Any tips for a new secondary school mother please?

[Purplerainbow]

My eldest is going to secondary school in september and I was after any tips to help the process??

He has ASD which is going to cause a lot of problems for him, especially socially, so I want to try to reduce any extra embarrassment for him?

For starters, what do they take their packed lunch in these days?? He is going for lunch there next week and I'm sure you don't have your lunch in a 'Kids' lunchbox. Iv been watching the boys walking to and fro (not in a creepy way!) they seem to all have the same kind of back packs so that's ok.... uniform is very strict so there aren't any deviants with that. What about pe bag? Do they still need pencil cases??

Definitely find out where his safe space can be (they should have an SEN base or perhaps the library), and which member of staff he can go to with any worries.

We have set equipment expectations and they must have the full set every day; lack of equipment equals a detention, so make sure he has more than enough in his pencil case.

Lots of copies of timetable!

Not necessarily Fretyenot. DD is coming up to the end of year 7 and is still nice and kind and no hint of teenager-like behaviour yet.

OP my DS also has ASD and I am worried about him starting next Sept. Mostly I'm worried about how he will fit in socially. DD has found Y7 hard in that respect and she is NT so I am anticipating it being a tough year for him. Fingers crossed I am wrong though! I will be encouraging DS to go to lunchtime clubs if possible (the school do things like film club where they just go and watch a film and sit around so pretty relaxed). I'm sure the school must have places where kids with SEN can go at breaktimes if they are feeling overwhelmed. Hopefully they will meet likeminded kids there too - I don't know about your DS but mine has always made friends quickly with other ASD kids!

With organisation I'm anticipating this being pretty bad for the first year while he gets used to things. Even at primary he loses everything - he can be handed his homework when leaving the classroom at the end of the day and not have it by the time he meets me outside! It will just continue to be a work in progress I think!

Keep us posted as to how you all get on :)

What's your biggest worry?

I'd say try not to get involved in friends arguments as hard as that is.

If his friends like having school dinners, then him do the same. My DD wanted a packed lunch and luckily most of her friends did the same. They don't have long so in the early days it helps them to get to know others better.

My DD's school were particularly strict with the new Year 7s, it went completely out of the window as they got older. Your DS may have to deal with this, as well as pressure feeling he should be like his peers, not knowing where he fits in and what is really expected of him work wise. He'll forget his PE kit and you'll have to take it in to save detention (but make it clear you won't do it again) and he'll feel pressure, so it's a case of trying to be patient, encouraging and giving him a bit of space at home.

Once he settles in, has made friends and knows what's expected, hopefully he'll have the time of his life.

Just an adult 'lunch box' so a sistema or similar Tupperware box. Sarnie and crisps or banana chips or something - no yoghurt with a spoon or anything messy ( I had a few yoghurts splatted on my head) and no tuna or egg mayo because kids are stupid and will say it smells.
Vegan food like falafels or veggie burgers are very 'cool' with girls rn but don't know about boys.
Tbh I'm only out of HS by 6 years but these are the things I remember .
Also I don't know why you would but no marshmallow sandwich things ( marshmallow with wafers) because they were really hard to get out of my hair - probably won't happen but I don't want anyone ever having that happen. I hate marshmallow now.

And @keeplooking it's generally ruler, protractor, compass in a maths set x

Oh and ONLY black pens - blue is not allowed in exams or work books in most schools x

Under armour have really good quality drawstring bad with 2 pockets for gum shields deodorant etc

Get a bright coloured one because everyone else has black

DS had a bright backpack and everyone dumps theirs near his so they can find their own

Tell him to be kind because someone will be a cousin brother or best friends

Wow so much to remember. Thank you everyone.

My biggest worry is getting him there. There's been quite a bit of trauma in his life. He missed all of year 5 but fortunately is exceedingly bright so isn't behind academically. He's petrified I know he is. He's scared of moving class every hour etc. I remember my first day at secondary and I'm NT! He is also dyslexic so this is an extra problem for him. He doesn't have an ehcp so will have to stay in mainstream. I know there is a very small separate area for just years 7's for outside but I'm not sure he will like it. He currently only spends half the week out on the playground as he doesn't cope with it and ends up starting fights. I'm worried he will pick a fight with someone bigger and him getting beaten up for being wierd. I'm also worried he will end up hitting someone and getting into trouble etc. The senco knows all that this......

My DD has dyslexia and started a big secondary school last year. She was never organised but has amazed me by how quickly she got to grips with what she needed and when. In terms of equipment nothing too babyish or bright stand out ish for rucksack pencil case. Hair a few lads with longish hair for there's cut either just before or just after starting secondary. Sorry can't help with packed lunch as mine both do school lunches.
She has had a few friendship issues but that's another story.
A boy from her old primary has Aspergers and he settled in really well. I think he may surprise you.

I colour coded my asd sons timetable. Each lesson had a different colour and we were to colour code his books with the same stickers so he could easily see what he needed each day. If he's very nervous maybe they could organise a meet and greet to help him enter the school for at least the first few days so he doesn't get overwhelmed.
Good luck, it's a very difficult time. Sadly my son didn't have diagnosis or ehcp and transition was huge failure. If anxiety is a big issue make sure the Senco is aware and mention the risk of school refusal. 230 unauthorised absences later, I've learned the hard way.

