. I'm keeping everything crossed for you that next week he has a brilliant week.

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BarchesterFlowers · 15/09/2017 13:44

That is a lovely update Trb17 and Bubble. It is awful seeing them anxious. DD's disappeared after week one and I am so pleased it did.

I think the self sufficiency that is required is a massive step up. DD comes home with hilarious tales of rushing around, forgetting things (like to take her inhaler to PE).

Yesterday she came home with a massive carpet burn on her knee, must be 4" by 2". Apparently she fell over rushing somewhere, skidded on the carpet and burned her knee. Travelled so far that she banged her head on a classroom door which was opened by a very surprised teacher who asked if she was OK. To which she said Yes Miss, thank you ... and then to use her words, legged it. .

The change from 40 children to 900 (I think) is massive isn't it.

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Trb17 · 15/09/2017 15:21

Barchester that really made me giggle but hope her knee isn't too sore and so happy she's lost some of the nerves now.

This is exactly what DD needs to learn - how to take the times when things go wrong and turn them around without getting too upset over it. It sounds like your DD is doing great at that so well done to her

Fingers crossed everyone of our anxious DC have had a great Friday.

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BarchesterFlowers · 15/09/2017 18:12

Trb17 - the carpet burn bled/stuck to her leg today, poor thing .

I hope everyone had a better day today, I know how very worried I was last week when we had tears and stress, you worry that they won't thrive and be unhappy, worry that they are on their own without friends (she was the only person to go to this school from her primary), etc., etc..

This is also a GS but the homework has been minimal, decorate your books, make a poster, write about yourself type stuff. Nothing overboard at this stage.

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BubbleAnimal · 16/09/2017 11:06

DS said his form tutor spoke to him, and his maths teacher and everything would be ok. I've told him not to obsess over missing things, I will replace everything at this stage.

He did say there was a mix up with PE kits. Someone took his by accident, gave it to him in the changing room, but he couldn't find his shorts. So he sat down and cried. 😥 He said the class were nice to him, the PE teacher gave him some spares, and they turned up at the end. But he was worried about a kit mark - which I said not to be. But poor thing.

He was massively excited for the weekend bless him!

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Trb17 · 16/09/2017 11:51

Ouch Barchester that sounds painful but she sounds like a tough cookie.

Oh Bubble the thought of him crying makes me tear up so I dread to think how you feel. Fingers crossed the support he's getting from you and school will tide him over this hard part and he'll find his confidence soon.

DD did come home happier on Friday after being voted Form captain but only time will tell if that translates to less anxiety on Monday. Everything crossed.

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BarchesterFlowers · 16/09/2017 16:43

Good progress Bubble and Trb17.

Trb - she is so not tough, her confidence easily knocked and quite shy. I have had to make myself step back and let her deal with it all but it seems to be working so I am pleased.

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Trb17 · 16/09/2017 17:14

Well Barchester it sounds like you're doing a great job of giving her the tools to cope despite her shyness. DD would have screamed the school down with a carpet burn lol

DD says her Monday schedule is a good one so I'm hoping that will help too.

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Fretnworry · 18/09/2017 13:32

Another miserable, tearful Monday morning. She really didn't want to go in 'I just don't like it'.
I've emailed the school after ringing last Monday. They didn't to any of the things they said they would; speak to her, change seating plans, offer her a 'buddy'.
One teacher stopped her after class and asked if she'd like to sit nearer the front. That was it.
One of the reasons we were keen on this school was its supposedly strong pastoral care. I'm not seeing much of it.
They seem not terribly friendly and not very interested in DD.
I don't know what else to do. The pep talk is starting to sound hollow to me even as I say it.
DD screwed her courage to seek out clubs last week but they hadn't started - I'm not sure, going by this morning, she has the heart to do it again, although I encouraged her to, obviously.
Not helped by primary school friends she saw over the weekend all having a great time with new mates and a variety of clubs. But What can I do? The last thing she needs is not to see old friends.

I'm starting to wonder if we chose the wrong school.

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BarbarianMum · 18/09/2017 13:55

Fretnworry I still think it is too early to judge how it is going to turn out, though.

Ds1 had a better week. Seating plans for all lessons now so he's not sitting alone in class, clubs at lunchtime 3 times a week. Enjoying quite a few of the lessons, though not the homework.

No totally new friends but he hangs out w 2 girls he knew from primary. They travel in together too. Whether they will be proper friends long-term or whether its hysterical bonding I can't tell yet. He's got calmer about friendships now that I've stopped constantly asking how its going . Guess I need to be calmer too.