Any tips for a new secondary school mother please?

[Purplerainbow]

My eldest is going to secondary school in september and I was after any tips to help the process??

He has ASD which is going to cause a lot of problems for him, especially socially, so I want to try to reduce any extra embarrassment for him?

For starters, what do they take their packed lunch in these days?? He is going for lunch there next week and I'm sure you don't have your lunch in a 'Kids' lunchbox. Iv been watching the boys walking to and fro (not in a creepy way!) they seem to all have the same kind of back packs so that's ok.... uniform is very strict so there aren't any deviants with that. What about pe bag? Do they still need pencil cases??

I suspect some things may vary by school but in general I've found

packed lunch boxes - we just use a plain plastic box. DS usually has a sandwich, packet of crisps and maybe a piece of fruit. Or he might have soup or pasta. He doesn't get long for lunch to prefers not to take too much.

He has a plain draw string bag to put his PE bag in, but some DC use rucksacks or just plastic bags. Bear in mind this will probably have to live in his very small locker so nothing bulky

Yes to pencil cases -again something plain- and it's handy (for carrying purposes) if they fit in the blazer pocket.

I did find the need to fit in socially didn't really kick in until year 8, so you have a little while for your DS to get acclimatised.

Teach organizational skills and time management. Teach him to write down homework assignments, and pack his bag the night before. Not losing things or forgetting assignments will make him feel better.

I agree with red

Prepare him with organisational skills e.g. when to write down homework etc.

He'll have a timetable in his planner/student diary but it may also be worth having one printed and on the fridge then you can check is bag the day before.

Have a meeting with the school senco if you haven't already. Get your ds on their radar, look at organisation, locker keys, timetables, get early copy of timetable and meeting with form teacher asap. Have a back up school bag and pe kit and locker key and pencil case if you can afford it.

Two dc with ASD yr 6 and yr8 respectively. I have learned that they struggle with the unstructured time between lessons, breaks and lunchtimes this is when they get anxious and lose things or get into conflicts with other kids. Ds now uses the library as his sanctuary and dd uses the separate block in school for more socially vulnerable children. There are activities and teaching staff on hand, a safe space. Both are thriving and settled now after bumpy starts so time to get into new routines has to be allowed for.

Hope all goes well for your ds op.

I think lunch bags/boxes are still ok, as long as not e.g. Superman or Minions etc! My ds (12 - yr 8) still happy taking his lunch bag with a football logo. He takes sandwich/wrap/quiche as the main, with crisps, piece of fruit and small choc biscuit + water.

He takes his P.E./games kit in a small sports bag (holdall type), but some others just put it in their rucksacks. Yes to pencil case (pencils, biros, rubber, sharpener) and maths paraphernalia (calculator + set square, compasses and several other things I don't know the names of...or what they're for! You get them in 'maths sets' ).

Good luck to your ds in Sept.

Btw I got nice school bags (tk Maxx or somewhere similar not too expensive or showy though) but no longer bother with lunch boxes as they got lost constantly so lunch is in a disposable bag and i don't pay much mind to what is popular as neither dc can cope with eating lunch in the hall - your ds will be best placed to tell you or his friends.

Forgot ruler in pencil case!

Thanks all. I have already met with the senco this week. This coming week he has an afternoon there for others on the Sen register and I will be going in the evening with him then I think in 2 weeks the whole of year 6 will spend a day there and I again will go in the evening with him and find out his form tutor. It's all so new and scary for both him and me! What type of pencil case? And how on earth would one fit in a blazer pocket?! I'm yet to sort the uniform..... the only non school uniform shop item is trousers. This is a child who has only worn joggers for the last 2 years.... where is best to get navy trousers?!

Hello! One of the best tips I got from Mumnet last year was to get 5 magazine racks labeled Mon to Fri. I was also asked to make multiple copies of time table given. The magazine racks are great as the children put in their books into it as per time table. This way nothing is lost. If not at home in magazine rack it has to be with the teacher. Also, multiple copies of timetable made it easier if time table was lost as getting a new copy from school takes ages. Backpacks and pencil cases are better plain and not expensive as they do get lost initially. Trends are set sometime around term 2 after all the year 7s settle down.

DS1 has ASD and is in Year 7, so I can remember only too well the anxiety of this time last year. Ds has school lunches, so I can't help with packed lunch things, but I agree with the plain pencil cases and bags. DS gets very upset if things aren't exactly as school want them, so we went into the office and checked policy on stationary and bits. They like black pens, so we buy a pack of pens every couple of weeks to keep him well stocked.
I bought him plastic folders for his bag- one for homework due in and one for homework just given out. These really helped and although things are still a bit scrunched up, we have kept them in order. We also use the magazine racks idea which really helped with organisation.

I booked an apt with the senco about 5 weeks into term, by which time I knew the issues Ds had and they knew him a bit better- that really helped . We have an apt every other term now, just to check in.

Ds1 has really settled in well. He has to get the bus in , which was my main worry, but he rose to every challenge and I am really proud of him. I am sure it will be the same for your Ds too.

Pencil case will go in his bag/rucksack, not his pocket, as he will presumably be carrying his rucksack from lesson to lesson with his books etc in it.

One student with ASD I teach has a laminated copy of his timetable which has been hole-punched and attached to his pencil case so he doesn't lose it and has it within easy reach during a lesson to look at what he has next. Some boys have pencil cases and some just shove a chewed biro in their pocket.

