AIBU

[schoolmum2]

AIBU to wake my child up an hour early to study every school day. I’m really invested in his GCSES and making sure he goes to a good university. He’s not doing so well at school and I keep making him study and put more effort in but he isn’t improving, AIBU to be disappointed in him for not being for not improving his grades.

What ? It's august !

How about having an adult to adult discussion about how he thinks the work is going , or was last term ? Does he have the same perception as you do about underperformance ? Or is he doing as well as he expects ?

Are high grades important to him? If they aren't you are going to have to get a blooming big stick to beat him with to get him working at the level you want.... far better to get to the bottom if it, offer extra support ( is he not getting good teaching ?) and encouragement.

If, and only if you both think an extra hour work before school will help then it is s reasonable plan.

He's 15/16. He needs to take charge of himself like an adult - or at least be lead to do so over the next few months / year. Micromanaging him long term is not going to succeed.

It needs to come from him. If you push him along for GCSEs and A-levels he will almost certainly drop out or fail spectacularly in his first year at uni.

Yes. Firstly, if grid tired there is no point in studying, he'd be better off getting the sleep. Secondly, if you baby him like this he will fail miserably when hegira to university. Just let him do as he wants. If he fails then that should spur him on to try harder.

I think you need to consider how able he really is, and what is appropriate.

Do you get messages from school that he is lazy and that if only he applied himself he could get A/7 across the board?
Or do you get messages that he tries hard but still is on track for 4/5/C/B?

If the former then pushing him to put more effort in isn't entirely in reasonable.
However if the latter, maybe you need to accept that 'good university' actually won't be the best thing to aim for.

My DD1 worked hard for her GCSEs, but with the best will in the world she wasn't an A student. But she did the best she could and we were delighted with her end results.

Maybe rather than an hours more work a day, you could together consider some goals, such as getting science revision notes done, or practicing English language questions, or whatever?

If you DS isn't academic but is trying hard, please don't give him the impression that he will have failed if he doesn't get high grades.

do you make him study or sit down and work with him? Does he want to get up early and work? its not the most efficient time for teenager, generally.

it might be more productive to just sit down and discuss his targets for the summer with him, set out a few realistic targets, maybe just in his three weakest subjects, help him with a light timetable, and provide him with the resources.

It does sound like you are just dragging him out of bed and plonking him at his desk, in which case he is very probably just going back to sleep again, sitting up with his eyes open!

its great that you are invested though, he will do better because of it.

If he's not academic / interested in study there's no point you pushing for him to go to uni.

You've had the chance to make your educational choices.

If this is an honest question, then yes yabu.

If your DS genuinely isn't working hard, then you can discuss with him his progress, and agree a better homework schedule, e.g. Computer gaming restricted during the week.
But if your DS is already working really hard then this level of achievement is what it is, possibly a private tutor might help bring 1or 2 subjects up a grade, but no more than that.

It's good to be interested and involved, but the investment needs to be by your DS, you need to step back on the tiger mom parenting and allow your DS to be responsible.

It is difficult knowing when to pass the responsibility to learn over to them and gradually step back and hope their own drive to succeed kicks in.

Talk to him and most importantly listen to him. How does he see his future? Does he see good grades being important for reaching a good career? Is he thinking best not to try rather than try and have it proved I can't do it? Let him know why you want him to study and get him to see how you are looking at his education.

Also, unlike young children, teenagers are more awake in the afternoons then in the mornings. If he does want to do extra study, get him to pencil out a timetable of which hours here and there would suit him to work in the week.

Lastly, at this stage, studying in order to get good grades is really tedious, but studying because you are learning something interesting is much easier.

If he's not capable of the required results for university or won't put the work in, there's no point in getting him to the stage where he scrapes through and struggles or doesn't get a degree.

I think the only time I'd have felt it necessary to get DD out of bed is if I knew she didn't do her homework in the evenings, so she had a chance of getting something together.

We all want the best for our kids. It's not easy to let them make their own way in life, but that's what they have to do. Is he desperate to go to university? If so, you'll probably find he gets more focused around years 10 and 11 as he'll want to get decent GCSE grades for his A levels.

There's nothing wrong with a bit of general encouragement or support, and making sure they have everything for their studies.

Is he willing? Does he want your help? If he does that's great. What are you doing with him exactly? Should you be talking to his school subject teachers directly (by email?) to ask how he can improve and explain you're helping him at home

What does he want to do in the future? What grades does he need to get to achieve this?