Find out how the info about your DS's SEN will be communicated to his teachers. At my school, it can often be months before all the IEPs and details are uploaded to SIMs and with so many new students, it can be difficult for a teacher to remember everything about each new class.

It sounds like his anxiety is going to be the most important thing to manage at the start. Can you get him to list his particular worries and then come up with strategies for each scenario? e.g. 'What if I get lost?' 'What if I forget my book?' 'What if I need the toilet?'. Could he be assigned a buddy, an older student to look out for him and who he can go to with questions? Could he be dropped off in reception at the start of each day to start with, and have a pastoral leader talk through the day with him and take him to registration?

Buy clear sticky back plastic to cover exercise books with.

@SomeOtherFuckers I'm a bit hazy on the maths set stuff! There's a perspex triangle and semicircle, and two metal items which both seem to be called a compass? Yes, I forgot there's usually a ruler.

I actually asked about a buddy and the senco said he will arrange that. I am concerned about how the information will get through to all the teachers... the parents I know with children with Sen that are at the school have said this is an issue../ so I'm not sure how I can ensure this gets to everyone when I don't know any of them? I will get to meet his form tutor in 2 weeks but so will everyone...

They are trying to arrange a meeting with his psychotherapist and myself soon aswell. They are also going to come to his primary school (senco, possibly form tutor and learning support assistant) which I thought was good and we will also go to school when it is empty and he will show ds 'safe places' if he needs to cool off. So far so good, I just hope they carry this through.

So will he have a text book for every subject and an excercise book for each one? And then a homework diary? They use chrome books at te school so it seems a lot of work is on there? Any suggestions with how that might work??

It might not be too bad on the organisation front, my DS has AS and learns his timetable accurately within the first few days each term, always knows when one-off events are happening etc. We virtually never need to look at his timetable and he always knows when he needs his PE kit etc. He has resisted all my attempts to organise his text/exercise books, homework sheets etc and although his way (keep all sheets of paper loose in bag and randomly leave exercise books on the kitchen table etc) stresses me out, he is nearly at the end of year 8 and has only once or twice lost or forgotten things. Yes to keeping an ample supply of pens, rulers, pencils etc, I have a big pot in the kitchen which I have to refill quite frequently, but it saves such a lot of hassle.

He isn't that organised but has quite a photo graphic memory... will be interesting to see how it turns out.

Homework is going to be a maaaive problem as he has refused to do homework apart from the odd bit for the last 2 years but school have left him to it and not given any punishment... this will be very different in September. I know what everyone will say, leave him to it and let him get detention and he won't miss it again... but e doesn't work one that. He will point blank refuse to go to school if he gets given detention/

My son never did homework for the previous 2 years - he's never missed one in high school. Probably because it's relevant to the next lesson or project they are doing - rather than random maths questions

Once you get his timetable and know who his teachers are you might be able to email them with the necessary details.
Why does he not do homework? School are unlikely to let him off doing it. Would he do it at school, in a homework club? Or at lunchtime? School refusal over detentions could be an issue, imo schools are not very understanding of anxiety. Has this been discussed with the SENCo?

Iv only had one meeting with senco, made him aware of everything . With regards to homework he basically said it was tough...

He refuses homework as he says 'why should I do work at home when iv spent all day on it at school?'

Would he be open to watching that programme School Swap South Korea where the kids finish school then continue doing school work till midnight because they want to get into the best universities and get a good job? It might put an hour or so of homework a night into perspective?
Otherwise, doing it at school in a homework club might help, so it's still at school rather than intruding on his homelife.

All the maths equipment can be bought in a special tin from Tesco and other shops fairly cheaply.
Practise the journey to and from school - if he's getting the bus will he ask for the stop and pay or have a bus pass. Also, if there's only one bus home see what the alternative is if he stays for a club. My daughter got used to getting trains home (and buying tickets from the machines) when she stayed late and the only bus back to the village left at school time.

Is it a normal/reasonably large secondary? In my experience (teacher), most teaching staff these days are very aware of ASD and have plenty of experience of teaching students with ASD and dealing with the various issues that crop up. Many other students are also used to meeting kids with ASD and many are reasonably unfazed by the various behaviours that can occur.

I'm a cover teacher these days and I probably come across one or two kids with ASD on most days I work. Even if all your son's regular teachers are well-informed about his needs, there will inevitably be fairly frequent times when his class is covered by a member of staff who hasn't met him. The information will probably be available to temporary staff but they may have to ask for it. However, if it is at all apparent from your son's manner that he might have ASD, the staff should have enough knowledge to at least deal sensitively with him. I have many times had to adapt my manner and requirements on the spot, on realising that a student probably has ASD. (I am not suggesting for a moment that all children with ASD behave the same, but there are nevertheless some basic ways in which teachers can avoid confrontations and problems with students who have various issues including ASD).

Homework clubs are a good idea. You could speak to school. I guess you've tried everything at home have you, such as sitting with him and helping him or bribery?