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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Any tips for a new secondary school mother please?

78 replies

Purplerainbow · 24/06/2017 11:17

My eldest is going to secondary school in september and I was after any tips to help the process??

He has ASD which is going to cause a lot of problems for him, especially socially, so I want to try to reduce any extra embarrassment for him?

For starters, what do they take their packed lunch in these days?? He is going for lunch there next week and I'm sure you don't have your lunch in a 'Kids' lunchbox. Iv been watching the boys walking to and fro (not in a creepy way!) they seem to all have the same kind of back packs so that's ok.... uniform is very strict so there aren't any deviants with that. What about pe bag? Do they still need pencil cases??

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplerainbow · 25/06/2017 10:47

Iv tried EVERYTHING with regards to homework! I'm not sure if they have a homework club, will look into that thanks.

It's not apparent he has asd to a stranger unfortunately as he is high functioning and has learnt how he 'thinks' he should be. So unless you spent about half hour with him you wouldn't know.
Thankfully the school is only a 5 minute walk so buses won't be involved. We have to go past it to get out of our estate so it's not a 'strange' place thankfully. We've discussed his walking home... to begin with I will discreetly meet him to cross the road (coach park, too many cars, no lollipop lady, double parking you know the score) as the primary school is on the same road.

I will start buying the equipment stuff. Need To get him a key cut too really. He has a phone but apparabtly it's crap and embarrassing and doesn't take it out the house! Another thing to work on.

OP posts:
Quadrangle · 25/06/2017 10:51

As he's only a five minute walk away, would working in the library after school any time hwk club isn't available be any help? Would he do that?

Original poster
Purplerainbow · 25/06/2017 10:54

I really have no idea how he would be about that, probably see it as a punishment! He's such hard work and there is no reasoning with him when he thinks it's his way and that there is no alternative.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 25/06/2017 10:59

It would be worth reposting this thread in the SEN section to get more specific advice about the ASD and anxiety aspects.

GreenTulips · 25/06/2017 11:18

Local school here have key workers - so one person looks out for the child

They also have a 'chill' space for want of a better world where any child can go - to sit quietly do homework or just get out of the hussel of school life

Have they offered a safe place for him to go if he's over whelmed? Key worker? Are his records noting his difficulties? (So he gets some let way in class

Original poster
Purplerainbow · 25/06/2017 11:30

Thanks noble I will post another in Sen. He won't have a key work or one to one help as he doesn't have an ehcp and I have been told constantly of the lack of funding, which I understand. They've spoken of safe places when he's getting cross, the senco said we can go up when school is empty and he will go round and show ds where these possible places could be..

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SafeToCross · 25/06/2017 11:42

Watch out for october/november when the shine has worn off and some year 7s really start to struggle.

Look up the lunchtime clubs and encourage him to get involved in some to help find a 'home' within the school eg music, sport, library

Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes · 25/06/2017 11:44

I think lots of discussions along the line of "what would you do if.....?" might be good for helping him plan strategies. You won't know all the answers as many things will be school dependent, but it will also help you to create a list of questions you can ask of school staff or other parents.

missmapp · 25/06/2017 11:46

Can he do homewprk in the library- then it is still dong school work at home rather than at home- where he thinks he shouldn't be doing it ?
Ds' school has a permanent homework club where they can get help / use the computers- would that work ?

missmapp · 25/06/2017 11:47

school work at school... sorry, rushing as ever !

Original poster
Purplerainbow · 25/06/2017 11:51

I'm definitely going to ask about a homework club. The trouble is he often sees it as a punishment to be kept inside, despite agreeing he struggles outside.....

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cantkeepawayforever · 25/06/2017 12:18

My DC's school runs homework club (staffed by the SEN department and run in the SEN block, though for all children) every lunchtime. So it doubles as a safe SEN-friendly space.

A little thing, but it helped DS enormously - get an expandanble key chain if he is going to need to carry a key around. it never needs to be unclipped from his blazer, so he can't lose the key - just uses it, then pops it back in his pocket on the expandable spring.

This type of thing

DS's looks as frail as anything, but he has had it for 5 years and it's still as good as new!

MaisyPops · 25/06/2017 12:21

purple
Not sure there's a way round that as such.
Sometimes students see homework club as a detention.
But we have 2 different ones. We have one for main school and one for children accessing the SEN Base.

The SEN Base homework club thy have cakes and sit outside when it's a nice afternoon. The atmosphere is lovely.

Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes · 25/06/2017 14:06

My DS views staying at school to go to homework club (after school) as a worse option than going home to do it. They don't have a lunchtime one. He is quite talented at doing it in tutor group time without his form tutor noticing (they aren't supposed to).

GreenTulips · 25/06/2017 14:57

You having a key worker is not the same as one to one

DS friend has a key worker if he's stressed - but never in class they are usually found in the library

Original poster
Purplerainbow · 25/06/2017 16:13

They wouldn't clarify about the Sen base, as he doesn't have an ehcp he isn't 'allowed' in there. So I need to keep chasing this

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Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes · 25/06/2017 18:14

There are different types of SEN base, our local secondary has a unit for severely dyslexic pupils with EHCPs but this is not available to those without an EHCP specifying a place for them. They also have a general SEN area where pupils can go for some quiet time at breaks or to talk to an adult, use computers etc (my DCs don't go to that school I should add).

confuugled1 · 25/06/2017 18:24

Ds1 started a big secondary school last September. I gave him two different coloured plastic wallets (the sort with elastic cord to secure the corners) and one is for homework that needs to be done, the other is for homework that has been done and needs to be handed in.

Ds also struggled with homework to start with as tbey weren't very strict at his junior school, so I've had to keep on top of him to keep on top of it.

Could you use the fact that now he is at senior school things are different and it is set up so you do some of your day at school with teachers teaching you things but then also factored in time where you need to do work yourself to help you learn and develop skills and become good at independent work as well as being spoon fed by teachers... So posit it as something new for senior school and put as many arguments for it as you can think - not a full day at school, practising for work etc etc and hope some stick!

CauliflowerSqueeze · 25/06/2017 22:46

One thing I would say is to try and cross each bridge when you come to it.
I remember the mum of one ASD boy getting in a real panic about the possibility of him refusing to wear the PE shorts because the material was shiny. I remember saying "let's just see what happens" and it was all fine. They do respond differently at secondary very often.

ASauvingnonADay · 25/06/2017 22:58

Homework is going to be a maaaive problem as he has refused to do homework apart from the odd bit for the last 2 years but school have left him to it and not given any punishment... this will be very different in September. I know what everyone will say, leave him to it and let him get detention and he won't miss it again... but e doesn't work one that. He will point blank refuse to go to school if he gets given detention/
Take it as it comes. I'd try not to make too much of a big deal about the hw situation to him unless it becomes a problem. Encourage him to go to the Hw club if there is one. I'd imagine the hw situation is on negotiable - it'll be totally different to primary.

dinkystinky · 27/06/2017 13:13

I have been reading avidly as my DS starts secondary school in September. Thanks for all these great tips!

Original poster
Purplerainbow · 29/06/2017 15:01

Just a hopeful bump in case there are any other tips! Smile

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TeenAndTween · 29/06/2017 19:06

Have not read whole thread.
I do however own a disorganised DD with dyspraxia and another who is just finishing y7.

My tips:

  • ignore people who say the y7s should be able to organise themselves. Some can't. Give the scaffolding they need to succeed.
  • 2 pencil cases & geometry sets & calculators , one for home one for school.
  • timetable up visible downstairs
  • pack bag with DC, then watch them do it, then let them do it alone but secretly check and 'wonder loudly' about missed items until they are getting it consistently right
  • locker for PE kit helps it to stay in school and not be forgotten
  • emphasise writing everything in the planner
  • explain social rules - participate in class but don't be like Hermione, ignore other's behaviour unless it is affecting you, or serious like smoking or bullying
  • pay attention to homework and make sure they are doing their best. You know what they can do, the teachers don't. teachers will accept below par h/w, but you don't want that.
  • be interested in what's going on, not just academics, but who they chatted to at lunch time etc
  • encourage joining a club to help them get involved and meet like minded people
  • expect friendship groups to be fluid in y7&8
  • monitor internet and social media, they are still very young
Original poster
Purplerainbow · 30/06/2017 09:05

Thanks teen dreading social media.....

Any particular lunch boxes? I presum no lunch 'bag'?

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TeenAndTween · 30/06/2017 09:43

My DD has school lunches.

However if a packed lunch is required she has a plain red insulated zip up one. My theory is they don't have lunch until 1:15 so I would want insulation. But a bag takes up less room in the rucksack than a box would. No idea what others do.