I think the social embarrassment has to be balanced between making provisions so that they can actually get through the day with as little stress as possible. I agree that finding out where he can retreat to during unstructured time should be a priority.

Dd in year 8 has fairly unisex stuff. She has clear plastic pencil cases like these and the smaller version.
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B000ELYI12/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1498322151&sr=8-4&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=clear+pencil+case&tag=mumsnetforum-21

She has a hype backpack which boys definitely have in her school. Plenty of girls have backpacks too at her school.
For PE she uses a navy Nike drawstring bag from Sports Direct.
Lunchbox i read on here clear clip and lock boxes or a Tesco carrier bag although dd has school dinners.
Dd has a nike water bottle, although i read on here that only spring water bottles are acceptable. Her friends have got proper water bottles too though.
Tbh dd doesn't seem to notice or care what stuff other kids have for some reason. I'd find it easier if she did in a way!
I'm happy to be told if I've got any of the above wildly wrong.

Dd has timetables for week 1 and two on the fridge so she knows what exercise books and equipment/kit she needs each day. All her exercise books go in a plastic box so they don't get lost.
There's a list on the fridge of what she might need each day such as planner, key, water, bus card etc. Much of it lives in her blazer pockets or bag.

I really really hope he gets on. At the moment as far as he's concerned he isn't going!! I'm trying to be really positive but his anxiety is crazy at the moment. Those first few weeks are going to be crucial and I'm really worried about getting it wrong!

When you speak of 'unstructured' time, do you mean break and lunch break?

A tip I read on MN many years ago was to have a large plastic box that they can keep all their text and exercise books in. Any books that aren't being used on a particular day can be kept in it. Then they're not lost around the house, making it easier packing the school bag for the following day.

Always pack your bag the night before.

Ds would keep a plastic Foolscap 'ziplock' style wallet in his school bag. Then anything such as letters, cheques, consent forms, certificates etc. could be kept safe when taken to/from school.

Don't buy expensive pencil cases - even if they don't get lost they will get filthy inside from pencil lead and shavings.

We had a storage box for everything to go in at the end of the day.
These ziplock bags, www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00L2MK726/ref=s9_dcacsd_dcoop_bw_c_x_3_w?tag=mumsnetforum-21 one labelled for each topic, helped DS take what he needed each day.
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00422S1MQ/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21 These PE bags come in lots of colours, so easier for DS to find amongst all the others in the changing room. Good size for all the kit needed at secondary school.
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B002BAENHI/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21 These are the smaller size, perfect for swimming.
Get a copy of his planner and stick it up next to the storage box, so he can pack what he needs for the next day.

Yes to a large plastic wallet per subject which can hold the ex book, text book and anything else needed. After homework, everything goes back in that wallet.

Yes to lots of copies of timetable - stuck on wall, by front door, on back of plastic files (see above) and in pencil case and on back of Planner.

Also keep copies of Homework timetable and when homework is due in, in lots of places.

2 loaded pencil cases helps - that way the school one can always stay in the bag and its contents never be left on the desk at home.

Yes to strict training over filling in hwk planner - so they must write the subject above the homework and when it is due in as well as the work. Check every night and insist they do it correctly so you too understand the task. Tick off homework when completed.

If they have lockers, get several keys and keep some yourself.

If they all have the same bag or similar ones, get something identifying such as a keyring or name label.

Useful items to keep in bag are some extra pens as emergency, £10 strictly only for emergencies and £1 for non emergencies such as a cake sale of other charity event. Also a list of crucial phone numbers in case they lose their mobile.

And definitely label all clothes and PE kit if you don't want to constantly buy more.

And get contact nos for other parents in class - some schools issue this if permission is given, if not, try and swap a few details at parents welcome/induction events.

Oh and stock up on stationary whilst it is very cheap over the summer. Don't just buy 1 ruler, 1 glue stick etc, but buy multiple cheap ones and store they away so you can dish them out at regular intervals. They get lost easily and you won't resent giving them another 15p ruler as much as you will having to make a trip to town to fork out for a £2 one late one evening,ready for the maths test next day.

Get plenty of ink for your printer at home. Ditto annoyance over needing to rush out and buy more late at night/before project due in. Always get more than you think.

Tip for you rather than him; they go into year 7 as lovely children. By Christmas of that first term they have turned into teenagers. Attitude, language, the works.

Also, they are shattered and emotional for the first few weeks. Just a heads up for you.

Yes, unstructured time is break and lunch. It's not like primary school where there's a playground, kids just generally find somewhere to hang around with their friends. Children who find it hard to make friends can often spend this time just wandering around aimlessly so somewhere to go can be crucial. The library is good if it is open at lunchtime, many schools also have an inclusion unit where vulnerable students hang out. There may also be clubs. Having a plan for each day can reduce stress.

One thing that really caught me out is that DS's school (and as I later found out others too ...) don't allow bags in corridors, so ideas about leaving a lot of things in their bag to be carried about, just didn't work and locker space had to be carefully considered. So that is definitely something OP should find out!

I would encourage him to join any lunchtime clubs he might even be vaguely interested in (check the school has lunchtime clubs first!) as it will enable him to be busy, and have his time occupied, as well as to make friends.

Also make sure he knows his route to school, if he will be making his own way. Practise what he has to do! I have posted this on here before, but a friend did the bus route with her DS many times over the summer holiday, and he knew where to get off. Unfortunately, he got on the bus on the way home at the same stop he had got off at, and ended up miles out of his way!